Everything is gonna be fine

MtnTime2896 · Dec 03, 2019 at 11:52 AM

Sui thoughts are back. Only this time, I haven't told anyone about them. Not until now. My gf looks scared when I even hint things are heading that way again. I don't want to terrify her when it could just blow over.

I have no real intent. At least not enough for a consistent plan or anything.

Anything to get them to shut the **** is all I want. Meds aren't coming, so what the hell am I supposed to do? Drink it all away? Smoke it all gone? Even if I would, I don't have the money for it. Habits will make it worse, habits will makes it worse....

But I need the problem gone. I need it vanquished.

The breath on my neck is still there. Panting.... Why do I deserve to live with this? What the **** did I do?

I need to be numb if I can't be gone.

bpcyclist · Dec 03, 2019 at 07:28 PM

I am very sorry you are struggling. I also struggle with a ton of SI. Being on PC helps me because it shows me or reminds me, I guess, that I am not the only one going through this. That there are in fact lots of other folks struggling the same basic way I do. That helps me, it gives me a little bit of strength and it reminds me that I am not bad, not being punished for something. I just have a really tough illness.

Do you have a pdoc or /and a therapist? Do they know what is going on with you? Please let them know immediately what is going on with you. Please do that, they may want to change your meds around a bit.

I agree that using substances is the road to nowhere. It will only make things worse, so I advise you not to do that.

Hang in there. Surf around the Depression forum or the bipolar forum or any forum you think might have some similar folks on it. People here do care. Please don't give up!

Iloivar · Dec 04, 2019 at 07:30 AM

Agree with what the other user said.

For the meantime, you can always call a suicide hotline. Yes im aware you're not actively suicidal, but from what i've gathered, many that call the suicide hotline just talk about their general problems. So I believe someone calling to talk about suicidal ideations would be of no trouble. I am not completely sure if this applies to all suicide hotlines, just basing it off what i've read from former workers in a suicide hotline.

Furthermore, if you can't find what you're looking for here, you can try to find other sites, but of course, better to find support in more than one site. There's one I know, a subreddit called suicidewatch

Serpentine Leaf · Dec 06, 2019 at 11:41 AM

Bpcyclist is 100% right on all counts. Be proud that you had the courage to reach out to the people of this forum when you're feeling this way; a lot of people would just curl up inside themselves and try to shove those feelings down with repression or substances. I imagine everybody here has felt like the only way to stop the pain was a permanent "solution" that isn't a solution at all. I've certainly been there more than once. There's a lot of help, support, and love here, but it isn't a substitute for an in-person counselor. And please make sure you have a crisis hotline number handy in case it gets really bad.

We're all here for you!

MtnTime2896 · Dec 06, 2019 at 01:09 PM

Substances are being used. I can't deny that. I just don't know what I'm gonna do with all of this.

Serpentine Leaf · Dec 06, 2019 at 02:41 PM

I hope I'm not sounding intrusive, but do you have a counselor? Sometimes pain is just too big for us to carry on our own anymore. It's wonderful that you are reaching out here, and we're all standing with you, but there's just no substitute for a professional. "Hopeless" is only the depression talking, not reality. Depression and anxiety are sadistic liars. Don't believe them!

Again, we're all here standing with you!

MtnTime2896 · Dec 06, 2019 at 07:20 PM

Yeah. I got a counselor.

Fuzzybear · Dec 06, 2019 at 09:17 PM

Hugs to you my friend

bpcyclist · Dec 07, 2019 at 01:41 PM

Yeah, man, when I was using or trying to use, my depression would really kick in. If you are still using or have recently done so or are withdrawing/craving/obsessing, that is not probably the very best moment to be making important life decisions. Not judging, just sayin'.

MtnTime2896 · Dec 07, 2019 at 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Yeah, man, when I was using or trying to use, my depression would really kick in. If you are still using or have recently done so or are withdrawing/craving/obsessing, that is not probably the very best moment to be making important life decisions. Not judging, just sayin'.

You're right. I'm just, I don't know, feeling at the end of things.

I haven't drank in a few days. Probably will tonight. But no, I haven't used anything else.

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MtnTime2896 Chat Moderator Member Since Feb 2016 Location: Doing donuts in the parking lot Posts: 4,270 8 10k hugs given	Dec 06, 2019 at 01:09 PM #5 Substances are being used. I can't deny that. I just don't know what I'm gonna do with all of this. __________________ "Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity."
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MtnTime2896 Chat Moderator Member Since Feb 2016 Location: Doing donuts in the parking lot Posts: 4,270 8 10k hugs given	Dec 06, 2019 at 07:20 PM #7 Yeah. I got a counselor. __________________ "Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity."
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,325 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Dec 06, 2019 at 09:17 PM #8 Hugs to you my friend __________________
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