Chronically lonely

I'm 35 years old and have no friends or partner. Friendships and romantic relationships in the past have always been very one-sided. I wonder if I was intentionally seeking out narcissists because I believed I deserved to be someone else's supply rather than a companion. I've always struggled with fragile self-esteem, and with not feeling like I deserve love or friendship. I can't help but think that if I were worthy, someone would have seen it by now. I've tried all the things I could think of to develop new friendships: going to Meetups, setting up my own Meetup group that no one showed up for, volunteering at many different places, doing political and social justice events, attending a faith group, going to community events, talking to people at work, talking to people at school when I was taking classes, trying to keep in contact with people I was in the hospital with (that was 3 times), and even doing social coaching (which was a disaster for my mental health, and something I had to pay out of pocket for). Across so many different places and situations, with many different kinds of people, and across such a long span of time, I'm the only common factor in all this. I just don't know whether it's something I keep doing wrong or if there's just something intrinsically wrong with me than means I'll never have companionship of any kind. Maybe people are making the right decision in avoiding companionship with me.

we are all your friendsh ere.

you can post here anytime for support

((((hugs)))

Thank you, everyone.

(((((((((( hugs ))))))))))

We’re here for you, I’m glad you found us here

Thanks, Fuzzybear. I'm glad too! Awesome and warm-hearted people here.

Serpentine Leaf

I understand how you feel

Sorry to hear you are struggling and it’s frustrating. Keep trying to get out and meet others, and it may help to volunteer to help others with soup kitchen, etc. It can take time to connect and click with people so maybe keep going to the same volunteer event or same meetup or go to cooking lessons or arts and crafts for several weeks in a row to get to know others. Maybe I should take my own advice as struggle with the same things you’ve mentioned with trying to make friends, but often it’s difficult since only see others at meetups once in awhile and co-workers are married and have a life. Good luck and keep trying.

Thanks, Thirty Shades!

[QUOTE=zapatoes;6706705]Sorry to hear you are struggling and it’s frustrating. Keep trying to get out and meet others, and it may help to volunteer to help others with soup kitchen, etc. It can take time to connect and click with people so maybe keep going to the same volunteer event or same meetup or go to cooking lessons or arts and crafts for several weeks in a row to get to know others. Maybe I should take my own advice as struggle with the same things you’ve mentioned with trying to make friends, but often it’s difficult since only see others at meetups once in awhile and co-workers are married and have a life. Good luck and keep trying.

Thanks, Zapatoes. I still have been making myself go out even when it's feeling hopeless. I've been doing a lot of political events lately and have met some nice people with shared values that way. No personal connections have happened yet, mostly because they already have friendships and relationships, but working together for a common goal is a good feeling too. Unfortunately my work shift gets in the way of going to more events and Meetups and classes that would help me to meet more people and form emotional bonds. So many things are only held on weekday evenings when I'm stuck at work. I've lost count of the job applications I have put out over the years but haven't gotten so much as a call for an interview... which of course only adds to the feeling of hopelessness and my uselessness. I still put in another one a few months ago but no word yet, which I can only interpret as a no.