advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
ROSEWATER
Junior Member
ROSEWATER has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2019
Location: hONDORAS
Posts: 16
3 yr Member
4 hugs
given
Trig Dec 13, 2019 at 11:03 PM
  #1
I am increasinly suicidal. Lastnight came very close. I have been depressed for most of my life. I am 63 now.

I am sorry If this isn''t the right category for this, but I don't know quite where belong here. I have some many psych issues, they overwhelm me.I live in Hondoras, but am American. I have been here 2 years. I came to help my ex husband out who was very will, but he moved without telling me, thus abandoning me along in a foreign county. I speak little Spanish. Hondoras is beautiful. I should be happy, but I am not. I want my life over. I was finally able to contact the US Embassy about helping me get home, but realized it would be futile as I would have to pay them aback at least $10,000. I just like on disability. If I go back, yes, I will able to get help, but I will end up homeless again. As my income isn't enough to pay rent, Medicare, etc. I already went through all that years ago. My ex said he woud help me get back on my feet. He lied. Now I feel like I am in Limbo. Or nowhere. I have no children, no family that will help me.

I am begining more and more to believe that I came down here to die. I am a writer. It used to be the only thing that kept me going, but I am giving up on that too. I have been writing since I was 4 and now, for the last 1 1/2 years just have died to it little by little.

i feel there is no hope for me. THere is no way out of my situation. I live with 2 friends, but it isn't the same as being with someone who might be family and love one. I am so lonely. Each night I take a bit more Ativan hoping I won't wake up. Well, I am still here, unfortunately.

I had tremendous hopes for myself for a long, long time. My life has been very hard, but this is more than I can handle and realize I am facing a blank wall. There is no way out. THere are therapists here in Hondoras, but I have CPTSD and DID, with active alters still, which I know shoudn't. BUt I do not feel any safety in my life. i just feel it time for it to come to an end. BUt I must still be hoping for help or I wouldn't be writing here.

I guess it matters very little anymore.

Rosewell

Last edited by bluekoi; Dec 14, 2019 at 12:07 PM.. Reason: Add triggger icon.
ROSEWATER is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
cluelessgal, Fuzzybear, MickeyCheeky, Purple,Violet,Blue, zapatoes
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky

advertisement
zapatoes
Grand Magnate
 
zapatoes's Avatar
zapatoes Looking for my way
 
Member Since: Sep 2018
Location: Islandia
Posts: 4,263 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
10.9k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 13, 2019 at 11:40 PM
  #2
Rose water, I’m very sorry for how you are feeling now. Please reach out to the therapists there since you are feeling this down and sad. Do you have family or friends that you can call and speak to for support in this time of need in the US or close to where you are now. Please stay safe and take care of yourself, and write back to let everyone here know how you are doing.
zapatoes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Purple,Violet,Blue
ROSEWATER
Junior Member
ROSEWATER has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2019
Location: hONDORAS
Posts: 16
3 yr Member
4 hugs
given
Default Dec 14, 2019 at 12:03 AM
  #3
ZAPATOES,,

THANK YOU FOR BEING SO KIND AS TO RESPOND TO MY POST. i REALLY APPRECIATE IT MORE THAN i CAN SAY. i AM TRYING TO GET HELP, IT IS JUST VERY HARD WHERE i LIVE. tAKE CARE,

ROSEWATER
ROSEWATER is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Purple,Violet,Blue
 
Thanks for this!
zapatoes
cluelessgal
Member
 
cluelessgal's Avatar
cluelessgal has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2012
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 159
10 yr Member
83 hugs
given
Default Dec 15, 2019 at 04:58 AM
  #4
Hi Rosewater,

I am so sorry for how you feel. Suicide is a permanent "solution" for a temporary problem. It's not your situation that's making you suicidal, it's your mind. Please don't do anything drastic. I am glad you are at Psychcentral Forums. You'll find a lot of support here. Can you please tell us if you have any friends and family US? Anyone you can talk to?

Also, can you share what scenario/situation that you'd like to be in right now?
cluelessgal is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Purple,Violet,Blue, ROSEWATER
Mopey
Magnate
 
Mopey's Avatar
Mopey remove
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 2,025
5 yr Member
1,520 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 15, 2019 at 02:32 PM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by ROSEWATER View Post
I am increasinly suicidal. Lastnight came very close. I have been depressed for most of my life. I am 63 now.

I am sorry If this isn''t the right category for this, but I don't know quite where belong here. I have some many psych issues, they overwhelm me.I live in Hondoras, but am American. I have been here 2 years. I came to help my ex husband out who was very will, but he moved without telling me, thus abandoning me along in a foreign county. I speak little Spanish. Hondoras is beautiful. I should be happy, but I am not. I want my life over. I was finally able to contact the US Embassy about helping me get home, but realized it would be futile as I would have to pay them aback at least $10,000. I just like on disability. If I go back, yes, I will able to get help, but I will end up homeless again. As my income isn't enough to pay rent, Medicare, etc. I already went through all that years ago. My ex said he woud help me get back on my feet. He lied. Now I feel like I am in Limbo. Or nowhere. I have no children, no family that will help me.

I am begining more and more to believe that I came down here to die. I am a writer. It used to be the only thing that kept me going, but I am giving up on that too. I have been writing since I was 4 and now, for the last 1 1/2 years just have died to it little by little.

i feel there is no hope for me. THere is no way out of my situation. I live with 2 friends, but it isn't the same as being with someone who might be family and love one. I am so lonely. Each night I take a bit more Ativan hoping I won't wake up. Well, I am still here, unfortunately.

I had tremendous hopes for myself for a long, long time. My life has been very hard, but this is more than I can handle and realize I am facing a blank wall. There is no way out. THere are therapists here in Hondoras, but I have CPTSD and DID, with active alters still, which I know shoudn't. BUt I do not feel any safety in my life. i just feel it time for it to come to an end. BUt I must still be hoping for help or I wouldn't be writing here.

I guess it matters very little anymore.

Rosewell
Rosewater it is no wonder you're feeling hopeless and depressed. What has happened to you is overwhelming. To have your ex-husband betray and desert you, then to be stranded where you don't speak the language, then to be facing only homelessness and poverty if you do get back to the U.S. -- that is MAJORLY daunting.

I'm glad you are continuing to seek help down there, because it seems as if there's so much that you have to deal with all at once that you could use some objective help in figuring out how to work your way out, step by step. It's probably crucial that you break this situation down into smaller steps so that you don't try to deal with it all at once. Too overwhelming.

I think you need a plan, and some help developing one. Please keep in touch with us here for support.

In the meantime, I recommend you WRITE. Even if it doesn't make any sense, if you just put down the things you are thinking and feeling, it might be of some help.

Some physical exercise, such as short walks, may also help.

(((((((( HUGS HUGS ))))))))

__________________
Mopey is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Purple,Violet,Blue, ROSEWATER
downandlonely
Legendary
 
downandlonely's Avatar
downandlonely has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
10.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 15, 2019 at 02:37 PM
  #6
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. Are there any therapists there that speak English that you could talk to? Therapy in a foreign language would be hard. I also hope you have some family or friends somewhere in the world who can help you out.
downandlonely is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Purple,Violet,Blue, ROSEWATER
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,301 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 19, 2019 at 10:12 PM
  #7
hugs

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Purple,Violet,Blue, ROSEWATER
ROSEWATER
Junior Member
ROSEWATER has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2019
Location: hONDORAS
Posts: 16
3 yr Member
4 hugs
given
Default Dec 22, 2019 at 03:28 PM
  #8
Thank you to all of you who responded to my long post. It really helps to hear from other people. I don't feel so alone. You are all so kind. Thank you again. Rosewater.
ROSEWATER is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Purple,Violet,Blue
ROSEWATER
Junior Member
ROSEWATER has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2019
Location: hONDORAS
Posts: 16
3 yr Member
4 hugs
given
Default Dec 22, 2019 at 03:29 PM
  #9
Thank you for your kindness and suggestions. THey are truly appreciated. I will keep working on myself everyday. I must survive :
ROSEWATER is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Mopey, Purple,Violet,Blue
Purple,Violet,Blue
Magnate
 
Purple,Violet,Blue's Avatar
Purple,Violet,Blue has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2017
Location: Britain
Posts: 2,899
5 yr Member
10.3k hugs
given
Default Dec 22, 2019 at 07:38 PM
  #10
Oh no!

I read your post in another thread, but didn't realise how bad you felt.

You sound like a lovely person. And you are amongst people who understand.

This forum is a wonderful place, a kind of home for many of us. You can make dear friends here, I promise!

You deserve to live, Rosewater. And to get some enjoyment from life. It's just the depression talking.

Big hugs to you.
Purple,Violet,Blue is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:09 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.