still feeling guilty over a previous attempt

A little over 3 years ago I made an attempt, and I'm still feeling guilty for it. My mother had made an attempt so I knew first-hand how much pain it causes to a family. I still did it anyway because I was selfishly focused on only my own pain, and too cowardly to make the needed changes to my life. I wrapped myself up in self-pity and a victim mentality and used it as an excuse not to change myself or the situations I had built. Life is such a beautiful, precious, and fragile gift, and I fully intended to just throw it away for the above-mentioned reasons, which were not reasons at all to take such a step.

I have found so much help on this forum for my lingering depression and anxiety. The exercises in self-compassion have made such a huge difference in my life and metal state. But I'm finding it so hard to apply it to what I did in trying to end my life.

I have been systematically addressing the issues I've held locked away inside me for so long, and this is the only one I haven't been able to deal with so far. I have recently come to faith and it might be adding to the guilt, because I believe that our lives are borrowed so briefly while we're on this Earth and that we're here to make those lives worthwhile. God didn't let me die, but I made a serious effort to throw away what He gifted to me.

I wish I knew how to make amends for what I did.

I'm sorry you're feeling so much guilt. But I do think it's a positive thing that you're addressing your issues now. Can you try to look forward and not back? The good thing is you are still here and you can learn from your mistakes.

For the most part, guilt is a useless emotion (that just messes with our minds). The only thing it is good for, is remorse and learning. You feel remorse and you are learning. Give yourself a break and move on from it, it's in the past.

Thank you, downandlonely and whatdoesitmean. You give wise and compassionate advice. I've finally been able to forgive myself for other things I've done, and to finally forgive others for the harm they caused me, bit this one cropped back up after I thought I had put it behind me, and it's weighing on me. I try to remind myself that even God doesn't have power over the past, and that I did it because at the time I saw no other way to stop the pain. I try to make it useful by being able to show understanding for others who are feeling that same way and trying to bring them comfort and support. Perhaps this guilt is my just punishment. I just have to make sure that it doesn't paralyze me as other emotions have. I have to make positive use of it.

Hugs to both of you!

I'm sending hugs

You are here, thankfully Serpentine Leaf and cannot change the past. We all make mistakes then learn and grow.

We all have unwanted feelings, some are not valid or it is not healthy to hold on to others. Sometimes I need to challenge my feelings and think differently about things.

Our snakes can be cruel especially when they latch onto a painful situation.

I am grateful you are here to share with us. You deserve forgiveness and self love. Thank you for your honesty, a beautiful quality you hold.

Thank you so much for your support, kindness, and wise advice, Thirty shades. My other snakes got finally got quiet but one of them found something to bite on. I'll try to feed it something else!