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MatBell
treading water on dry land
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Denmark
Posts: 847
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#1
I have this very precise plan of suicide I won’t say here but it both scares me and I feel I need to do it. Man it’s hard... I don’t need to be told I have to go to hospital. I know this.
But do some of you experience the same? __________________ |
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Buffy01
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Magnate
Purple,Violet,Blue
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#2
Please take care, Matbell.
You are a precious and beautiful creature, no matter what life has done to you. |
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Anonymous41462, Fuzzybear, stahrgeyzer
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MatBell
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Anonymous48672
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#3
I'll be honest. I've had several people close to me commit suicide. It's permanent. As ****** as life can feel like sometimes, being alive means every day you have another chance. As ****** as my life feels right now, I'd rather be alive because it means I get to 'try again' and see what happens.
Are you familiar with the 4 Noble Truths of Buddhism? Normally, I hate it when people evangelize to me because I'm an Atheist and don't like religion as an institution (I think it's quite corrupt and full of hypocrites). But, from my time living in China and studying Buddhism with Buddhist monks, I definitely agree with a lot of the philosophy offered by the Buddhist tradition (which is not a religion either). If I recall your situation, you are struggling with anxiety living alone. I think if you tried to find a good roommate situation, that would definitely improve your mood a lot. Living with people is much healthier than living alone. Whatever your problems are, write down a list. Then, try to address each problem, one at a time. You may have to brainstorm more than one way to solve each of those problems. But the process will teach you a lot about yourself. It's doing that for me. You are a valuable human being MatBell. Every day is a new day (god, I hate cliches but what the hell, they DO come in handy in a pinch). Your life is valuable. Read about the 4 Noble Truths. Remember that feelings are not facts. They are just emotional responses to external circumstances. They are not reality -- feelings. Not in the least. Researches have studied emotions and discovered that emotions have a physiology. Did you know that negative emotions perseverate (last longer) than positive emotions? Sadness can take 4 days --- 4 DAYS -- to clear the system and dissipate from the body. This study is published in the psychology journal, Motivation and Emotion. It can take 5 DAYS to shift your mood from sadness to a happier emotion. How amazing of a fact is THIS to learn! Our emotions are not permanent but they can linger like body odor for days. Sadness lasts 240 times longer than other emotions, study claims | Daily Mail Online Quote:
Quote:
Four Noble Truths of Buddhism by Ron Kurtus - Succeed in Understanding Religion: School for Champions Quote:
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Purple,Violet,Blue, stahrgeyzer
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Anonymous48672
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#4
Here's that study on emotions:
Which emotions last longest and why: The role of event importance and rumination | SpringerLink |
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Purple,Violet,Blue, stahrgeyzer
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Magnate
stahrgeyzer
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#5
Are you in therapy? I have suicide planning about once a week when I trigger, except hopefully not this week. My therapist is helping me along the way. It's because of her that this will be a good week. Over time therapy is slowly teaching me how to think well, what to do when I'm triggering.
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Purple,Violet,Blue
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Wisest Elder Ever
Fuzzybear
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#6
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Purple,Violet,Blue, stahrgeyzer
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singularity01
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Member Since: Jan 2020
Location: USA
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#7
Hi. I can't say I've ever had a real specific suicide plan. I have thought about suicide several times throughout my life, but there a few reasons why I have never been all that serious about it. One reason is I have kids and I wouldn't want to hurt them in any way. I usually think I have to figure out how to get through this for them because I know they need me and I wouldn't want to cause them any pain. Secondly, I figure it would be my luck that I would live through any suicide attempt, but I would end up worse off than I was before because I'd have physical problems along with mental problems. I'm in pretty good physical shape, so I wouldn't want to screw that up. Basically, I don't think suicide is a very good answer because it can create even more problems.
I'm thankful that even when I've been really depressed that I still have been able to use my logical problem solving skills to work through it. That's always been a strength of mine. Brain storming, coming up with creative solutions, evaluating options, doing root cause analysis on myself even... I let my creativity pull me out of it. I think of things I want to do or could do and make plans for a different future. I tell myself that I'm being impatient and that things always change, although slower than I'd like them to, but it still happens. I've lived long enough to know that is true. I try to relax and be kind to myself. Chances are you are your own worst critic like I am sometimes. In recent years I've noticed that my emotional state was really out of sync with what was actually going on in my life. I would get super depressed for essentially no reason at all. That's why I decided to go on an antidepressant. So far it has been helping. Anyhow, keep working on it. I know you'll find some solutions to make your life better. Even though this world seems to suck sometimes, it is also awesome. It's pretty cool that you can write a message and get responses from random people on the other side of the Atlantic. |
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Anonymous48672, Purple,Violet,Blue, stahrgeyzer
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MatBell
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Grand Member
MatBell
treading water on dry land
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Denmark
Posts: 847
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#8
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Purple,Violet,Blue, stahrgeyzer
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Grand Member
MatBell
treading water on dry land
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Denmark
Posts: 847
83 hugs
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#9
Quote:
The thing about us being impatient but that things work out in the end is comforting. Maybe that will be true for me too. I don’t know if I can keep at it for as long as it takes though. I feel pushed into a corner with not a lot of options. If only I can grasp on to something, a hope of some kind. But it seems like every door is shutting for me. Good to hear you have kids to keep you going. I don’t. I’m sure they are a great incentive to do what you have to do to survive and get by. __________________ |
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Anonymous48672, Buffy01, Purple,Violet,Blue, stahrgeyzer, unaluna
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Buffy01
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Buffy01
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#10
I have myself for the past two years. Which is why I had to create a safety plan.
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Purple,Violet,Blue, stahrgeyzer
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MatBell
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Magnate
Purple,Violet,Blue
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#11
How are you doing, Matbell?
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stahrgeyzer
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MatBell
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Grand Member
MatBell
treading water on dry land
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Denmark
Posts: 847
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#12
__________________ |
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Ceara1010, Purple,Violet,Blue, stahrgeyzer
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Purple,Violet,Blue
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#13
Sorry to hear that.
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stahrgeyzer
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MatBell
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Grand Magnate
Crypts_Of_The_Mind
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#14
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❤ __________________ Life is not measured by the amount of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away |
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MatBell
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