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Default Jan 23, 2020 at 03:24 PM
  #1
I have this very precise plan of suicide I won’t say here but it both scares me and I feel I need to do it. Man it’s hard... I don’t need to be told I have to go to hospital. I know this.

But do some of you experience the same?

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Default Jan 23, 2020 at 06:59 PM
  #2
Please take care, Matbell.

You are a precious and beautiful creature, no matter what life has done to you.
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Default Jan 23, 2020 at 07:24 PM
  #3
I'll be honest. I've had several people close to me commit suicide. It's permanent. As ****** as life can feel like sometimes, being alive means every day you have another chance. As ****** as my life feels right now, I'd rather be alive because it means I get to 'try again' and see what happens.

Are you familiar with the 4 Noble Truths of Buddhism? Normally, I hate it when people evangelize to me because I'm an Atheist and don't like religion as an institution (I think it's quite corrupt and full of hypocrites). But, from my time living in China and studying Buddhism with Buddhist monks, I definitely agree with a lot of the philosophy offered by the Buddhist tradition (which is not a religion either).

If I recall your situation, you are struggling with anxiety living alone. I think if you tried to find a good roommate situation, that would definitely improve your mood a lot. Living with people is much healthier than living alone.

Whatever your problems are, write down a list. Then, try to address each problem, one at a time. You may have to brainstorm more than one way to solve each of those problems. But the process will teach you a lot about yourself. It's doing that for me.

You are a valuable human being MatBell. Every day is a new day (god, I hate cliches but what the hell, they DO come in handy in a pinch).

Your life is valuable. Read about the 4 Noble Truths. Remember that feelings are not facts. They are just emotional responses to external circumstances. They are not reality -- feelings. Not in the least.

Researches have studied emotions and discovered that emotions have a physiology. Did you know that negative emotions perseverate (last longer) than positive emotions? Sadness can take 4 days --- 4 DAYS -- to clear the system and dissipate from the body. This study is published in the psychology journal, Motivation and Emotion.

It can take 5 DAYS to shift your mood from sadness to a happier emotion. How amazing of a fact is THIS to learn! Our emotions are not permanent but they can linger like body odor for days.

Sadness lasts 240 times longer than other emotions, study claims | Daily Mail Online

Quote:
Researchers asked 233 students to recollect recent emotional episodes
They were asked to report the duration, and reveal their coping strategies
From 27 emotions, sadness lasted 240 times longer than disgust or shame
Fear and disgust typically lasted 30 minutes, while hatred lasted 60 hours
Boredom also counted among the shorter emotions experienced
Quote:
Sadness often goes hand-in-hand with events of greater impact such as death or accidents, explained the researchers.

And people therefore need more time to mull over and cope with what happened to fully comprehend it.

To test the length and effect of emotions, Philippe Verduyn and Saskia Lavrijsen from the University of Leuven in Belgium asked 233 students to recollect recent emotional episodes and report their duration.

The participants also had to answer questions about the strategies they used to cope with these emotions.

Out of a set of 27 emotions, sadness lasted the longest, whereas shame, surprise, fear, disgust, boredom, being touched, irritated or feeling relief were over much faster.

Typically, it took 120 hours to stop feeling sad, but just 30 minutes to get over feelings of disgust and shame.

Hatred lasted for 60 hours, followed by joy for 35 hours.

Boredom was also listed among the shorter emotions, and Professor Verduyn and Professor Lavrijsen claim this means that even though time seems to pass slowly when one is bored, an episode of boredom typically doesn't last that long.

Their research, published in Springer's journal Motivation and Emotion, is the first to provide evidence to explain why some emotions last longer than others.
Try to remember that, the next time you feel a heavy black cloud over your head. Tell yourself, "I feel pain. I feel sadness. But wait. Blanche on PC showed me some article and a psychology journal that studied emotions and found that sadness can last 4 days and take 5 days to get rid of; longer than any other emotion that a human being experiences. So, in 4-5 days, I'll be fine. Just gotta muddle through."

Four Noble Truths of Buddhism by Ron Kurtus - Succeed in Understanding Religion: School for Champions

Quote:
Four Noble Truths
The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism are stated in simple terms as:

Suffering, pain, and misery exist in life
Suffering arises from attachment to desires
Suffering ceases when attachment to desire ceases
Freedom from suffering is possible by practicing the Eightfold Path
Details of Noble Truths
The Four Noble Truths are open to interpretation, especially in modern versions of Buddhism.

1. Suffering exists
The viewpoint is that suffering and dissatisfaction exists in life. This suffering is called dukkha.

Human nature is imperfect, as is the world you live in. During your lifetime, you inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death. This is especially true for poor people.

This means you are never able to keep permanently what you strive for. Happy moments pass by, and soon you will too.

2. Suffering arises from attachment to desires
The cause of suffering is called samudaya or tanha. It is the desire to have and control things, such as craving of sensual pleasures. For example, if you desire fame and fortune, you will surely suffer disappointment and perhaps even cause suffering for others.

Attachment to material things creates suffering because attachments are transient and loss is inevitable. Thus suffering will necessarily follow.

3. Suffering ceases when attachment to desire ceases
The end to suffering is called nirodha. It is achieving Nirvana, which is the final liberation of suffering. The mind experiences complete freedom, liberation and non-attachment. It lets go of any desire or craving. It is attaining dispassion.

Nirvana means freedom from all worries, troubles and ideas. It is not comprehensible for those who have not attained it.

4. Freedom from suffering is possible by practicing the Eightfold Path
In order to end suffering, you must follow the Eightfold Path. This liberation from suffering is what many people mean when they use the word "enlightenment."

The path to the end of suffering is gradually seeking self-improvement through the eight elements. The path to the end of suffering can extend over many lifetimes, throughout which every individual rebirth is subject to karmic conditioning. Craving, ignorance and other effects will disappear gradually, as progress is made through each lifetime.

Eightfold path
There are eight attitudes or paths you must follow to find freedom from suffering. These are the "right" or correct things to do in your life:

Right view
Right intention
Right speech
Right action
Right livelihood
Right effort
Right mindfulness
Right concentration
This is the way to reach Nirvana.
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Default Jan 23, 2020 at 07:31 PM
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Default Jan 23, 2020 at 07:32 PM
  #5
Are you in therapy? I have suicide planning about once a week when I trigger, except hopefully not this week. My therapist is helping me along the way. It's because of her that this will be a good week. Over time therapy is slowly teaching me how to think well, what to do when I'm triggering.
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Default Jan 23, 2020 at 07:35 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue View Post
Please take care, Matbell.

You are a precious and beautiful creature, no matter what life has done to you.
I'm sending respect and hugs. Purple speaks with truth and wisdom.

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Default Jan 24, 2020 at 11:00 AM
  #7
Hi. I can't say I've ever had a real specific suicide plan. I have thought about suicide several times throughout my life, but there a few reasons why I have never been all that serious about it. One reason is I have kids and I wouldn't want to hurt them in any way. I usually think I have to figure out how to get through this for them because I know they need me and I wouldn't want to cause them any pain. Secondly, I figure it would be my luck that I would live through any suicide attempt, but I would end up worse off than I was before because I'd have physical problems along with mental problems. I'm in pretty good physical shape, so I wouldn't want to screw that up. Basically, I don't think suicide is a very good answer because it can create even more problems.

I'm thankful that even when I've been really depressed that I still have been able to use my logical problem solving skills to work through it. That's always been a strength of mine. Brain storming, coming up with creative solutions, evaluating options, doing root cause analysis on myself even... I let my creativity pull me out of it. I think of things I want to do or could do and make plans for a different future. I tell myself that I'm being impatient and that things always change, although slower than I'd like them to, but it still happens. I've lived long enough to know that is true. I try to relax and be kind to myself. Chances are you are your own worst critic like I am sometimes.

In recent years I've noticed that my emotional state was really out of sync with what was actually going on in my life. I would get super depressed for essentially no reason at all. That's why I decided to go on an antidepressant. So far it has been helping.

Anyhow, keep working on it. I know you'll find some solutions to make your life better. Even though this world seems to suck sometimes, it is also awesome. It's pretty cool that you can write a message and get responses from random people on the other side of the Atlantic.
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Default Jan 24, 2020 at 11:05 AM
  #8
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Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue View Post
Please take care, Matbell.


You are a precious and beautiful creature, no matter what life has done to you.


Thanks a lot. I’ll try to. That means a lot.

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Default Jan 24, 2020 at 11:35 AM
  #9
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Originally Posted by singularity01 View Post
Hi. I can't say I've ever had a real specific suicide plan. I have thought about suicide several times throughout my life, but there a few reasons why I have never been all that serious about it. One reason is I have kids and I wouldn't want to hurt them in any way. I usually think I have to figure out how to get through this for them because I know they need me and I wouldn't want to cause them any pain. Secondly, I figure it would be my luck that I would live through any suicide attempt, but I would end up worse off than I was before because I'd have physical problems along with mental problems. I'm in pretty good physical shape, so I wouldn't want to screw that up. Basically, I don't think suicide is a very good answer because it can create even more problems.


I'm thankful that even when I've been really depressed that I still have been able to use my logical problem solving skills to work through it. That's always been a strength of mine. Brain storming, coming up with creative solutions, evaluating options, doing root cause analysis on myself even... I let my creativity pull me out of it. I think of things I want to do or could do and make plans for a different future. I tell myself that I'm being impatient and that things always change, although slower than I'd like them to, but it still happens. I've lived long enough to know that is true. I try to relax and be kind to myself. Chances are you are your own worst critic like I am sometimes.


In recent years I've noticed that my emotional state was really out of sync with what was actually going on in my life. I would get super depressed for essentially no reason at all. That's why I decided to go on an antidepressant. So far it has been helping.


Anyhow, keep working on it. I know you'll find some solutions to make your life better. Even though this world seems to suck sometimes, it is also awesome. It's pretty cool that you can write a message and get responses from random people on the other side of the Atlantic.


The thing about us being impatient but that things work out in the end is comforting. Maybe that will be true for me too. I don’t know if I can keep at it for as long as it takes though. I feel pushed into a corner with not a lot of options. If only I can grasp on to something, a hope of some kind. But it seems like every door is shutting for me.
Good to hear you have kids to keep you going. I don’t. I’m sure they are a great incentive to do what you have to do to survive and get by.

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Default Jan 26, 2020 at 05:35 PM
  #10
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Originally Posted by MatBell View Post
I have this very precise plan of suicide I won’t say here but it both scares me and I feel I need to do it. Man it’s hard... I don’t need to be told I have to go to hospital. I know this.

But do some of you experience the same?
I have myself for the past two years. Which is why I had to create a safety plan.
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Default Jan 26, 2020 at 05:43 PM
  #11
How are you doing, Matbell?
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Default Jan 28, 2020 at 02:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue View Post
How are you doing, Matbell?


Thanks for asking. Not too good.

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Default Jan 28, 2020 at 03:28 PM
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Sorry to hear that.
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Default Jan 30, 2020 at 11:11 PM
  #14
Quote:
Originally Posted by MatBell View Post
I have this very precise plan of suicide I won’t say here but it both scares me and I feel I need to do it. Man it’s hard... I don’t need to be told I have to go to hospital. I know this.

But do some of you experience the same?
I have before, yes - that's when I know I am an absolute danger to myself n admit myself. It is good that you know you need to go - that gives me hope you WILL go. However, do it soon - or you will convince yourself not to. Please don't wait.


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