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MatBell
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Trig Feb 20, 2020 at 01:22 PM
  #1
I think I've talked about this before. That I can't afford to be in my apartment. Now I'm about to move. My dad is found something we're gonna see next week. Now it's happening. With everything else in my life, no job etc., this feels like the final nail. I can feel it in my whole body, an anxiety that comes up. I don't know how to deal with this and I become very suicidal.

It was postponed for a while but now it's happening. I just texted my psychiatrist about it, saying that I wanted to die. Not sure if he will even text back.

I'm not sure of myself. I feel this is the end of the rope for me, I can't keep on and I can't face another defeat. It's just too much. I have it all planned out...

I'm thinking about going in patient. Don't know if it will help.
God I just feel awful and just stare into space. Maybe I'm overreacting. But I still feel the way I feel and the thoughts are there. This just feels like the last good thing in my life and I can't continue anymore.

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Default Feb 20, 2020 at 01:42 PM
  #2
Oh, I am so, so sorry that all these awful things are happening to you.

Please do not harm yourself, MatBell. If you were gone it would be just a terrible, terrible loss.

If your psychiatrist is not able to get back to you, please call a Suicide Prevention Hotline in your country or go to a hospital as soon as possible.

I would not want anything bad to happen to you!

-- Yaowen
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Default Feb 20, 2020 at 02:00 PM
  #3
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Originally Posted by Yaowen View Post
Oh, I am so, so sorry that all these awful things are happening to you.

Please do not harm yourself, MatBell. If you were gone it would be just a terrible, terrible loss.

If your psychiatrist is not able to get back to you, please call a Suicide Prevention Hotline in your country or go to a hospital as soon as possible.

I would not want anything bad to happen to you!

-- Yaowen
Thanks for writing. I just feel like I've gone through so much **** already and this final thing is just too much for me. It's so overwhelming.
I'm actually on a chat hotline right now. Maybe that can help a bit. I just don't know what to do.

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Default Feb 20, 2020 at 02:02 PM
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Mat, have you ever been inpatient before?

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Default Feb 20, 2020 at 05:15 PM
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Mat, have you ever been inpatient before?


No never.

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Default Feb 20, 2020 at 05:24 PM
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I never have myself although I used to think about it sometimes when I was considerably younger and in more pain. But sometimes, if everything else fails, I have read that people have benefited from it. Perhaps learned some things in there.

I'm SO sorry you're in so much pain. It definitely sucks when you can't see any hope at all. Although probably the picture you are seeing is blacker than it actually is. That's how things look when you're deeply depressed. I know it's awful.

If you're not in hospital, seems to me it'd probably be a good idea to look at the alternative place with your father. Can you talk to him about how you feel? I seem to recall that although you have friendly enough relations, the two of you have not been emotionally close.

Many hugs.....

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Default Feb 23, 2020 at 03:54 PM
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Wondering how you're doing, Mat. Sending hugs

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Default Feb 24, 2020 at 09:41 AM
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Wondering how you're doing, Mat. Sending hugs
Thanks Mopey. Really appreciate your concern. Right now I'm just hanging in there and trying to keep my mood up.
I hope you are doing okay also.

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Default Feb 25, 2020 at 01:33 PM
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Thanks Mat. I too am hanging in there, trying to take things a little at a time. It's rarely better than that, but at least it isn't worse. What's the hardest, I think, is feeling overwhelmed, as if everything is coming at you at once and you can't imagine where to start, what to attend to. I try to take baby steps.

Sounds as if you're not in hospital at this point, so you're managing for now. You might try focusing on your breathing - in and out - sometimes that helps to normalize mood.

And PS - on a much lighter topic, if you feel like it, I'd be interested in your thoughts about our esteemed leader, Donald Trump, trying to buy Greenland !!! (LOL)

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Default Feb 29, 2020 at 06:01 PM
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Thanks Mat. I too am hanging in there, trying to take things a little at a time. It's rarely better than that, but at least it isn't worse. What's the hardest, I think, is feeling overwhelmed, as if everything is coming at you at once and you can't imagine where to start, what to attend to. I try to take baby steps.


Sounds as if you're not in hospital at this point, so you're managing for now. You might try focusing on your breathing - in and out - sometimes that helps to normalize mood.


And PS - on a much lighter topic, if you feel like it, I'd be interested in your thoughts about our esteemed leader, Donald Trump, trying to buy Greenland !!! (LOL)


I know. When several things come at once it’s overwhelming. Hope you’re still doing ok.

Yes, there was a of drama over that. Nothing really surprises me with him anymore. I hope Bernie Sanders gets in next.

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Default Mar 01, 2020 at 02:09 PM
  #11
Hi Mat - I'm hanging in there, haven't totally given up yet, tho I have to say, I'm happiest when I'm asleep.

So you like Bernie? He has a large following here, to me surprisingly large. I believe Denmark has a socialist government, but the U.S. in general is pretty wary of that. Not that we haven't gradually been heading in that direction, because it truly is more fair to everyone, but when it comes right down to "We're going Socialist!" there's a lot of resistance.

Anyway, I hope you're able to find a new place to live that will work.

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