Majot Depression with Psychotic Features

Does anyone else have this,as I do?

Please start a thread, if so, and if there are enough threads, then a sub-forum will be created.

Thank you!

I have bipolar depression with psychosis. Sorry you are dealing with this, it is no fun!!!!

You’re certainly welcome to come over to the schizophrenia and psychosis forum....we deal with all types of psychosis....

Thank you for responding, bpcyclist.

Yes, it isn't fun at all.

So hard to keep going sometimes.

Given your online name, do you cycle and do a lot of exercise?

Apart from meds, how do you cope?

I was in hospital twice last year...

Thank you, SP!

I will definitely check it out.

My paternal grandmother and half-sisters have schizophrenia.

But, my half-sisters don't have depression ... in other words, they don't think about suicide.

It's been really hard for me. I'll check out the forum you recommended....

Thanks!

A lot of us there actually have schizoaffective or bipolar with psychosis so depression does come into play. Anyway feel free to drop in to roll call it’s our check in thread.

I have been told by a psychiatrist that when my depression is at its worst I can experience symptoms of psychosis, which do not involve hallucinations of any kind but rather delusional beliefs that centre on a fear of being followed and/or attacked. At a job I worked several years ago I would often become convinced that specific coworkers were following me home, for instance. Fortunately, I haven't experienced this kind of psychosis in quite a while, and my depression usually resembles classic major depressive disorder without psychotic features. Is this what you mean?

Thank you, SP! I'll check it out!

Yes, this is what I mean. It could be major depression with delusion, hallucinations, or hypochrondira with or without mood related psychosis.

I generally have hypochondria.

My psychiatrist also said that it is an indicator of how bad the depression is.

I also have sometimes mixed with suicidal thoughts, and there are days when I just don't know if I'll make it.

I know it has a high level of morbidity and mortality ...

I'm on 3 anti-depressants, and anti-psychotic and an antianxiolytic.

Right now, I'm waiting for biopsy results to determine whether or not I have oral cancer and the waiting is so difficult.... It's hard for me to reign my mind in.

I'll probably call a crisis line today.

I was hospitalized twice last year and almost took my life in 2014 when I bottom out with a massive breakdown ... it took all my strength to stay alive ... and I'm so highly functioning that I wasn't admitted to hospital ... I actually lived ina different province at the time and they're having a hard time keeping up with the psych demands ... there was no room in emerg and I actually stayed in the waiting room all night suffering ... a terrible experience and I wouldn't wish this on anyone...

Is your MDD pretty much controlled? Mine isn't, I'm afraid.

I haven't ever asked for my "official" diagnosis, but in bad depressive episodes I have become paranoid, feeling like people are following me or watching me, feeling like I need to protect myself (ie: wanting a weapon of some kind), found it difficult to recognise people because for some reason they look very similar and I feel like they're all someone else I know in disguise... etc. Occasionally I will also have what I think are called pseudo hallucinations - hear people's voices but I know they're in my head. Those are very different from hearing my thoughts or imagining someone in my head. It's literally like people speaking loudly and I can hear them in my head, and have no idea what they're saying or going to say.

@trishstoppedsmoking, I'm really sorry to hear that you're waiting for a diagnosis right now, that must be extremely scary
Do you have anyone around to be with now when you're really struggling?

Thanks for responding, nikon. Thank you for sharing.

As for me waiting to see whether or not I have cancer, there isn't anyone close by. I have hid it from my mother, for now, and I did tell a couple of faraway friends. I don't really have any close friends here now that I've moved back...

Today, I called the crisis line and took a dose of antipsychotic and ativan and went to sleep.

I see my therapist this week and the psychiatrist next week.

Right now, now that I've just woke up, I feel that I can get something productive done ... like take the (many) bags of garbage out... when I'm not feeling well, I tend to not be able to keep up with housework.

I don't want to tell my mother what I'm going through and that I might have to go to hospital again, because she can't deal with the fact that I have mental illness and relapse. She says things like, "This again!" "I thought you were over that!" So, I feel blamed and shamed ... don't want to deal with that right now.

@trishstoppedsmoking It isn't. Every day is a struggle just to get through the day. I'm still trying to get medication sorted out. It's been almost 10 years now of crippling depression. That said, there has been some modest improvement since my lengthy time in inpatient care a few years ago.

I know what you mean when you say you fall behind on the housework. My apartment is extremely messy most of the time. When it takes all your strength just to get through the day, even basic chores can seem impossible to do.

I am so sorry you have been blamed and shamed for an illness over which you have no control. That is just wrong.

I ride my bike a ton. It is the only place where I can be assured of not hearing voices or thinking I am being spied on or followed or photographed, etc. It is very good for me.

Apart from that, I try to be task-oriented. Set a couple of modest, doable goals and try to achieve them, but don't judge myself if I cannot pull it off. Like, maybe, clean the kitchen. Do laundry. Meditate for an hour. Like that.

I am a big believer in both DBT and CBT, even though I do not have borderline personality disorder. Those two have been really helpful to me. I watch movies or a good show or do my breathing exercises or pray or meditate or clean (I like to clean) or cook something that is a bit of a project (I love to bake). Stuff like that. I make sure to take all my medication on time. I set small goals and try to achieve them. I try very hard not to judge myself or compare myself to other people, especially people who do not have this illness.

I get a lot of support here on PC. You guys have literally saved me from myself. So grateful.

I was discharged from the hospital in December of 2016 after 4 1/2 brutal years (a state hospital--long story). Should have been readmitted to a regular psych ward last November, but weasled my way out of it. I am writing a book about that (state hospital) experience and that has given me a nice, big project to distract myself and focus on and spend time and energy on. And exercise my brain. I recommend finding some type of project in an area of your interest, whatever that may be. Something you can work on a little over time. I think it can help to have something to look forward to.

Anyhoo, that's what I do. Sending you strength and support!! I hope you feel better soon!!!!

Hey, trish, is ketamine available in Canada? It might be worth looking into. Some people have also gotten benefit from Emsam, the MAO inhibitor. It did nothing for me, but I know folks it has worked for.

Praying for you!!!!!!

@3rd rock

I hope you feel better and better and that your medication gets sorted out.

True, like me, hard to get through the day ...

Wish your average Joe understood that ... though, then they'd have had to experience it to know ...

@bpcyclist

Thank you for breaking down your days and activities. It's really wonderful to hear how you've found things to help you compartmentalize.

I find I try to sleep to take away my thoughts ... I try to look at pretty pictures in magazines, but my concentration is poor...

Wonderful to hear you're writing a book about your stay at the state-run facility - it's bound to be an eye-opener.

I wish I had your resolve, I'm just getting by barely ... seem to have lost hope... very hard to wait for these biopsy results which I get on March 5th.

So far, you've all been really nice to me on PC and that IS helping!!

As for ketamine, it's going to be approved in Canada, but I'm not sure when. I'd be afraid it's cause psychosis, though, and I already have psychotic features .. so I don't know...

As for the MAO inihibitor, I'll ask my psych.

Right now I take Effexor, Wellbutrin and Remeron, also abilify and ativan.

I am so sorry you have to wait until March 5!!! Sending you strength!!

You should give the ketamine a read. I ws on an experimental analogue of it. I also have a lot of psychosis, but that drug did not exacerbate it. It did completely eradicate my depression, however. It did not get apporved in the USA because of side effects. Anyhow, it could possibly help you. It is working for some people with treatment-resistant depression.

Hang in there!!!

@bpcyclist

I'll come back on this thread and with the update on March 5th... Thanks for wishing me strength, I need it.

And I'll definitely take another look at ketamine.