Depression but not actually feeling it

hello all,

i was wondering if anyone has severe depression but is not actually feeling it nor showing it?

i have been depression since age 4. it set on me after my Traumatic experience that i hardly could tell what it was.

now i read what depression is and finally realized that indeed i do experience it. that means i have to re-learn what joy is / means if even i might never experienced joy?

Hi Sara C,

I am so very, very sorry you are afflicted with depression and have been for so long. How heartbreaking! Wish I knew what to say to ease your distress.

I think that one of the main ways depression destroys joy of living is by causing someone to get "stuck" in a certain way of looking at things.

A depressed person gets stuck in a "could be better but isn't better" way of looking at things. In depression one looks at oneself and others, at one's past and present, at events and things and the world in general and thinks and feels: "could be better but isn't better."

Always thinking "could be better, but isn't better" naturally brings on feelings of sadness, dissatisfaction, anger, disappointment, guilt and aggravation. And these contribute to getting stuck in depression too.

But there is another way of looking at things and it is the way that happier, more peaceful people look at things: "could be worse, but isn't worse."

I could be worse but am not worse. You could be worse but are not worse. Other people and things and events could be worse but are not worse.

This way of looking at things produces different feelings than depression produces. It produces feelings of being lucky, feelings of appreciation, feelings of gratitude, feelings of joy, feelings of peace.

Depression can be linked to medical conditions in the brain for which treatments are available.

When one is "medically" depressed, one finds it difficult or impossible to look at things from the "could be worse but isn't worse" perspective.

One gets "stuck" in the "could be better, but isn't better" perspective, stuck and unable to get out.

If one's depression is not too bad, one can sometimes try to train oneself to look at things from the "could be worse, but isn't worse" perspective.

For example, I could be starving to death but am not. I could be trapped in a burning building but am not.

I could have end stage cancer, but do not. I could be stuck in the middle of a huge desert without transportation or water but am not. And so on.

Such thoughts cause one to feel lucky and grateful, to feel happy and peaceful. [if one's sadness is not caused by organic factors]

Joy sometimes does not come automatically. One has to look at things from a certain perspective in order for joy to come into one's life.

If one has been feeling low for years, it can take some effort and practice to switch to a more "could be worse, but isn't worse, thank goodness" perspective.

If self-help doesn't work, psychotherapy or medical treatment can sometimes help.

Wish I had some wisdom to share that would help you feel joyful, but sadly I lack that wisdom.

Having struggled against serious depression myself I can really feel for what you must be going through and my heart goes out to you.

Hopefully others here with more insight will have better words for you than my poor words.

I wish you only good things, Sara C. -- Yao Wen

thank you for your compassion, yao wen.

I am currently reading a self help book on CBT that hopefully it will help me learn new ways of thinking that will bring more joy into life.



I think that joy requires more work to make it come more often. I think joy is something that does not come to people naturally. i appreciate your kindness and generosity which impressed me.

thank you.

I think of depression as operating on two levels. There is the interior level, where depression is an emotional state - a set of feelings that are negative and painful. Then there is the functional or behavioral level, where a person's capacity for action seems to be reduced, so that it's hard to work toward goals . . . hard to get stuff accomplished. I think I sense what you are referring to. I have had spells where I didn't feel particularly bad, but I seemed to have little interest in getting anything done. I didn't feel "depressed" emotionally, but I sure wasn't functioning at my normal capacity. IMHO, that's a state of being depressed.

I'ld go further and say that, with chronic depression, there can be spans of time where you don't feel very despondent/sad and you manage to tend to your resonsibilities and do the daily work life requires of you, but you get little real satisfaction out of living. I'ld call that being in a state of depression. We've all heard of people who were going along, seeming okay and performing competently at work, who committed suicide. They may have been recently seen in social situations displaying nothing abnormal moodwise. But something afflicted the person that made the individual vulnerable to completely giving up. The affliction must have been quite severe. When an individual starts experiencing depression early in life, I think they are apt to adjust to it, so that they can function fairly normally in a depressed state. People who are not chronically depressed have no real sense of what that is like.

Humans don't require continuous joy. They do need to have memories of joy and a reasonable expectation of there being some joy in the future. Otherwise, life hardly seems worth the effort. Animal behavior is mostly instinctual. Everyday the deer looks for grass to graze on, and the bird looks for seeds to crack open and swallow. Their behavior isn't mood-driven. That starts to change as animal intelligence increases. Some animal experts say that dolphins can experience mental depression and even commit suicide. They claim a severely-despondent dolphin will submerge and simply not bother coming to the water's surface to breathe. In that way, it escapes the distress of its existence. Intelligent creatures don't merely want to survive. They want to derive some satisfaction out of life . . . some joy.

hugs

interesting perspective rose76
thank you