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NoChildSupport
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Default Mar 28, 2020 at 08:51 AM
  #1
Keep in mind that I also struggle with depression and anxiety.

About a month ago, I lost my virginity to this guy on tinder. We’ve hooked up a few more times afterwards and last week on the phone he tells me that the coronavirus is messing things up for him. He complained about that self isolating is making him think of his past and he was feeling anxious over starting a new job later than he anticipated. He even mentioned having to work up energy to go to the grocery store. A couple of days later, he admitted to having struggled with depression at times in his life and was going through it again. He told me he was going to his hometown for a couple of days we’d see each other again and to keep texting him to keep in touch.

Well I’ve sort of ****ed up. I wanted to give him some space so I waited a couple of days and asked him if he was feeling okay.

Him: Yeah. You?

A couple hours later..

Me: Yeah. I know we don’t know each other well but I understand what it’s like to be depressed. If you need anyone you can talk to me.

Silence. The next night (Mistake #1)

Me: If I made you uncomfortable. I apologize.

Nothing.

The next day, I sent about 4 or 5 messages, nothing crazy, just a little anxious over his lack of response (Big mistake #2). The last thing he texted me Monday was “I’m okay. Everything’s fine.” I asked if he wanted me to stop texting him. Nothing. The next day, I didn’t bother him. The day after, I asked if he was awake. A couple of hours later, I told him to call when he could because I needed to talk to him. Nothing. I told him I didn’t know if his silence was because he wanted me to **** off or because he was depressed. Nothing. I called, it rang all the way through, no answer. The next morning I texted him.

Me: This will be my last message for a while. I’m sorry for being needy. I’ve been really emotional because I feel I threw my virginity away. (Long story)But I understand you’re having a hard time and can’t talk right now. I’ll check on you in a couple of weeks or so. Hope all is well with you.

Now I’m feeling regret because I KNOW I shouldn’t have been selfish and panicked when he didn’t respond the first time. I made the mistake of confiding in others and they told me that his depression might be some excuse to distance himself from me. So all of these crazy things are running through my head and I want to fix it and make it right. Now that I’ve sent him this last text, I actually have to go a couple of weeks without contacting him or risk looking like an overemotional lunatic. In the beginning, I told him that if he didn’t want to hookup anymore, to let me know and not ghost me. He said unless I see or hear those words from him mouth, we’re good. We’re also still matched on tinder. Did I **** up beyond repair? Can I redeem myself?

Please help me. I feel like he wanted me to text him normal things. Not frantic texts wondering if he’s alright, if we’re cool etc. I want to do that for him, just be chill, send him normal texts showing support regardless of whether or not he replies and not take his silence personally.
I’m tempted to text him in a couple of days telling him that I want to support him while he’s in this funk but I feel like it’ll look bad when I already told him I’d check on him in a couple of weeks. Say I do wait that long, do you think it’s long enough to repair the damage I made from appearing too clingy?

He’s not my boyfriend and we only hooked up a few times but I really like him and care about him a little more than I should.. I just want to fix things and not risk losing him.

What would you want someone to do if they carried on like I did?
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Default Mar 28, 2020 at 09:45 AM
  #2
Well, if you want to hear MY opinion, @NoChildSupport, I don't see any mistakes in what You did. You beahaved nicely and correctly. The fact that He isn't answering You says more about Him than about You. I'd personally wait a couple of weeks and see how it goes from there. If, after that, He STILL doesn't answer You, then I think it is time to simply move one. I am not sure whether He was hurt or not, but if He REALLY is, I think it would have been best for Him to just tell You that instead of treating You like this. Please Don't feel guilty. You didn't do anything wrong and it wasn't your fault! Keep us updated. Let us know how it goes. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @NeedChildSupport, Your Family, Your Friends, This Guy and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK, MY DEAR, SWEET, KIND, AWESOME AND WONDERFUL FRIEND?!
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Default Mar 29, 2020 at 08:47 PM
  #3
Thanks for telling me this but I’m not sure I entirely agree with the idea that I did nothing wrong. I sort of harassed someone who’s going through a difficult time because of my own issues and insecurities.

To not be so hard on myself, I think at most I’ve sent 6 or 7 unanswered texts in a row. It might sound like a lot to some but I’ve heard much worse from truly clingy people.

On the bright side, I’ve made it four nights so far without contacting him. I’m taking it one day at a time and I know he’ll talk to me again, especially after I show that I can go long periods without bothering him.
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Default Apr 07, 2020 at 06:44 PM
  #4
I would definitely leave it a while without contacting him.

How's it going now?

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