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Member
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: Kansas
Posts: 160
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#1
I was hoping this wouldn't come back but after what happened at work I think my depression is raring back. I just feel like I'm only being kept as my husband is out of work and I'm expecting. I do want to keep my job and I want to do it but I just I get this feeling I'm only kept until I outlive my usefulness. I did screw up but I feel horrible about that. I wrote that incident report in tears afraid that was it and tried to explain what happened ...it was an accident. No excuses but I put that in by hand instead of using the lookup box now. I'm sure that's what happened. I selected the wrong number. I understand what I did but this whole week has been bad. I have been so scatterbrained I wondered if I had undiagnosed ADD, my mom keeps saying I should go on more meds but I don't think that's safe with kiddo on board and I'm on one right now. I just feel pretty useless and I wanted to tell my boss or someone at work I'm under a lot of stress but I think they'll just think I'm being dramatic or "hormonal". I got that vibe when I tried to tell my mom. She was trying to help but everytime this happens the subject turns to meds. Yes I took them. No I dont think its pooping out. I'm upset, I just need to vent and ask for advice. Sorry I'm just in a horrid mood and i feel like in bothering everyone.
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Fuzzybear, winter4me, Yaowen
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 3,618
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#2
Dear Foo Fighter,
I think your feelings are completely understandable given everything that has happened and is happening. Depression is awful and I am so very, very sorry it is coming back into your life ! Sincerely yours, -- Yao Wen |
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Foo Fighter
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winter4me
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,433
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#3
Just telling your boss you're under stress won't get you anywhere. If you want allowances made for stress, you have to offer something too. What are you going to do to manage your stress? Everyone screws up on a job sooner or later. One particular screw up doesn't usually cause an employer to want to dump you. What concerns the employer is if that screw up is part of a larger pattern. Even then, an employer can decide to be supportive of you, if you give acknowledgement that you have a performance problem and can come up with a plan to correct that. You can even ask your employer for advice on designing that plan. But you have to have some ideas of your own on how to better manage your responsibilities at work. A sincere commitment to doing so can very favorably impress a superviser. Your stress is your problem. Being kept on until we outlive our usefulness is pretty much the fate of anyone on any job. "It's not personal. It's business."
Your husband being out of work while you are awaiting a baby is a very tough circumstance. Add depression to that, and you certainly are coping with a lot. Your mom is in denial, thinking that there's some pill you could pop to offset all that. Getting an additional psych diagnosis isn't going to help much either. There probably are good psychological explanations for your performance deficit. You could sit down with an a analyst and explore all that. Might be interesting. Then what? Ultimately, it's on you to make yourself valuable to your employer. If you can't, then you don't belong on this job. Even that would not be the end of the world. It might mean you need to do something else where you could be more successful. But, first, try and make the most of the opportunity life has given you with this job. Put aside your understandable desire to be understood by your boss and coworkers. Try and figure out how to do better. Let others know that you are working on your problem. That's the best way to get support on the job. |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2012
Location: new england
Posts: 7,733
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#4
I am so sorry you are feeling as you do. Please try not to beat yourself up about mistakes at work, everyone makes them and being stressed and beating yourself up can lead to "proving" yourself "right". It is much better if, when you feel scattered, you slow down. (say, at work could you go to the bathroom for two-four minutes and just do some deep breathing or use an earbud to listen to soft music?)
I am also sorry your mother is so focused on medication. It sounds as though you could really use someone to talk with who would listen and provide you with emotional support and help you develop the skills you need to be able to care for your mental and physical health. Do you have someone to talk with? And do try to take a bit of time each day to do something nice for yourself. Is your husband supportive? It must be a difficult time for both of you. Is there anything you can do together (?happy family planning) to relieve some of the pressure? __________________ "...don't say Home / the bones of that word mend slowly...' marie harris |
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Member
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: Kansas
Posts: 160
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#5
Thanks. I'm going to see if my OB can reccomend a therapist. I think that would help especially with what all is going on. My mom has a point that pills help. They do help for day to day but you will have good and bad days. Sometimes on your bad days you just need someone to talk to. I'm trying to be on my best at work as well. It's just hard with this COVID stuff and trying to stay on the ball. I felt better when someone else says she was frustrated because she felt no one was communicating. Still....feeling a little better today.
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Rose76
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
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#6
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