Lockdown depression

Anyone else dealing with this? How are you coping?








Are my threads really that repulsive? What am I doing wrong? I get that I am socially inept and working on showing interest in others.

Yeah, like I went to the grocery store yesterday and seeing all the people in masks (and I was wearing a mask and gloves) all of sudden hit me as so surreal...like a horror movie. I came back to my apartment and while trying to bring my groceries in the door slammed on my fingers. I never realized what a heavy door it was. I just burst out crying and ran to the sink to run cold water over my fingers. I was sobbing. And I am NOT a crier. I think I was just sobbing about EVERYTHING. You know, all the stress of the situation. And I was already pretty stressed out before Covid 19. I have extremely difficult money problems.


I decided to go out more...but maybe away from people wearing masks and gloves. We have a lot of hiking areas where I live and our gov did not close any parks because where I live outdoor hiking is very important to people.

Yesterday I realized I am a lot more stressed and depressed than I realized.


I started to listen to a lot more music and that has helped. Music calms me. I have also been sleeping more. Usually I sleep 8 hours like clockwork. Last night I slept 12 hours. I decided not to worry about it.

What I DON'T do is use any unhealthy coping means such as alcohol or drugs, or junk food. I also stopped watching detective shows and you know, scary shows, in general, because they were negatively affecting me. Now I watch silly, funny stuff only.

Dechan thank you so much for replying. I really appreciate it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DechanDawa Yeah, like I went to the grocery store yesterday and seeing all the people in masks (and I was wearing a mask and gloves) all of sudden hit me as so surreal...like a horror movie. I came back to my apartment and while trying to bring my groceries in the door slammed the door on my fingers. I never realized what a heavy door it was. I just burst out crying and ran to the sink to run cold water over my fingers. I was sobbing. And I am NOT a crier. I think I was just sobbing about EVERYTHING. You know, all the stress of the situation. And I was already pretty stressed out before Covid 19. I have extremely difficult money problems.

The world does feel surreal, like we are living in a movie.

I've also noticed a lot of masks and gloves too. Not all people are wearing them where I am, probably because it isn't the law. I do not wear them. Masks have a smell that I find disgusting and they tend to fog up my glasses, so I have been avoiding them. All I have been doing is washing my hands a lot more often and being careful about things I touch. I'm also making sure not to touch my face out in public.

How is your hand?

Money is a concern for me as well. Do you have enough to get by? I hope that is okay to ask. If not, ignore it.

I fear losing my job. I've been laid off until further notice. I don't want to lose my job, because I gave up so much to get it. This terrifies me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DechanDawa I decided to go out more...but maybe away from people wearing masks and gloves. We have a lot of hiking areas where I live and our gov did not close any parks because where I live outdoor hiking is very important to people.

All the parks have been closed here, even the walking trails. I try to go out everyday for a walk around the neighborhood. Sometimes I am out for 3 hours. It seems to help my mood. Have you gone on a walk yet?

Quote:

Originally Posted by DechanDawa Yesterday I realized I am a lot more stressed and depressed than I realized.

This lockdown feels so much more stressful than life prior to it.





My outlet has been Star Trek. I always seem to turn to it when I am dealing with stress and illness. It takes me away from life and my head. I learn so much about life from Data.

Mr. Bean and the Blues Brothers help a lot too.

I don't watch the news at all. I can't deal with the negativity. E.g., The constant death updates

Drinking makes depression worse, so I avoid it.

I love Star Trek.

My fingers are black and blue, thanks for asking. Hurts a little to type.


Weird things have been happening like the battery in my truck died. Getting it replaced was an added expense.

I am going out for a long walk this evening because this week is a full moon, the Flower Moon. I don't have a yard so I will just go find an open space area away from people.

Masks are uncomfortable especially now with the hot weather. But it is still required here. Supposedly ALL THE TIME even when walking...but if I go out in the evening forget it I am not going to wear one. I am going to follow your practice and go out for longer walks. I think that is excellent that you are walking so much. Also excellent that you realize alcohol is a depressant. I drink a lot of herbal iced tea. Everyone has to stay hydrated. Also I think that reaching out to see how others are coping is one of the best things of all. So thanks for coming on PC.

Yes, I am staying away from the news, too. So much of it is political. I just want facts. I feel certain they will come up with a vaccine soon, within months...as now there are hundreds of possible vaccines being worked on.

Hang in there. Because you watch Star Trek I have complete faith in your ability to make it through this difficult time. Years ago I went to a Star Trek Convention and it was the most fantastic event...and the topper was an appearance by a much younger (Patrick Stewart) Picard. I went with my sister-in-law because she was a diehard fan. When she saw Picard she almost fainted. It was hilarious!

Bring your mask with you, just in case you are stopped for not wearing it.

I've been going out after 7 pm for my walks. It's quiet at that time, since a lot of people are at home.

There is a small park near my place that people having been enjoying. It has a lot of trees so people can easily hide. There are a few ponds and one is filled with night singers. The spring peepers are extremely loud. Sometimes I go just to listen to them and watch the birds.

A few years ago I went to a comiccon and loved it. I attended every Star Trek and steampunk presentation I could. Riker, Troi, Crusher and Uhura were there. Everyone in attendance was friendly. I'd like to attend another convention in costume someday.

Your replies eased the despair I am feeling. Thanks.

I love steampunk! Seriously. Love it, love everything about it. And I am an adult woman! I love events. I was always interested in going to Burning Man.

I am ready to go for a walk soon this evening. Thanks for the advice on the mask. When I go out I usually hang one from the string of my hoodie. (In stores it's mandatory)


How crazy is it that people are needing to think of hiding at your local park! I mean I don't think people should be gathering in large crowds...but with the proper social distancing...seems like an outing to a park would be okay. Seriously, where I live it is semi-rural so am more worried about animals than people after dark. The other night I heard a cougar calling in our neighborhood. Seriously. It sounds like...like a cat but shatteringly loud. I went out on my balcony, couldn't see anything, but it was very obviously the call of a mountain lion.


I would love to hear night peepers...but have no desire to meet a cougar face-to-face. Once I was in a cabin near here and looked out my window (after hearing them call) and saw two cougars. They walked right by the porch. They are big!

Try not to worry too much about your job. I have a feeling you will be okay. It probably feels weird to not be working...but I bet you will go back to work eventually.

Talking to someone helps. Okay, going walking tonight. Thank you for inspiring me. (Will bring flashlight, walking stick, pepper spray) and magic dust to throw at any zombies I encounter

I feel like I'm fortunate through this time. But it's still not a nice feeling. Yes, I agree with the masks as feeling like being in a horror movie. Also I feel like I'm being whipped into submission; and I really hate that.

I wasn't feeling all that great emotionally before this thing hit. Some people are saying that they are happier now than ever before. There are some things that are better for me; such as less crowds. But I haven't felt better. And some of the nicer things that have happened to other people (such as hearing from others whom they haven't heard from in a long while) hasn't happened to me at all.

Well, I don't know why some people are saying they are happier than ever before. Many multitudes of people are sick and dying...all ages. If I am grateful it is because I remain healthy, and my family members remain healthy. But with soooooo many sick, dying, and dead...this shouldn't really be the happiest time ever for anyone. Sorry. I feel that way. AND as well it is a horrible time for essential workers, doctors, nurses, and all other staff working in hospitals, and morgues.

Will, thank you for replying.

I definitely can relate.

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Originally Posted by will19 I feel like I'm fortunate through this time. But it's still not a nice feeling. Yes, I agree with the masks as feeling like being in a horror movie. Also I feel like I'm being whipped into submission; and I really hate that. I wasn't feeling all that great emotionally before this thing hit. Some people are saying that they are happier now than ever before. There are some things that are better for me; such as less crowds. But I haven't felt better. And some of the nicer things that have happened to other people (such as hearing from others whom they haven't heard from in a long while) hasn't happened to me at all.

A lot of people seem to be doing okay, but really miss interacting with others. My friend who has stage 4 cancer doesn't seem to mind what is going on at all. He's older and established. There are a lot of things he can do at home to keep him occupied. Plus he is able to socialize with his wife and has a good pension. Everyone else I know is struggling.

Smaller crowds are definitely a positive outcome of this lockdown. I don't have to smell people in stores, on public transit etc... when I got out. Going out doesn't overwhelm me like it did a few months ago.

Going to the grocery store is the highlight of the week, along with buying a coffee and a donut, because I can treat myself. My walks keep me sane. I'm glad I am still able to do those things. If I couldn't leave the house for months, I don't know what I would do.

I'd like to attend Burning Man someday.

No groups of people are hiding in the park that I have noticed. Families walk through it. Last week a couple and their daughter were out looking for frogs. They were enjoying it. People also walk their dogs. I have seen people sitting on old logs. Sometimes I do that to listen to nature. It is the only place I can go to besides the grocery store and Walmart. This park has been keeping me sane.

Last week during one of my walks, I noticed a lone men at a baseball field sitting in the dugout. It was as if he was watching a ball game taking place on the empty field. I realized people are longing for society to get going again.

Dechan, how was your walk?

Yeah, I find it depressing. I think most people do. It seems like the world is crazy and it makes it very hard for me to keep my own craziness in check under these circumstances. I am so sick of hearing about frigging corona virus and the lock down crap. Oh, and I hate the phrase "the new normal". F*** that. This is not ever going to be considered normal to me. I'm going to start visiting friends and whatever I want because I need to live my life. This whole situation the government setup just makes me wish I could catch corona virus and die to get out of this dystopian nightmare. If I can't live a normal life, what is the point? Social media sucks and is not an adequate substitute for seeing people irl.

It is difficult. I have not adequately adjusted and transformed my life around it. I am not getting out as much as I like...because of some low-level anxiety that is not even that realistic. I have no intention of going around crowds. I just need to get out in the sunshine. I think, like singularity01, I had my own problems before all this began and so this is just another layer...of anxiety.

However I don't think I will just pretend nothing is going on and try to go back to the "old normal" because that no longer exists.


And I do not want to get this virus. It is not like the normal flu...it is a deeply deadly thing not even yet fully understood.


I agree that social media is not a substitute for real-life interactions...but if you get this virus and end up in the hospital on a ventilator...see what kind of social life you have.

Quote:

Originally Posted by singularity01 Yeah, I find it depressing. I think most people do. It seems like the world is crazy and it makes it very hard for me to keep my own craziness in check under these circumstances. I am so sick of hearing about frigging corona virus and the lock down crap. Oh, and I hate the phrase "the new normal". F*** that. This is not ever going to be considered normal to me. I'm going to start visiting friends and whatever I want because I need to live my life. This whole situation the government setup just makes me wish I could catch corona virus and die to get out of this dystopian nightmare. If I can't live a normal life, what is the point? Social media sucks and is not an adequate substitute for seeing people irl.

I definitely agree with living your life. I've decided not to wait for the government to tell me what to do. Anyway it took my job away and disrupted my schooling.

It does feel like a dystopian world now.

Social media and news agencies have definitely fed the fear that a lot of people feel. People are very scared. Many seem to think the virus has a 99.99% death rate. Yesterday I read an article on how the virus manifests itself. It made me panic for an instant, until I realized it was describing severe illness only. Not all people who contract the virus get that ill.

When a cold or stomach virus makes it way through a household, everybody reacts differently. Some people don't get sick, others get mildly sick or severely ill. It depends on a lot of different factors. This virus is the same.

I haven't seen anyone, besides my two housemates since March 13th. I am going nuts.

It is true it reacts differently in everyone...at the same time it is nothing like a stomach virus or a cold. With these yes, some people get sicker than others but they don't end up in the hospital on ventilators and then dead. Young people with no other health problems often die within days...and this is not exaggeration. There are countless reports from front line workers...doctors and nurse, and those stories are horrifying. Whatever. Each person will do what they will.

I do okay most days but there are some days the weight of everything is just so heavy. It’s suffocating. I’m going out to stock up tomorrow and it’s supposed to be a pretty day. Maybe that will help.

I was doing ok up until recently. I've been on meds for depression since 2004. It almost never comes up or is a problem in any way. But just in the last few days I feel like my depression symptoms are back. I've been taking an extra 1/2 tablet of my med in the afternoon when the symptoms feel like too much; I've also been taking CBD. Good thing I'm going to the doc tomorrow for something else so I can talk to her about this, too. I think what's bothering me is that so much of what's happening doesn't make any sense. I'm a health policy and research person - I read the studies about the virus stuff and the economic and health consequences of the shut down. People's lives are being ruined and there's no justification for this. It feels like people have little control over what's happening...

I need to get more exercise, listen to music, maybe do yoga or meditation. And I have lots of work to do (I'm working on my dissertation, starting a podcast and blogging, and I have a few other irons in the fire). It's hard to do any of that when I feel depressed.

I agree with the getting more exercise thing. I need to do that as well. I think June might be a little better because the kids are supposed to be able to go back to karate then. I had one of my kids in swimming lessons. I don't know if those will resume in June.

Anyhow, another layer of this is my disappointment in my oldest child not receiving the standard high school graduation due to the way the government has reacted. That is something that parents look forward to and they just made it all suck. The older folks complain so much about the kids, but they are very disconnected from them. They don't realize that kids like my son don't get to have any of the fun things being in high school used to be about. I went to so many parties in the 90's. Back then, when you got your license you could drive your other high school friends places (parties). With my son, the law is he can't drive anyone under 21 with the exception of family. That sucks. They did that to reduce driving accidents among the new drivers, but the cost is not having all those great times in high school. Now he doesn't even get a graduation. Whatever I guess.

The governor is allowing groups of up to 10 people, so really people could be socializing now, but they made people so scared. It is hard to find people who are willing to actually meet up. If the government overreacts, the people overreact. Really, if you aren't coughing and sneezing all over someone and getting up in their personal space, you aren't going to give them anything. I'm sick of everyone treating each other like we're all just a bunch of disease spreaders instead of people. This is incredibly dysfunctional.

The government had the hospitals in my area only handling emergencies. Same for the dentists. As if they were expecting massive amounts of people to need hospitalization for corona virus. Well, the hospitals have nothing going on in my area to the point that they are laying people off. They still aren't letting the dentists do their regular procedures, but they let the hair salons open. The whole thing makes no sense. And yeah, people are suffering from other health problems and they haven't been able to get treatment for it because of this. The only thing that seems to matter any more is corona virus.

I'm also a little pissed this morning reading that Fauci suggested that the schools might not be able to reopen in the fall. F*** off dude. My elementary school aged child needs to go to school. This whole "homeschooling" while I am trying to "work" thing is not working and I know my kid is not learning like he should be. He is just doing self directed activities on a computer. We CANNOT do this again next school year or ever again. Shutting down the schools for this long was bad. If this continues we are really screwing over Gen Z. All the information out there has consistently said that children are at the lowest risk for severe symptoms.

These people that run the show ought to be able to figure out a way to protect the old people without punishing the young people. We shouldn't all isolate. Things are starting to fall apart. Products are becoming hard to find in stores. People need to get back to living normally or we're going to have way more problems than we do now.

I sympathize with your situation. I hope things get better for you soon. The media has a way of focusing people on everything negative. All the articles are on corona virus. You'd think everyone has it based on how many articles are on it. I don't know a single person who has had it still. It is not all the prevalent in my area. I think it is bizarre how they decided to treat small cities and rural areas the same as NYC. We aren't packed in like sardines where I live, so diseases like this aren't going to spread as much. The government has no good plan here. Their response was botched, but they'll never admit to that. They'll say they saved lives. In the end, I bet the same amount of people will die of it whether they intervened like they did or not. We have to open things up soon. There's already been a lot of disruption to the supply chain. People are out of work. How can they take care of themselves without money? It's kind of the way everything is setup and we aren't solving that particular problem anytime soon.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I do okay most days but there are some days the weight of everything is just so heavy. It’s suffocating. I’m going out to stock up tomorrow and it’s supposed to be a pretty day. Maybe that will help.

The lockdown has had the same effect on my emotions. I hope you are starting to feel better.

The milder weather has been helping me feel better, along with my long walks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by G lady I was doing ok up until recently. I've been on meds for depression since 2004. It almost never comes up or is a problem in any way. But just in the last few days I feel like my depression symptoms are back. I've been taking an extra 1/2 tablet of my med in the afternoon when the symptoms feel like too much; I've also been taking CBD. Good thing I'm going to the doc tomorrow for something else so I can talk to her about this, too. I think what's bothering me is that so much of what's happening doesn't make any sense. I'm a health policy and research person - I read the studies about the virus stuff and the economic and health consequences of the shut down. People's lives are being ruined and there's no justification for this. It feels like people have little control over what's happening...

Has the CBD helped? I have been experimenting with it. The lockdown seemed to be the right time to try it out. I find it helps soothe my anxiety.


It feels like the government took control of my life. This is something I never thought I would feel and write down.