Depressed and angry

Going to be a long story so bare with me. I'm two months from being 30 and not happy at all with my life. I don't have my driver's license , no job , no husband you name it. I have a boyfriend but has to look out for his elderly mom. Long story short I was born to older parents . They were in their 30s , my mom got sick shortly after I was born . I barely remember a time she could walk well. I can remember when she could it would take hours to get groceries , or she would spend what felt like hours in the bathroom with digestive attacks. None of witch she could help. I was sheltered by my parents as well . I believe they meant well but it hasn't turned out well for me. To this day I still have trouble cutting my food up because they always did it. I have adhd, depression and anxiety. I was at least told I had ADHD to my parents when I was sent their because i kept repeating the names of body parts as a child was i told the facts of life or so my mom said . My older sister by ten years as always been abusive both mentally and physically to me. In the year 2000 everyone but me had serious health issues. The sister a brain tumor , my dad had to have two artificial hart values put in . My mom still had no idea what was wrong with her . Fast forward a few years my sister had brain surgery , dad doing well after his hart surgery. My mom finds out she has multiple sclerosis and it will continue to get worse. Years still go by and now I'm having to care for my mom at like 10 and 11, my sister is still verbally and physically abusive to me . Still years go by my sister gets pregnant , my dad isn't happy about it and they proced to argue , she stabs my dad claiming he pushed her, next she pulls his hunting gun on him, seeing this at a young age it scares me of course and I go hid it the closest. Fast forward its 2005 and my mother goes into the hospital unable to walk. She never comes back. She's now in a nursing home and will be till her death in 2015. 2017 my life goes to hell, my sister is pregnant again (she lost the other child) this time she has a healthy baby. , I date a much older man . I'm 26 by this time. He uses me , I go on a trip with a person I thought I could trust. Get sexual abused, and no one believes me because said person told me what to say to them. The only good thing that came from it was meeting my boyfriend around this time. So here I am now almost 30. What I'm angry with is why did I have to go through all this? Why did I have to become a caretaker at so young? My dad is still alive in his mid 60s and I think hes bi polar or getting demetria or something and I feel like I have to care forhim. Being mad makes me feel guilty witch in turn makes me feel depressed. I just needed to get this off my chest cause I really don't have anyone to talk to about all this. My therapy sessions only last maybe 30 min. Thank you reading my post.

I know how you feel. I come from a dysfunctional family also. I was also homeless, broke, and abused many times. I came to the realization that my past or my family are things that I can't change. So, I am trying to focus on things I can change. I got a job and am working on my self-esteem by trying to be healthy and improving my appearance. I also want to return to school one day and find a better job. Nobody is telling me anything. I am just doing these things on my own. Of course, I'm much older than you. I used to blame my family and my past for not being happy. But, I realize I must focus on me, not on them. I am now on my own after being imprisoned by my parents for two years. They thought it was best for me to stay home and not do anything. So, I looked for a job and once I got it, I left home as soon as I could. I am now doing ok and looking forward to my future. It is easier to blame others for bad actions or thoughts. You are an adult now. I felt my bad life was everybody else's fault too. But, then, I came to the conclusion this is my life. I should take responsibility for myself and instead of blaming others for my situation, try to improve myself some how. Some people never leave their awful situations though.


It is not easy to take responsibility for oneself. It takes a lot of maturity and courage to realize your life is your responsibility. What you do with your life should be your doing, not others. Hopefully, you will see through your anger and make a future for yourself. I see you are like me and are attracted to men who abuse you because that is all you know. Take some time for yourself and learn to love yourself. Remember you are the most important person in this world in your life. You deserve better than being abused. Take care of yourself. I realized this that nobody will take care of me but myself. My parents are too old and and deluded to take care of me now. You will realize that when you are all alone you need to find it in yourself to love yourself and to carry on. Life is a challenge. It is not easy to live life well. But, you must live it well for yourself before finding someone who will love you for you. I have never found any man yet who loves me for me though. So, I am going to focus on living my life for myself. I hope you find the courage and love for yourself to break free from your family and your past.

Thank you so much.