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Heart Jun 05, 2020 at 10:39 PM
  #21
Thank you for your very sweet message, Rose. I'm so glad you got there safely & you're with family now. You are really remarkable, Rose. Hugs & love to you!!
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Default Jun 06, 2020 at 01:21 PM
  #22
My sister and niece picked me up at the airport and brought me home with them. To be here with them makes the pain so much more tolerable. I'm lucky to have them right now.
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Default Jun 06, 2020 at 10:30 PM
  #23
Thanks for coming through for me. Reading your notes yesterday coming thru NJ - not the nicest part of it, either - gave me something . . . like a big warm hand to hold onto. My niece, driving, and my sister, navigating, were appropriately preoccupied, and I felt alone in the back seat. It means so much to me that members here at PC have followed my story through my threads and offer warm support now.

My sister and my niece are taking good care of me, which is why I can honestly say I am not depressed. Yes, I mourn . . . but not every second of every hour. Right now I'm in a bubble bath my sister drew for me, sipping a wine spritzer my niece thought would be good for me. It is helping get rid of tension and body aches.

Here is my main problem right now. I was never close with my bf's adult children. Their mother was always wonderful to me both she and her 2nd husband. She told me that her kids distanced themselves from their dad, after the divorce, because he became a problem drinker. (Literally hit the skids. We all never knew when he was going to go on a spree.) She said that spilled over into how they treated me because I was with him. She told me she was sorry and advised me not to take it personally. At any family fhnction I attended, she and her second husband made me feel included. When she died 16 years ago, I felt I had lost the only real friend I had in my bf's family. His adult children were glad he had me in his life. I think it spared them some worries they might otherwise have had. He snd I had moved to the opposite corner of the country. When he developed dementia, they knew I made sure all his needs were met. I didn't bother them much. I texted them updates when he went in and out of the hospital.

Many months ago, I had is best clothes (suits, nice shirts, etc) dry cleaned and wanted to box them carefully and send them to his oldest daughter. (I would do this quietly, so as not to alarm my bf.) She told me not to . . . that she would select a and buy new things when the time came.

The day before I was to fly and accompany my bf's body 2000 miles, she asked the I bring out or ship out what he needed to be buried in.

I was a wreck, hardly able to pack my own little suitcase. I did resent being asked to do that at the last minute. I expressed that I felt overwhelmed. She sent me a defensive text message - saying this was no time for me to get upset because our minds should be on celebrating his life. Later I called her and the call escalated into her telling me I should know how much she appreciated me caring for her dad. She asked me if I knew the depth of her appreciation. I said I didn't know what to think. Then she started screaming and said for me to doubt her appreciation was "disgusting." She hung up, or I did. Then her husband called me and told me to never call her again. Hr told me that, whatever problem I had, I need to "Deal with it!" Then be hung up.

Tonight I'm worrying that I can never trust anyone. I'm worrying that my sister might get sick of me soon and turn on me. I'm afraid I won't be safe until I get home to my own apartment and stay by myself alone.

My sister is being so nice. I'm afraid this is a pretty bubble that may burst any second. It feels so good being cared for at this time . . . but I keep thinking that maybe I'm in the way.
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Heart Jun 06, 2020 at 11:41 PM
  #24
Dear Rose, no matter how they end up being, nothing can take away from the love you & your boyfriend shared. And your treasured memories will always live in your heart. And no matter what the unkind people say or do, many more people understand & love you! Hopefully a few people there really care & you can spend most of your time with them. God bless you, dear Rose! Hugs & love to you!!
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Default Jun 07, 2020 at 12:33 AM
  #25
I enjoyed the bubble for a long time. I haven't had access to a tub for a long time. I guess I was in there for 2 hours. Nobody who knows me well would find that strange.

When I came out, my sister was furious. She thought I had taken a lot of drugs and was going to commit suicide ny drownding

She was so angry. I was in the tub right through dinner time. That was rude of me. They were having steak. Maybe she was waiting to cook a steak for me. It was a jacuzzi tub and I was enjoying it. I figured she'ld say something, if she wanted to plan to cook mr a steak.

So I was in the bubble bath, reading on line, relaxing so enjoyably, and she was becoming royally pissed off. I got to get oit of here.
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Default Jun 07, 2020 at 12:38 AM
  #26
Oh wow rose - it sounds like his daughter is a real life Karen, funeral edition! You cant make this stuff up! Please, dont let her nonsense get you down.

Just read your update - oh no! Why didnt she knock?! Ive been known to take 6 hour baths! But yes, i definitely would have needed a 2 hr nap at any rate.
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Default Jun 07, 2020 at 04:03 AM
  #27
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Originally Posted by Rose76 View Post
I enjoyed the bubble for a long time. I haven't had access to a tub for a long time. I guess I was in there for 2 hours. Nobody who knows me well would find that strange.

When I came out, my sister was furious. She thought I had taken a lot of drugs and was going to commit suicide ny drownding

She was so angry. I was in the tub right through dinner time. That was rude of me.

I am sorry you had to deal with this but try to remember that she was angry because she was worried. You aren't rude at all--you have a lot on your mind and it has just been you and your bf for so long that of course you wouldn't think to "report" for 2 hours. Unaluna is right! She could have knocked on the door. Also, maybe just keep your distance from his daughter and let her husband do the comforting. Given what you just went through, they should all be showing you appreciation but sometimes people just get caught up in their own stuff and forget what others are going through. Take care of yourself. You have been through a lot!
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Default Jun 08, 2020 at 10:22 AM
  #28
My thoughts are with you Rose.

Now is not an easy time. Hugs

The loss of his companionship must be so hard to bare.

You are never alone. The love he had for you was left behind. Hold onto it.
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Default Jun 08, 2020 at 11:53 AM
  #29
Love and support, Rose.

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When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield
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Default Jun 08, 2020 at 04:02 PM
  #30
This is not my bf's daughter I'm talking about. Sorry for the lack of clarity. I haven't even seen his kids.

This is mu own sister who picked me up at Newark Airport. She did knock on the bathroom door. I asked was I holding anything up. The answer was no.

My sister said she thought I was overdosing on drugs and going to drown like Whitney Houston. When I got out of the tub, my sister gave me a big lecture on how she thinks I'm an addict getting ready to OD.

My sister knows I take Vicodin for pain, snd that offends her because "it's not organic." I take 10 to 15 mg 2 to 3 times a day. That is a substantial amount. I needed it when I was caring for my bf. Now I don't get anywhere's near that sore.

My sister has been a problem drinker for years - arrested for drunk, disorderly conduct.

I thought we were going to be cooking together.
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Thumbs up Jun 12, 2020 at 01:35 AM
  #31
The service for my bf was Thurs at the funeral home. Friday (today) I fly 2000 miles back to where I live. I tell myself, "Bust gdt through one more day. Bust get through one more day." I neep saying that in my head over and over. If I imagine being alone for months and years to come without My Love, I get panicked with grief. So I shut that kind of thinking off. I say "Just get through today."

I've been in a hotel room since Monday eve.This is my 4rth night sleeping here. I just have to get to the airport and fly home. Then I have to clear out his apt. The manager says I have to clear and clean it by the 14th of June. That will be impossible. I do fear she will change the lock on Monday and lock me out. She is ruthless. I'll get my stuff out tomorrow. I have my own apt, so not like I will be homeless. But I need more time. We just had the service today.

My bf was getting a HUD subsidy. Manager says HUD lets her do this, even though he paid June's rent. Sometimes being poor means you can sure get pushed around.

I pray Heaven to not let me get really out of my mind. So far I don't have bad depression. Been too busy.

Last edited by Rose76; Jun 12, 2020 at 01:47 AM..
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Default Jun 12, 2020 at 11:10 AM
  #32
I'm on the plane flying back now. Jeading toward Chicago. Grief is starting to break through. Please please.
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Default Jun 12, 2020 at 11:23 AM
  #33
I am so sorry for your loss. You are not alone! One day at a time.. you can do it.
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Default Jun 12, 2020 at 11:34 AM
  #34
That is horrible about the apartment. Can you get help to clean it out? Maybe the manager has a reference?
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Default Jun 12, 2020 at 02:12 PM
  #35
It’s ok to grieve and be human Rose. Do what you can when it comes to his apartment. Take the things you may want to keep there and then just let the landlord remove the rest. Actually that may be better for you to do. If the landlord is being cold and pushy then get what you want and walk away.

Honestly what we all have to learn to do after a loss like this is to learn how to live our lives one day at a time despite the loss. Grieving is not something that a person does for a few days and is over with. It’s a process that takes time to work through.

Once you get home and get settled and get some rest start looking for a group you can connect with for grieving. I know it’s harder for groups like this to gather together right now however people have been finding ways to work around our current challenges. I think it will help you if you can get together with others than can relate to where you are now and offer you support and understanding. Then when you get stronger you can help someone else that’s where you are now.

We all have to learn how to navigate a significant loss. It’s not something any of us JUST know how to do.

Last edited by Open Eyes; Jun 12, 2020 at 02:58 PM..
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Default Jun 12, 2020 at 10:46 PM
  #36
Today I got off the plane, and he wasn't waiting for me . . . not at the gate . . . not pulled up in the car outside . . . not in his chair in the livingroom at home. Oh my love, Oh my love, Oh my love.
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Default Jun 12, 2020 at 11:32 PM
  #37
I am thinking about you Rose. You aren’t alone. We are with you In spirit at all times.
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Default Jun 13, 2020 at 01:56 AM
  #38
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Today I got off the plane, and he wasn't waiting for me . . . not at the gate . . . not pulled up in the car outside . . . not in his chair in the livingroom at home. Oh my love, Oh my love, Oh my love.
You'll be alright. Much love and hugs to you.
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Default Jun 13, 2020 at 03:35 AM
  #39
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It’s ok to grieve and be human Rose. Do what you can when it comes to his apartment. Take the things you may want to keep there and then just let the landlord remove the rest. Actually that may be better for you to do. If the landlord is being cold and pushy then get what you want and walk away.
I am sorry that your landlord is so heartless. You would think that given what just transpired, you might be given an extra day or two. I like Open Eyes advice about cleaning up. Do what you can and then just walk away.

I promised it would get better but it does take time. You have not had that much time to grieve. Just take it one day at a time.
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Default Jun 13, 2020 at 09:02 AM
  #40
We worked out that I have until the end of June.

I woke up this morning a bit comforted. His
presence is still all over this apartment I can hear the soft sounds he would make, the little things he would murmer in the quiet of the morning, "How about a cup of coffee?"

His family kept saying how much I did for him . . . how I took care of him . . . No one knows how much I was in love with him . . . how much we were still in love. Only he and I knew all of that.
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