I'm alone since my boyfriend died yesterday and getting in bad shape. Please help me

Ditto.

Thanks all of you for the warm encouragement. I continue feeling pretty well.

Today I had my telephone interview wiith a provider at that out-patient clinic. He wants my sleep better regulated and has ordered Seroquel to take in the evening. I'll start that tomorrow night.

Sleepy now. Going to bed.

seroquel's fairly effective. i hope it helps

I read that it can cause weight gain, which I don't need.

I also have Vistaril. Last night 100 mg of that seemed to help. I fell asleep about 1 a.m. Woke up at 4:30 a.m. and could not go back to sleep. But I feel rested, and I'm sorting through bags and boxes. I thing it'll take 2 months to sort stuff ou.

i'm glad you're keeping busy. seroquel can cause weight gain, i advise keeping your diet minimal with sugar and junk. walking regularly or going on runs may also help.

i hope you sleep better tonight. if your sleep stays like this, though, i think you should contact your doctor about it.

The CNP at the outpatient clinic I'll be using is focusing on my sleep pattern as a place to start in me feeling better.

I just had a bad spell of grief. Looking at his weekly pill minder boxes that I used to fill up a few weeks at a time. He got a lot of meds. For years I have been filling up those boxes. Since, like, 2011. So long ago, I forget when I started. I won't be filling them anymore. And I'm crying over this.

I've been spending time with other people because being isolated seemed to drive the depression I recently experienced. This involvement is mostly me meeting other people's needs. I'm sick of being used. They don't even ask me how I'm coping with my loss. 3 different "friends" today turned to me for consolation. They all want me to be their private duty nurse or personal counselor. All of them - utterly self-preoccupied. I'm tired of giving so much to get back so little.

I am remembering the sweet little hugs he started giving me in recent months. When I would pass his chair, he would reach up for me. It was very cute . . . the little embrace and a little kiss. It seems like that was a million years ago.

I must stop these people who want to drain me.

What do you want from others that will help you Rose?

Rose, I'm very late to this thread but am very very sorry to hear about your boyfriend's passing. I've never been very interactive on here but have known you to post about him a lot. Glad that your posts say you feel a bit better now. You don't owe people around you constant support when you are dealing with a heavy loss yourself.
Re seroquel, I went on it earlier this year and was terrified of weight gain but so far it's fine.

Absolutely, Open Eyes. For a change, right?

Rose, from knowing you fairly well I think, I know how giving you are. How much you care and I think people see that in you and yes, maybe not willingly or knowingly, take advantage of your knowledge and how well you listen.

You are right to not let them drain you in a time of need. It's unbelievable that at a time where you have a huge loss they aren't considerate or asking how YOU really are.

I can't compare, in the least, but I just experienced this with the one friend I've kept in life, today. I'm trying to get some support, and I hear on and on about people in her life that have nothing to do with me,, nor do I know them or care to know. I care about my friend, I'd love to have a talk about the both of us, but all I got was, as she drove away,
"chin up, keep your chin up".....after an hour of shopping for another gf that she has. I'm grateful to have anyone at this point, but it seems people that truly want to know how you are, and care, are few and far between.

I'm very sorry for your loss, I've been following your posts just keeping you in my heart, hoping that things will get better. I believe it will, you just need time to get some strength again and grieve. Much love to you hope you soon get some good sleeps.

I observe the same.

Strength and...effective friends to you, Rose76.

Thank you all for your posts. What helped me when I was in the psych unit was interacting with staff and peers. They were all nice to me and took an interest in my attempt to cope with grief that seemed beyond what I could endure. They did all tell me their own troubles and appreciated what I offered as feedback.

I was glad to be reconnecting with people I've associated with IRL. I'm trying to come up with an answer to Open Eyes' question - "What do I want from others?" I want friendships that have at least some reciprocity. Like: Yesterday I picked up an old friend to take her shopping with me. Her car got totaled in an accident and she can't afford to buy another car right now. We only recently connected after having drifted apart for years. It seems that she hunted for my phone number because she's trying to connect with people who will drive her places. She's a good-hearted soul. We worked together on a home care case where I saw how kind she was toward the patient we were caring for. Her big fault is that she's a compulsive talker who hogs the conversation and you can't get a word in edgewise. That gets tiring. She seems lonely. I think it's because she drives people away as they get tired of listening to her. Her 3 adult children don't have much to do with her. She is religious and likes to preach at people a lot. It gets old. However, if I were really sick, she's the type who I bet would offer to come over and cook for me and care for me in any way I needed. She has a kind heart. She's worked as a home attendant and I know how generous she has been to her patients by going above and beyond.

I am meandering here all over the place. I would like friendships where I get listened to . . . rather than me doing all the listening.

It could be that this one friend has constantly been the giver perhaps even with her own children and it drains her to the point that when she is with someone who can listen she tends to overwhelm them.

I think what would help you is find something you can get involved with where you are learning and are around others that are also learning and engaging.

My aunt was a nurse for years and after she retired she took up toll painting and crafts and she loved it. In fact she painted a little bench with tall ships for my father and it’s one thing I asked for because I respected how much time and thought she put into doing it. She also got to socialize and make friends doing that.

I have another friend that took up ball room dancing. She is older and single and she absolutely loved it. That was changed by COVID and mandated social distancing. Yet I am mentioning it because I saw a huge change in her once she decided to get active. And she had done caregiving for both her parents until they passed.

A friend of my parents after her husband passed took college courses and then took acting classes and discovered she loved acting. She even talked about getting parts in plays.

You have a car and you are mobile so you can get involved. You did not have that kind of freedom for a long time. You are so smart too so much you can engage in and learn yet that gets you out and with people and active.

Also you have your own love story why not wright about it. You have excellent writing and language skills.

Thanks for the encouragement Open Eyes. Much of what you've suggested has been on my mind.

My immediate task is to turn my apartment from a warehouse back into a home. I'm getting there, though slowly. I hired some help to do some heavy cleaning. They transformed my bathroom, so now it's my favorite room in the house.

I'm learning to block people from making excessive demands on my attention, but retain them as friends. Some phone calls I just don't answer. Then I return the call when I feel up to having a conversation. Also I'm learning that I don't have to respond to excessive neediness. I terminate phone calls now when the conversation starts to go round in circles. Maybe I'm not one who should talk, but some folk dwell overly on what is lacking in their lives. I can take listening to only so much whining.

That's REALLY good Rose, very impressive. You are working on taking your life back and limiting the things that tend to get you down.

Do you have some kind of local paper that shows you the different things going on around you? One of the things I enjoyed going to that I still remember was when I went to listen to the author that wrote the book I bought for my father about Okinawa. He was such an interesting man and he shared how he picks something to write about and how he learned to get people to talk to him. He spent time interviewing both sides in that war/battle. It was the last book my father read and he said of all the books he ever read it was the best written. This author's name is George Feifer and was well known for how well he wrote. Perhaps you might look into this author and read some of his books. The book I am talking about is called The Battle of Okinawa: The Blood and Bomb. He just passed away at 85 November of last year. I was glad to have experienced listening to him talk.

One of the things I appreciated about you is your language and writing. I think you would enjoy something in that area and meeting others that enjoy that intellectual exchange involvement as well.

Thank you, OE. For the first time in my life, my time is my own to do whatever I like. I am enjoying the freedom. I started going to a gym with my neighbor. I have no shortage of interests. Another friend and I plan to take a ceramics class together, when that becomes possible. I do want to find something like a book club also. It is my intention to volunteer to help my political party in the next election. Right now I'm still hard at work on my apartment. It is coming along.

I love dogs and think about getting one. But I want to be less emotional when I make that kind of a commitment. I take pet ownership very seriously.

I have little weepy spells, but they are what I would call normal grieving. I'm over that horrible thing I went through where I would sob almost hysterically at times. Going into the gero-psych ward was actually a very positive experience. I stayed there 8 nights. I went there feeling my life had no value to me. I left there a changed person, interested in seeing what life may yet hold for me. What helped me there was how nice the staff and my peers were to me.

I am surprised at the support that has come my way - @ the hospital, from family, neighbors and friends . . . and here at PC. I had thought that my S.O. was the only person who could or would ever care for me. Then for years I was socially isolated because of my caregiving responsibilities. I am now discovering that there is more warmth in the humanity all around me than I expected. People in general are more understanding than I gave people credit for. Also, experience has made me more understanding of others.

May I say I am so proud of you, Rose? You are doing absolutely awesome. Love and support your way!!

I am very impressed with you Rose. You are doing very well, as well as it’s humanely possible when dealing with grief. It’s good that you are staying busy and I think when your apartment looks nice and cozy you’d feel better overall.

Good idea about the book club by the way, look up in a local library and on meetup.com or see the local chapter of worldwide book club: girly book club. The Girly Book Club | A global book club for women all over the world.

Oh yeah people (of course some, not all) just love to talk about themselves even when it’s disguised by supposedly providing support or giving suggestions about your situation, but more often than not they are still just want to talk on and on about themselves! Some people just can’t help it. Wise to stay away from them when possible.

Most people are very supportive and friendly and it’s excellent that you are reaching out in a meaningful way

Hugs

Maybe coming back to this older thread is not the best way for me to post, but here I am. After doing very well for a few weeks, I have gone down again in the past 2 days. I'm getting hopeless. The past 24 hrs have been awful. I've been calling that crisis hot line twice today. I have no self-harm tendencies . . . just a lot of pain in my mind . . . and I want to escape it.

The counselor on the crisis line advised me to get enough sleep and eat well and stick to a routine. That's sensible advice. Right now, it's completely meaningless to me. I just want to stop this misery.

I have a drawer full of meds, prescribed by 3 different healthcare systems over the past 2 months. I am surprised the pharmacy would fill all these orders. I look at all these psychotropics. I think what one might stop this misery in my head. I try one. 12 hrs later, I try another one. I need help.