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Veteran Member
Member Since Apr 2012
Posts: 617
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Jun 02, 2020 at 10:08 PM
#1
I haven't just removed the rose coloured glasses that I once wore as a happy, outgoing person I seem to have thrown them on the floor and run them over with a convoy of trucks.
I have realised that the only people in my life that will ever really love me are my parents. I haven't been able to have children and my siblings and I have never had a close relationship. With age I have realised that my friends that I have stood by etc wouldn't do the same for me, apart from my current partner every Man in my life has only ever been interested in me for sex. And the Man I share my life with now regularly tells me he hates me, tells me it's his house and has and will kick me out bare foot and in only a night shirt but I should be thankful so far he has then thrown car keys out after me so I'm not on the streets. I became disabled after an industrial injury so being honest with myself....... my future isn't a pretty picture so how do I keep dragging myself out of bed and fight the dark depression ??????????? __________________ 
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 3rd rock, Anonymous41462, beauflow, bpcyclist, mote.of.soul, Open Eyes
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Mad Walker
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,089
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Jun 03, 2020 at 01:10 PM
#2
Gosh, I am sorry you've been through and are still going through all those things BDPpartner. It's awful.
 There are a lot of ways a person can address their depression and this site has quite a number of suggestions. But the first thing I feel you should look at is the fact that you live with someone who is verbally abusive towards you, tells you he hates you. I know relationships can have their ups and downs but having someone telling you regularly that they hate you will not make you happy. It's a terrible weight, a dark shadow always there when you're in your own home. What you need is support not abuse. If it was me I know what I would do, but I'm not you and I don't know your full circumstances. Perhaps talking with your doctor as well, will give you a direction in terms of dealing with your depression. And your parents too, they sound like very caring people. Stay strong and hopeful and don't give up, please. Things can always change for the better, BDPpartner. 
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| Anonymous41462, bpcyclist
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BDPpartner, bpcyclist
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Veteran Member
Member Since Apr 2012
Posts: 617
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Jun 13, 2020 at 07:22 PM
#3
Unfortunately my partner has borderline personality disorder which is a lot of why life is so awful most of the time. But I have just been diagnosed as having hypothyroidism which without realizing has been having a huge impact on my mental and physical health. I've been start on meds and in time I will hopefully get my strength back.
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| Anonymous41462, bpcyclist
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bpcyclist
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
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Jun 14, 2020 at 12:59 AM
#4
I was with someone with bpd for fifteen years. She is the mother of my daughter. It is basically impossible to communicate with her. I am so sorry this partner is being cruel to you. Do you have any place you could go to get away from this abuse?
Just in my own experience, these people do not ever really change, unless they get into serious treament and want to get better and have a better, less painfiul life. Mine has always refused. She would rather live in her dissociated, unreal, nonfactual universe and pretend like everything is perfect, because it is familiar to her. Sending you strength and hugs. __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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BDPpartner, Open Eyes
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Veteran Member
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Posts: 617
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Jun 16, 2020 at 01:24 PM
#5
I'm still with my partner because he does accept he has a problem, he wants to change and actively seeks help, he also encouraged me to seek support and join a carers group
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| Anonymous41462, bpcyclist
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bpcyclist
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Legendary
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Location: Portland
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Jun 16, 2020 at 05:55 PM
#6
Quote:
And, all these people here on PC? We will all love you, just the way you are. __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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BDPpartner
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Veteran Member
Member Since Apr 2012
Posts: 617
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Jun 17, 2020 at 09:07 PM
#7
Sometimes it's hard to feel loved when your struggling against illness and depression. Then add in to the equation that life with my partner is like living with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde but if I can get myself well maybe I'll cope better and not be so cynical of other peoples feelings and actions towards me.
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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