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SignOfHope
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Default Jun 20, 2020 at 02:31 AM
  #1
I can't do this anymore. I just can't. Beginning of 2020 I witnessed a friend drown, then all my friends left me, then corona, and when I finally had the tiny hope of getting married and having a dream life with the person I love, when I finally had a glimmer of hope, our area went into lockdown and my wedding has been post-poned. I don't understand why I'm alive. I'm better off dead, I really just want to die.
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Default Jun 20, 2020 at 05:07 AM
  #2
Do play your guitar, send a letter to your future spouse, know there is nothing certain but change and that you are in the company of many throughout the world at this time. You can do this.

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Default Jun 20, 2020 at 06:33 PM
  #3
Your username includes the word hope.You need to find some hope, somehow. Postponing the wedding is not the end. Everything in this entire world has been postponed at the moment, right? This is not really about you, it is about the pandemic and people trying to contain the virus. Maybe try to remember that.

What are your hobbies? What do you like to do for fun?

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Default Jun 21, 2020 at 12:15 PM
  #4
Its been a hard 6 months for me too! Life has been challenging, but these things are temporary. I say that to remind you that things will improve, they have too! I say it also to remind myself. I too have been struggling with wanting to run away, and not be found. That way I hide from my struggles, but I am also hiding from the bright side of life. It seems like it's the end of the world now, but is it?? Take the time to focus on self-care, ya I know, your probably growling at me and that's okay. I hate it too. BUt I do know the value of focusing on the physical when the mental seems like B.S.

it seems like my life ended when I took a leave of absence from grad school. I felt like I gave up, but I"m realizing that isn't the truth. I can't do what I want, until I heal myself. I want to do better, to heal but that seems so HARD!

Questions to ask yourself.
Why does this seem like the end?
Where is the beginning?
What can I do to care for myself and for my fiancee?
What can I do for another?

You don't have to answer to the group, or to me, but think about it. What would make life better? I'm asking myself that same question! You are NOT alone!
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SignOfHope
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Default Jun 27, 2020 at 04:41 AM
  #5
Update:

Today would have been my wedding day, but that's the least of my troubles..
A batch mate passed away from cancer. That's two deaths of my colleagues in 6 months. It just makes me sad how everyday we get bad news, about the virus, people dying, etc. I tried to make amends with some past friends (I've been trying for months) because I keep thinking how life is short but they don't respond. I read a passage from my diary in March, one of the very painful months of my life. That diary ended with me worrying about my friend's mother, who passed away this week. I cried through the night. I feel really low..
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Default Jun 27, 2020 at 04:48 AM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by puzzclar View Post
Its been a hard 6 months for me too! Life has been challenging, but these things are temporary. I say that to remind you that things will improve, they have too! I say it also to remind myself. I too have been struggling with wanting to run away, and not be found. That way I hide from my struggles, but I am also hiding from the bright side of life. It seems like it's the end of the world now, but is it?? Take the time to focus on self-care, ya I know, your probably growling at me and that's okay. I hate it too. BUt I do know the value of focusing on the physical when the mental seems like B.S.

it seems like my life ended when I took a leave of absence from grad school. I felt like I gave up, but I"m realizing that isn't the truth. I can't do what I want, until I heal myself. I want to do better, to heal but that seems so HARD!

Questions to ask yourself.
Why does this seem like the end?
Where is the beginning?
What can I do to care for myself and for my fiancee?
What can I do for another?

You don't have to answer to the group, or to me, but think about it. What would make life better? I'm asking myself that same question! You are NOT alone!
It feels like the end because the wedding was the only glimmer of hope for me. Ever since the beginning of lockdown days have been passing by painfully slow. Every morning bought bad news with it, and now that glimmer of hope is just.. not there anymore..
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Default Jun 27, 2020 at 06:52 AM
  #7
It is not a good sign that "the wedding was the only glimmer of hope for me"
A wedding hopefully is the outcome of a good relationship but the wedding is just one day in your life...I would reconsider the marriage if this is how you feel.

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SignOfHope
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Default Jun 27, 2020 at 11:22 AM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by winter4me View Post
It is not a good sign that "the wedding was the only glimmer of hope for me"
A wedding hopefully is the outcome of a good relationship but the wedding is just one day in your life...I would reconsider the marriage if this is how you feel.
I haven't even spoken of half of what I've been through. Please be a little more sensitive. Thank you.
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Default Jul 04, 2020 at 08:54 AM
  #9
No intention to offend.

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