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Old 06-29-2020, 02:00 AM   #1
ROSEWATER
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Default want to die.

I have CPSTD, as well as bipolar depression. I the depression is so bad right now.. I am not sure I will make it till morning. Last week my housekeeper's mother died in our house. She died in the arms of her daughter. Her daughter is beside herself and I just feel I am coming to an end of me

I wuld like help, I would give anything for it, but there is none where I am, iHondoras and I will not go back to the US I left there because I was homeless and living on the edge of poverty. That is no way to live. THere is very little help for psych problems such as mine herein in Hondoras. Of course, the Pandamenic is making it just that much worse. No hospitals are really open. This is a poor country. I have a syringe and am thinking of filling it with water and just injecting it into my vieins . When it hits the heart perhaps I will die. It is so odd to write tis and know that no one cares or will check up or try to help. I tryly am alone.

I am very alonge although I have a family, but I feel no real love except for my money. Where do I find help when there is none? Calllig the suicide hotlines are a waste of time, they are all in the US. There is a hotline here, but it is all in Spanish. I don't speak enough Spanish to be able to explain anything.

It's funny. It is all up to me.. I can kill myself within the next hour. My ex, with whom I live won't care. He'll get my social sec. disablity benefits, that's all hecares about.

Well so much for this. I am Lysis, I have a book coming out. It will never happen.
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Old 06-29-2020, 02:16 AM   #2
TerryL
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dear rosewater, i am so sorry you are in such despair. it must be awful to feel so alone and unloved. i have felt that way myself as have many on this forum. it's too bad there is not more mental health help in honduras. do you have medication for your bipolar condition?
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Old 06-29-2020, 02:38 AM   #3
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I am so sorry for your pain, Rosewater. I also have bp depression pretty badass at times. Multiple S attemtps in the past, all failed, fortuntely. I do not do that anymore, because it is not a solution to the problem. I really think you should try to spend some time here on this forum and interact with people who suffer from the same issues. You will find support here. People will love you. I don't know you, but I alreaady love you. Truly, I do. Please do not take a permanent step to a temporary problem.

There is a way to ship good antidpressants into Honduras. You could probably even get ketamine, if we just worked at it a bit. So, do not give up. ECt works great for some folks. Great. Hang in there. People here will love you. Love and hugs!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 06-29-2020, 03:45 AM   #4
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have you tried this site?

Honduras Suicide Prevention Resources | 7 Cups Wiki

this is the link to the united states national suicide hotline. could you check with the telephone operator to see if you can call it from honduras?

Lifeline

Last edited by TerryL; 06-29-2020 at 04:31 AM..
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Old 06-29-2020, 01:11 PM   #5
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Dear Rosewater,

I am so sorry for your pain. Please pay close attention to all the caring and suggestions above and take them, especially about talking to someone on an emergency basis before you harm yourself.

From what you said I am wondering if your housekeeper's mother died of Covid-19 and if you have all been exposed. This virus seemingly has turned our whole world upside down.

Thinking of you, with many virtual hugs.....
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Old 06-29-2020, 04:37 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ROSEWATER View Post
I have CPSTD, as well as bipolar depression. I the depression is so bad right now.. I am not sure I will make it till morning. Last week my housekeeper's mother died in our house. She died in the arms of her daughter. Her daughter is beside herself and I just feel I am coming to an end of me

I wuld like help, I would give anything for it, but there is none where I am, iHondoras and I will not go back to the US I left there because I was homeless and living on the edge of poverty. That is no way to live. THere is very little help for psych problems such as mine herein in Hondoras. Of course, the Pandamenic is making it just that much worse. No hospitals are really open. This is a poor country. I have a syringe and am thinking of filling it with water and just injecting it into my vieins . When it hits the heart perhaps I will die. It is so odd to write tis and know that no one cares or will check up or try to help. I tryly am alone.

I am very alonge although I have a family, but I feel no real love except for my money. Where do I find help when there is none? Calllig the suicide hotlines are a waste of time, they are all in the US. There is a hotline here, but it is all in Spanish. I don't speak enough Spanish to be able to explain anything.

It's funny. It is all up to me.. I can kill myself within the next hour. My ex, with whom I live won't care. He'll get my social sec. disablity benefits, that's all hecares about.

Well so much for this. I am Lysis, I have a book coming out. It will never happen.

Have you checked out Lisa A Romano who.talk about many things from alcoholic to codependency to depression and why you should live? Have you checked out Teal Swans? Both are survivor of suicide. It will affect those who you leave behind. I lost my brother in law to suicide and there isn't a day that goes by in the past ten years that I wish I had known he was that depressed. Check out motivation quotes for depression, reason to live when feeling suicide. Is there a crisis number that you can call.or text? If you committed suicide unless he drawing social.security off you be can't have your disability.
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