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Old 06-30-2020, 12:40 PM   #1
hunterfan
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Default Depression 2nd time in less 2 years

Alright I will try to summarize everything.

Back in 2018 I had a medical scare that sent me to the E.R. was put blood pressure medication. After the medical bills came my parents and I know we couldn't pay for this. We went to the county social services. Applied for health insurance and for SNAP. And since I have learning disability I applied for Social security disability. During that waiting process that I developed anxiety and depression. I started visits with our pastor. He is my rock. I would never gotten through that without him. Later on social security didn't find me to be disabled. I did start on a antidepressant medication.

Beginning of 2019. We found a house to buy ( had lived on a farm). In late February of 2019 my dad had a medical scare. Was in hospital day and half. By mid April my dad needed heart surgery. Two weeks later we moved into our new house. Dad had to take it easy but thankful for the family members and neighbors that helped us.

Alright I will skip ahead to 2020. In late February my mom got shingles and that was not easy on me. Then I started to bleed thinking I was going into premenopause. After two weeks I got worried. Made an appointment with my doctor. They took some blood. Results showed I'm not in that stage yet. But they gave me 10 days of pills to get me back on track with my cycle. After month and half did stop bleeding. Never did figure out why I bled.

Then this virus hit. Our state is not so bad like other states. I miss hanging out with a friend. Miss going to church. We don't wear masks. Pastor wants us to wear masks if we plan to sing. I miss helping out at church office with newsletters but I was able to do it last week.

I need to get out of the house every couple days or I go crazy. Yes I have hobbies and try to stay busy or I will cry.

I have been struggling emotionally since feb. At this point I don't want to go back on medication because it doesn't help me. Going to therapy will not work. In our town there is none. But at the clinic they do have someone you can talk to therapist through a computer but I don't think that will do me any good. And this virus I would rather not go out of town either since the bigger cities south and North us are much worse. Could still do visits with Pastor but right now he's isolating himself since he was in contact with a person and there family member tested positive so I have to wait til he's safe.

We are getting new siding on the house and a walk in shower a program my parents qualified for. We are top of the list but crew is waiting until they get all the supplies in before they start. My parents are also waiting on a big check of money (land business between my dad and his nephew). Our farmstead is empty still owned by my dad and his nephew so we do go out there often to clean and stuff.

Alright there is my story.
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Old 06-30-2020, 06:23 PM   #2
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Default Re: Depression 2nd time in less 2 years

Really sorry you are struggling, hunter. It has been a tough couple of years for you guys. I hope it smoothens out now.

Given that you really get a lot out of talking wirh your pastor, I am surprised to hear you say therapy of some sort that you could actually pull off, given where you are located and stuff, is not going to do you any good. I actually disagree with that position, given what you have shared so far. Just my take. Might want to reexamine that one. You are benefiting from what is essentially talk therapy with that pastor.

What anitdepressants have you tried, for how long each? I doubt you have exhuasted the possibilities. I have been on many. Many. Only three have ever worked for me, so, it can take awhile to find the right one. All our brains are different. Some people do great on Zoloft, some think it's trash. Some folks need a totally different approach, like Cymbalta or Wellbutrin, say. Now, there is Ketamine, which works for many people who have been treatment-resistant. So, I would say you are likely throwing the towel in too soon, or so it sounds.

Sending you strength and support!!!!!! Hang in there. There is treatment for depression. You just need to find what works with your particular brain. Don't give up.
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Old 07-01-2020, 11:29 AM   #3
hunterfan
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Default Re: Depression 2nd time in less 2 years

Went on Citalopram (celex) in December 2018. Weaned myself off of it in April 2020. I stopped because I was afraid it was making me bleed.
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Old 07-01-2020, 01:37 PM   #4
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Default Re: Depression 2nd time in less 2 years

Oh, hunter, there are so, so many other options for you. I really wish you would reconsider your position on this.
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Old 07-03-2020, 09:06 AM   #5
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Default Re: Depression 2nd time in less 2 years

Today I'm feeling I don't care about anything. I think I have been crying for a week now.
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Old 07-03-2020, 11:21 AM   #6
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I am so sorry. There very likely is help availablle to you, if you could find the energy to seek it out. Hope you feel better soon!!
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