Isolation and Boredom

I just moved to a new place in a new town (village, really), about 1 hour and 45 minutes away from my old city. I just got hired to teach here about a month and a half ago and I'm waiting for the new school year and for my certification to be made official (most likely next week). Right now, I'm just home alone day in and day out. It's been like that since schools shut down in the city, but at least here the scenery and the place I live are much better. I'm just so bored and starved for in-person interaction. I met up with friends last week when I was in the city for other business and I video conference with a friend once a week, but it's just not enough. I've participated in video conferences with LGBTQ groups in the city sometimes, but it's difficult to fully be myself (personality-wise) as I don't know them as well yet so the experiences sometimes feel kind of empty?

The point is, I've been isolated too much in recent months due to COVID and job-related circumstances and it's been difficult to keep my head above water consistently when it comes to depression. I'm also so bored...nothing really interests me enough, at least not for long enough. I've spent a lot of time getting things together/reading/etc. for the new school year, but after a while, it just makes me anxious too because there's so much to remember and so much to account for and voices of people who said I would fail are echoing in my head.

How do I survive yet another month or so of nearly endless solitude? How do I readjust to being socially capable again? How do I get enough intellectual stimulation to ignore gender dysphoria, boredom, and any other feelings I may have? I feel bad that I feel envious of others I see (on Facebook or wherever I actually see people anymore) that have significant others or families to be around on a regular basis. It also makes me realize again why I wasn't good enough to be loved (at least in a romantic way) and how much I desperately wish I could just be normal or at least good enough so I didn't have to live in solitude. It'll be like this on future school breaks as well.

Many, many people deal w isolation right now. Honestly, this may be a tough time to bust out of that w the virus.

Hobbies? Meetups? DBSA or NAMI groups?

You are perfectly good enough right at this moment, exactly the way you are. Do you not know this solid fact?

Hugs and support!!

Other than the occasional zoom meeting, there really isn’t much going on. I also just moved from the city out to the country almost two hours away. I probably won’t be able to meet very many people around here until the school year starts, if even then since there aren’t many people around here. I’m afraid of how I would be thought of by religious people so I’m uncomfortable going to a church (I also have different beliefs and it doesn’t seem right to just go for socializing). Any sort of NAMI group or LGBTQ group that isn’t online is going to be 1 ½ to 2 hours away which may be possible now but I don’t see it being possible during the school year.

I didn’t really have any other choices professionally, at least if I wanted any kind of health insurance or wage consistency. No one wanted me in the city. Neither large city district I applied for in fact.

The main thing is this just makes me more afraid that I’ll become more isolated as I get older...I failed to find a partner so I’ll be completely alone after my family is gone, especially on holidays. I believe my birthday lies on the first day of classes in this district this year so while I won’t spend the day alone, it’ll be ignored and I’ll go home alone as usual and not do anything out of the ordinary I guess...I’ll probably be too stressed out about my job.

Well, I have work now to keep me occupied during the day and chores and more work to keep me occupied over the weekend, but I'm still having a hard time figuring out what to do in my spare time. Nothing really keeps my interest. I'm also still isolated away from work.

I was wondering if you have a therapist? I didn't see any mention of that in your posts, but please forgive me if I may have missed that. Many therapists are doing phone and video sessions in lieu of in person appointments right now. You may get lucky and find one that is currently seeing patients in person. But a therapist might be able to assist in helping you deal with stress from your job as well as dealing with isolation away from work. Good luck!