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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 10:22 AM
  #1
Well, I saw I last posted on here on 3.9.20. That was before all this started. I haven't seen my grandchildren since 3.15.20. We've zoomed twice. I am a nurse so considered essential. I am in QA and we've been assigned screening duties along with EH and IC. Since 3/25/20 that's been my partial job while I keep up with my regular job.

I am so sad and depressed about the whole thing. Yet, when I least expect it that cold, anxious feeling comes in my chest letting me know panic is coming. Twice in the last month I've woken up in the middle of a panic attack. THAT hasn't happened since my first panic attack in 2007.

I don't know what to do. I listen to meditation right before sleep every night. I pray. I try to have quiet time, but my husband is retired so when I'm at home, he and the dog are there. Can't go very much out in public. We used to go out and eat at least twice weekly. Not since March.

I just had vacation last week and yesterday was so sad and everything about coming back to work today.

I take Lexapro 20 daily, 1 mg. Ativan generic twice daily. I'm also 59 and post menopausal. My hormones are $100.00/month so I'm trying to stretch them out by using some Amazon stuff. My sadness and all started before this so I can't blame the bio-identical cream I supplement with. It actually is having some good benefits. I did my research.

My doctor of 32 years retired in December and his nephew my new doctor seems okay but hurried.

I just had to talk to someone. If no one reads this, that's okay. I put it down on Paper, so to speak, so maybe it'll help.

If you do read it and have any suggestions, I am open to anything. I know I need to go talk to my doc. He has no clue this is happening. The last thing I saw him for was a Grade 3 sprained ankle the first of June. Kinda hard to make the transition from Yeah, I fell to I feel like crying all the time.

Thanks for your time. I know we're all in the same boat. Just hoping it doesn't go over the falls.
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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 10:49 AM
  #2
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Originally Posted by yakmom View Post
Well, I saw I last posted on here on 3.9.20. That was before all this started. I haven't seen my grandchildren since 3.15.20. We've zoomed twice. I am a nurse so considered essential. I am in QA and we've been assigned screening duties along with EH and IC. Since 3/25/20 that's been my partial job while I keep up with my regular job.

I am so sad and depressed about the whole thing. Yet, when I least expect it that cold, anxious feeling comes in my chest letting me know panic is coming. Twice in the last month I've woken up in the middle of a panic attack. THAT hasn't happened since my first panic attack in 2007.

I don't know what to do. I listen to meditation right before sleep every night. I pray. I try to have quiet time, but my husband is retired so when I'm at home, he and the dog are there. Can't go very much out in public. We used to go out and eat at least twice weekly. Not since March.

I just had vacation last week and yesterday was so sad and everything about coming back to work today.

I take Lexapro 20 daily, 1 mg. Ativan generic twice daily. I'm also 59 and post menopausal. My hormones are $100.00/month so I'm trying to stretch them out by using some Amazon stuff. My sadness and all started before this so I can't blame the bio-identical cream I supplement with. It actually is having some good benefits. I did my research.

My doctor of 32 years retired in December and his nephew my new doctor seems okay but hurried.

I just had to talk to someone. If no one reads this, that's okay. I put it down on Paper, so to speak, so maybe it'll help.

If you do read it and have any suggestions, I am open to anything. I know I need to go talk to my doc. He has no clue this is happening. The last thing I saw him for was a Grade 3 sprained ankle the first of June. Kinda hard to make the transition from Yeah, I fell to I feel like crying all the time.

Thanks for your time. I know we're all in the same boat. Just hoping it doesn't go over the falls.
Hey, yakmom. Definiely contact that doc about how you are feeling. What about getting a psychiatrist and a therapist? Both could really, really help you out. You may benefit from a med change or addition or something and having someone super familiar with all those meds can really be handy. I'd highly advise it.

I am a retired MD. You are working in a high-risk, extremely high-stress job right now. Anxiety is an appropriate reaction. full-on panic must be treated. If your current benzos are not cutting it, maybe look at Klonopin or something--it has done well for me with panic in the past.

Generally speaking, anxiety plus depression in a setting of a stressful life scenario requires action or actins to move the ball forward. Please reaach out and get some assistance.

Hugs and support!!!!!!!!!!

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When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield
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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 01:35 PM
  #3
Continue prayer, continue guided meditation, engage with gratitude (list three things grateful for every morning), cut down or cut out caffeine, more exercise (walking early morning or evening when day is cool), journal or day log recording even the smallest positives, review of medication, reflection on how your situation is better than most (still working, have partner, pet, medical network) - prepare for new future, perhaps a new hobby you can share with grands?, and finally...distraction. I listen to news radio to keep in touch with the "bigger picture" and feel more connected globally, I have favorite YouTubers I follow, am reading more books, and I come here to Psych Central and post up a storm. I have had two major meltdowns since the beginning of Covid19. My doctor wants me to work on anxiety issues without medication. Good Luck.

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 03:03 PM
  #4
First, thank you for everything you do helping others. My sister (who passed away in Jan - almost mercifully) was a nurse. I know how much of her heart and soul she gave to her charges every min of the day. You make a difference in our world.


My thought is that many of our "daily heroes" have been fighting to emotionally and mentally "hold it together" so they can continue to give the care and support that they know others need right now.

The problem is that your world is NOT the world it was before COVID-19. This is such a horrid and sad situation. Even people who are not infected are directly impacted. For example, my father has been in hospital for a week now due to diabetic issues. He was crying yesterday because my mother can't go to him. He does not have COVID and neither does she. But the nurses have been so kind to try to keep the phone calls available when they can. But I know it must break their hearts as much as it does mine when they hear a grown man crying for his wife of 50 yrs.

I would like hospitals to start giving off an extra 3 days (MIN!) a month for grief processing. Those days could be used at any time in that month when the person feels they need to process what they are experiencing. It is soul wrenching. You are a human. You need to have that personal time and space to spend with yourself and process these emotions in your way. This is NOT a vacation or a day "off" by any stretch of the imagination. It is what needs to happen so people in your position can continue to do what they are doing.

I encourage you to maybe ask for an hour while at work to just go into a closed room and allow yourself to cry. You need to feel these emotions. There is nothing wrong with you feeling grief in this situation. In fact, a person would be very unhealthy if they had no emotional response in this crisis. Feel what you feel in an honest way. Your passion is what makes you such a phenomenal human.

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Default Jul 07, 2020 at 09:47 AM
  #5
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Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
Hey, yakmom. Definiely contact that doc about how you are feeling. What about getting a psychiatrist and a therapist? Both could really, really help you out. You may benefit from a med change or addition or something and having someone super familiar with all those meds can really be handy. I'd highly advise it.

I am a retired MD. You are working in a high-risk, extremely high-stress job right now. Anxiety is an appropriate reaction. full-on panic must be treated. If your current benzos are not cutting it, maybe look at Klonopin or something--it has done well for me with panic in the past.

Generally speaking, anxiety plus depression in a setting of a stressful life scenario requires action or actins to move the ball forward. Please reaach out and get some assistance.

Hugs and support!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you so much for your sage words. I know I have to do something and quickly. Haven't been in this place in a long time. Thank you again.
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Default Jul 07, 2020 at 09:49 AM
  #6
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Originally Posted by DechanDawa View Post
Continue prayer, continue guided meditation, engage with gratitude (list three things grateful for every morning), cut down or cut out caffeine, more exercise (walking early morning or evening when day is cool), journal or day log recording even the smallest positives, review of medication, reflection on how your situation is better than most (still working, have partner, pet, medical network) - prepare for new future, perhaps a new hobby you can share with grands?, and finally...distraction. I listen to news radio to keep in touch with the "bigger picture" and feel more connected globally, I have favorite YouTubers I follow, am reading more books, and I come here to Psych Central and post up a storm. I have had two major meltdowns since the beginning of Covid19. My doctor wants me to work on anxiety issues without medication. Good Luck.
Thank You for your kind words. I just want something close to normal. I do journal, I do read a lot more now than previously. I am going to check in with my doc soon.
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Default Jul 07, 2020 at 09:54 AM
  #7
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Originally Posted by WePow View Post
First, thank you for everything you do helping others. My sister (who passed away in Jan - almost mercifully) was a nurse. I know how much of her heart and soul she gave to her charges every min of the day. You make a difference in our world.


My thought is that many of our "daily heroes" have been fighting to emotionally and mentally "hold it together" so they can continue to give the care and support that they know others need right now.


The problem is that your world is NOT the world it was before COVID-19. This is such a horrid and sad situation. Even people who are not infected are directly impacted. For example, my father has been in hospital for a week now due to diabetic issues. He was crying yesterday because my mother can't go to him. He does not have COVID and neither does she. But the nurses have been so kind to try to keep the phone calls available when they can. But I know it must break their hearts as much as it does mine when they hear a grown man crying for his wife of 50 yrs.

I would like hospitals to start giving off an extra 3 days (MIN!) a month for grief processing. Those days could be used at any time in that month when the person feels they need to process what they are experiencing. It is soul wrenching. You are a human. You need to have that personal time and space to spend with yourself and process these emotions in your way. This is NOT a vacation or a day "off" by any stretch of the imagination. It is what needs to happen so people in your position can continue to do what they are doing.

I encourage you to maybe ask for an hour while at work to just go into a closed room and allow yourself to cry. You need to feel these emotions. There is nothing wrong with you feeling grief in this situation. In fact, a person would be very unhealthy if they had no emotional response in this crisis. Feel what you feel in an honest way. Your passion is what makes you such a phenomenal human.

I am sure I speak for most of us. We don't feel like heroes. We are just doing what we can to help folks. I am sorry that your family is apart due to illness. I wish they would allow 1 person in with the person. Keeping them apart doesn't seem to be worth the sadness most people feel. Blessings to you and yours and Thank You for your kind words.
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Default Jul 13, 2020 at 02:49 PM
  #8
I do hope you are able to see a mental health clinician soon who might be able to help. You are in a high stress job during a time period filled with many other stressors. That you are able to maintain regular prayer and meditation is a good sign, since many who get to the same point just stop doing that kind of stuff. I don’t really need to tell someone in your profession to do what needs to be done to also take care of yourself, so that you are equipped to take care of others. So this is just a friendly reminder to take your own steps for wellness and wellbeing. Hugs and prayers and good thoughts.
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