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Gary27
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Member Since: Jul 2020
Location: Canada
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#1
Hello Everyone,
This is my first posting and in a little bit desperate. I am having random thoughts and I am not sure if I should reach out to a Psychiatrist/Psychologist or this is just my personality. So my past 5 years were with a lot of ups and downs. 2015, I saw an industry recession that impacted my decision to buy a home. 2016 was gone with a lot of office issues and periods of anxiety to save my job. Had to struggle and listen to people for that. 2017, we were expecting a baby but miscarriage happened after 13 weeks. After this, my wife became angry, agitated, and seems like she became depressed. I tried and helped along with office issues. 2018- in a desperate effort of making changes to my life, I resigned from my organization without any job and started as an independent contractor but diagnosed with Cancer and had chemo for the next 4 months. I fought and won against it and also got better job offer in Q1 2019. Getting back a new life, I was happy and excited for 3 months but then again with office politics, I am feeling that this is not a life should be. I started struggling with the purpose of life and how I should fix it. I tried to go back to my native country but couldn't secure job. I traveled to a new country as that is what I like but didn't enjoy that much. Then this year COVID came, the first month felt very good as my office stress level was down, doing exercise, cooking etc. But afterward, then again same problems started happening and with my family. I am agitated, I don't feel good about myself as my 80% of my hair are grey post-chemo (age 39) and gaining weight. I had muscle pull recently which stopped my exercise for again 2 months. As I am touching 40, I am also feeling an anxiety that I am neither successful not done anything that I wanted. I want to read books, want to write but unable to do so. I am comparing myself with other's career even though I have done fairly in comparison to others. Also, I am just getting agitated on small issues, fought with my loving wife. Suddenly, I have more expectations from my wife and myself. I am not able to take risks or decisions. The challenge is that one day I feel good about life and situation and the rational mind says this is all stupidity. The next day, I feel depressed, feel emotional, and overwhelmed. Now, I don't know if this is my personality or I am having mental health issues. I attended one Psychotherapist session post-cancer recovery and rationally I found it useless. Also, I assume myself with high IQ and help friends to address their problem so these sessions felt that someone is telling me what I know. Sorry, this is all in my mind and can't avoid it. Please help me with what should I do if someone feels in a similar way. I am not going to harm myself, as life is very precious to me. But I feel like that I am not getting what I should get and every bad thing is happening with me. Its like destiny is conspiring against me and avoiding to give me what I want and deserve! Please help and guide. |
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mote.of.soul
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Skeezyks
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bpcyclist
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#2
Gary--
You have been through so much. To me, it is not surprising that you are having these questions and worries. You sound anxious and depressed to me. If you found therapy uninspiring, maybe looking at meds makes sense. Maybe think about seeing a psychiatrist. It can really help. Having a high IQ has no relationship to emotional health, other than sometimes an inverse one. Just my experience. __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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Skeezyks
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Skeezyks
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#3
Welcome to Psych Central, Gary. The Anxiety forum, here on PC, may also be of interest to you. Here's a link:
https://psychcentralforums.com/anxie...c-and-phobias/ You mentioned you attended one psychotherapy appointment & found it it useless. I have to admit I have not been a fan of therapy myself over the years either. But one thing I know is that one session with one therapist is not sufficient to determine the usefulness or uselessness of psychotherapy. For one thing, not every therapist works well with every client. Sometimes it can take several tries to find the therapist that's right for you. Perhaps the therapist you saw just wasn't the right one for you? The other thing, though, is that therapy is a process you have to commit to. It takes time to develop a level of trust & rapport with a therapist... even if s/he is one you feel comfortable with. And then it takes time to work through what is going on with you & figure out what to do about it. I see bpcyclist has suggested the possibility of medications. And that's certainly an option too, even if it's just as a temporary measure to "get you over the hump" as the saying goes. But either way, at least to my mind, I think it might be well worth your while to take another look at therapy, see if you can find a therapist you feel comfortable with, & commit to the process. Both you & your wife have suffered some devastating losses over the past few years. (I've had cancer too.) And, at least my personal non-professional view would be you each need to recognize what you have been through & what it has done to you both individually & as a couple & then commit to doing what needs to be done to find your path forward. (Perhaps your wife would benefit from some therapy services of her own?) At least these are my thoughts with regard to your post. I hope you find PC to be of benefit. P.S. Here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, I think may be apropos: 8 Tips for Healing Emotional Wounds __________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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#4
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Gary27
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#5
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bpcyclist
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bpcyclist
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bpcyclist
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Location: Portland
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#6
Hang in there!!!
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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