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Old 07-21-2020, 06:53 AM   #1
Naynay99
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Default I am totally losing it.

Hey. Haven’t posted in a long while, figured I would give it a go and see if it helps any. I am losing my mind. I have forgotten how to sleep. Anxious and depressed and hopeless and lonely and scared and pissed off emotions exploding inside my brain.

But the insomnia is killing me. All I want is some temporary unconsciousness and oblivion. Ugh. First my sleep cycle just went upside down (awake at night, sleeping all afternoon) and now I am just not sleeping at all.

Fcking covid pandemic. I am one of the lucky ones on the high risk list. Trying to decide if I should go back into school come September. I have like one week to make a decision on what to do. My dr says no, but still hasn’t filled out the paperwork I asked for. I may have to take a leave of absence. Or maybe I should just say fck it and go back and let chance decide what happens. I don’t think I really care much either way right now...

Idk. I have never felt so alone in my life.
There is no light at the end of the tunnel. No vaccine coming anytime soon. I just don’t see how I fit in this “new normal” post-pandemic world. It’s like all of. a sudden having a medical issue has made me Expendable and obsolete. I know it is depression consuming me, but I think I may have had enough.

I’m just so tired of everything being so damn hard ALL OF THE TIME. I am not sure I want to be here anymore. Idk the point of any of this.

Anyway, this is just me making some noise to see if the universe even notices that I am still here.
Keep fighting the good fight.
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Old 07-21-2020, 07:24 AM   #2
call me eeyore
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Default Re: I am totally losing it.

hi, im new here, infact ive just joined today, and im glad i found your post. just know that this pandemic situation has had a massive toll on anyone already suffering from mental health issues. i know its very hard staying isolated, it goes against the very nature of human beings. maybe you should prioritize your problems instad of thinking about them al at once. id suggest break them down starting from your sleeping situation. look for sources, medication, or white/pink/brown noise whatever suits you to help calm your mind to help sleep come. some breathing rhythms are also known to help sleep. once you see some improvement in this, you may start breaking down other issues such as your going back to school. september is still a long way, and it may not seem like it but you have plenty of time to make the decision, just keep consulting your doctor and belive in professional advice. stay safe, keep going <3
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Old 07-21-2020, 09:13 AM   #3
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Default Re: I am totally losing it.

I get this feeling so much. Just wanted to say I hear you, and i understand. Im high risk too, but not high enough to stay home, so im just scared all the time.
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Old 07-21-2020, 06:58 PM   #4
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Default Re: I am totally losing it.

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. Do you have any medication that can help you sleep? Maybe even try nyquil for one night to help? I'm not getting sleep either and that's when we go completely haywire...
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Old 07-22-2020, 09:18 PM   #5
Naynay99
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Default Re: I am totally losing it.

So last night I went to get something under the sink and discovered the sink had been dripping into this bin I store stuff in.
Was horrible mess. But I threw everything out and bleached the floor and ended up doing the same behind the stove and rest of kitchen.
And somehow it actually made me feel a little better.
And I did Finally sleep last night, albeit not until like 4 am. Slept in and other than the plumber coming had a lazy day. Talked to some friends and made some upcoming plans which probably also helped. Idk. I feel like I keep vascillatjng from being in a good place to totally losing my shiit.

I have read articles how this covid thing is especially hard on ppl who live alone and ppl with history of mental illness, but somehow I figured that didn’t mean me. It sucks feeling so isolated. But I’m hoping it will be okay.

Anyway, idk if I’m gonna sleep tonite. I have a medical test tomorrow, which I’m nervous about both for the test itself and for having to go inside a hospital. But I am feeling a tiny bit better I think. Idk. Thanks for the advice.
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Old 08-01-2020, 10:27 AM   #6
hvert
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Default Re: I am totally losing it.

I just logged on here to basically make the same post about the pandemic. It just feels so hopeless when a vaccine and the ability to deliver it is years away. I'm really struggling to just do basic life things lately because it doesn't seem like there's any point.


I hope your test went well and was covid free. I am going to take a page from your book and clean my kitchen to see if that makes me feel any better.
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Old 08-01-2020, 11:12 AM   #7
Travelinglady
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Default Re: I am totally losing it.

Yes, the universe is still here! Do you have some friends and relatives that you can call? Get on Facebook with or some such?
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Old 08-01-2020, 11:50 AM   #8
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I Hope you're both doing OK, @Naynay99 and @hvert! This pandemic definitely SUCKS but I Hope and Pray that things will turn out REALLY Well! Keep trying your best! Please Stay Safe EveryOne! Have Faith In God! SEnding many Safe, Warm hugs to EVERYONE! SEnding many Safe, Warm Hugs to ALL of your Families and FriEnds as Well! Keep Fighting and keep rocking no matter What Happens, OK?!
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