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Member Since Jul 2020
Location: Pennsylvania
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#1
My phone ran out of battery when I was typing something like this, so there’s another one of my failures. Today I broke down crying because I could not remember the last time I felt true joy, or even if I ever felt happy at all. I think it’s fair to say I should remember at least one time I felt happy since I’m a teen in high school, but I failed to. Speaking of education, I got my score back for an ap exam. I did not study for it, so of course I got a 1. My parents yelled at me for failing the exam. Next year, I’m going to take 2 ap classes along with the highest classes I can take for my grade. I have always taken the highest classes I could, but I don’t know if I can’t handle it this year with my mental state, and I don’t want to deal with the embarrassment of taking lower classes. I have summer work for 3 classes that I have not even started yet, and I have no idea how I’m going to do all of it. Also, I’m worried about my pencil grasp going into school. The way I used to hold a pencil was very uncomfortable, painful, and i could not write as fast as I would have liked to. I tried learning the dynamic Tripod grasp on my own but I must be doing something wrong because it’s even harder, slower, and more painful for me to write. One day I had a panic attack and cried because I could not get the hang of it, and my parents screamed at me for this. Turns out the to anxiety meds I was trying caused my panic attack. Neither of my parents apologized to me for screaming at me. No one at school has contacted me since the start of the quarantine. All my parents do (besides work) is watch tv, and they get angry when I’m not with them when they’re watching tv even though they don’t talk to me. I feel like I’m a failure of a son to them. I feel like I’m too critical of them, because they often say that they love me, but I don’t think they mean it. I have a migraine from all the crying I was doing, and I feel like I’ve failed to bring up something important that I was going to in the post I lost. I feel like whatever I try to do, I’m going to fail, so why even bother. I was going to end my post here, but my mother forced me to watch this video of a poor family. She pointed out how the baby in this family had a staph infection on its face. I had a staph infection in my nose a few weeks ago, and she said I shouldn’t have had it with how clean we can be compared to them. She also pointed out how a boy wanted to go to school, but could not afford to, while we have the money to but yet I don’t want to study. I wanted to scream at her for the first time in my life. I held back, but that drained any energy I had left. Sorry if I broke any rules, or if this was a mess to read
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Anonymous41462, Fuzzybear, Open Eyes, Raindropvampire
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Skeezyks
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#2
Welcome to Psych Central I am sorry for all that you are going through
__________________ I think I need help 'cause I'm drowning in myself. It's sinking in, I can't pretend that I ain't been through hell. I think I need help---Papa Roach |
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Fuzzybear
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#3
Welcome to Psych Central, awesomechicken. It's been many years since I was young & in school. But I can still relate to some of the things you mentioned in your post.
One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Childhood Emotional Neglect forum. Here's a link: https://psychcentralforums.com/child...ional-neglect/ And then here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, that you may find to be of interest: The Highly Sensitive Person In An Emotionally Neglectful Family I hope you find PC to be of benefit. __________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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Fuzzybear
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#4
Welcome to pc.
I'm sorry your mother forced you to watch that video. I do not think that was kind or helpful I can relate to that and some other points you made in your post. My parents were extremely controlling, and NOT appreciative of me (or even supportive in some (or many) ways ) fwiw I do not think labelling anyone as a ''failure'' is a useful concept. I am sorry for all you've been going through. Quote:
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Member
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
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#5
Any way you can move out?
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#6
Hi awesomechicken welcome to psych central
You sound like you struggle with low self esteem and your parents are clueless in how to help you with that but instead make statements that contribute to your feeling worse. Well you did fine in your effort to share your challenge and most can relate so you can relax when it comes to trying to open up here. So how old are you awesomechicken? |
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