Peer groups, shaming and unsolicited advice

Does anyone else sometimes find unsolicited ''advice'' from someone who literally bear ly knows us (and does not know us at all) un bear able?

It's more un bear able when I try to explain it to Papa bear and he gets confused and ''triggered''.... it was not worth the effort trying to explain it to him. He is an Aspie I think and does not understand complicated or unhealthy ''communication'' (he does not find ME ''unhealthy''..) and especially does not understand or tolerate conflict. Especially during Feeding Time. It would have been much easier for me to write to a few friends about it (I eventually did..) than to try to explain it to him.

It is no longer of any consequence to me.

If I was visiting a secure hospital and a patient came up to me and said I am a Goddess... would I believe her? No.

If another patient came up to me and said I am a Devil would I believe her? No.

I am very good at identifying those who repeatedly make negative, inaccurate assumptions about others and act on those. I had to in order to survive when I was a cub. I avoid these individuals or minimize contact.

I love it when people do not try to force me (or others) into a box which simply does not fit. Each person is UNIQUE and is not to be shamed, is not to be compared to others. JMNSHO

Some of us grew up with Toxic Shame and do notice others who try to shame others... some of us are often very accurate with our observations of others (after years of meeting lovely individuals who we get on well with, and a few not so wonderful individuals who act out their toxicity on us.... this did happen to me on another forum which I have now blocked quite recently, Occasionally someone says quite bizarre and inaccurate things about me. Not my problem (I also do not think everyone understands how it's very hard to find a professional in some forests who are not tainted by the ''system''...

(so if someone reports having been harmed by 7 professionals I do not *** U ME the problem is necessarily with them..Unless I have lived with someone for 10 years I do not *** U ME I know them ''fully'' And even then people can be a surprise... sometimes...) I only recently realised that Peter Lomas was in our forest. So there are some good professionals.....)

Much respect and love to all who are AS IS

PS this is not a ''new'' issue and is NOT related to the ''situation'' in the world.

Something recently (on another forum) made me think of it.... I have not found a therapist who has helped me deal with the A holes in my life. I do not think it is ''my'' issue that the ''family'' of origin is full of sociopaths... That does not make ME ''defective''... I am stating MY truth. Which took me a long time to work out... I had *** u me'd I was ''defective'' and ''bad'' as they repeatedly told me those lies I can try to forgive them. But I have yet to find a magic wand that will wipe all the memories and pain away...

I talked to Papa bear tonight about some things. He got confused and somewhat triggered. I had tried to space my sentences out, with gaps between them, but he still got overwhelmed. He is ok now though. He is asleep

True. And cub-hood learning is deeply etched.

In the absence of such magic, we have...what? Therapy works for a certain percentage of people. Meds work for a certain percentage. Meds-plus-therapy is supposed to be "quite effective". And then there are others who do not find themselves (ourselves) in any of the above groups.

I wish I had an answer.

I am sending hugs dear Fuzzybear.

For me it is important to assess if the advice is offered as purely advice or is it an expectation of the way you are expected to behave going forward.

Some can be clumsy with language,,,,

Advice given that can be accepted or ignored is fine with me.
Advice that is repeatedly repeated if i choose to ignore it, causes much distress.....(Not really advice, at all. More of an order )

Hugs and respect

YOU are OK just AS IS dear fuzzy...lots of grief...

as is fuzzy

the whole world out there can go to hell

Thirty Shades: Advice given that can be accepted or ignored is fine with me.
Advice that is repeatedly repeated if i choose to ignore it, causes much distress.....(Not really advice, at all. More of an order )


Yes! This is something I was just saying, and is a major reason for a falling out I just had with a family member. Some people think that once they give you advice you have to either do what they said, or you have no right to vent to them about your problem ever again. I want to show her this lol.

I also agree with Thirty shades, it's fine to give advice, but when its more of an order... not so much

Thank you dear Thirty shades, I agree