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New Member
Member Since Oct 2020
Location: Nj
Posts: 8
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#1
I've been wanting to write something but wasn't real sure were to put it. Every quiz I take says I got something, but I guess depression is the most familiar to me. Maybe even comforting , sometimes, in some demented way. For along time I thought I knew why I was depressed. I spent decades playing a role, not being myself. Always alone, like operating my life from inside myself, never reacting or speaking naturally, always planned, calculated, making sure I said what was expected, never just a natural expression from myself. The few times I risked reaching out for help, I got my hand slapped. My life felt like I was strapped into the back seat of a car that had no driver and was Rolling backwards down a San Francisco hill. And i knew that when the car finnally stopped, somehow i would get blamed for the damage. But ive come to grips with all that, i feel like im ok with things, but somehow i still experiance debilitating sadness, just don't understand. I did the depression quiz and was in the high end of things. I was surprised. Oh, did I mention I have basically no support, no relationships that I feel free to discus this with anyone? Yeah, that too. I'm not really looking for answers just wanted to write this out. I think it helps me deal with my insanity.
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Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear
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guy1111
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
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#2
I understand you, loud & clear. Good luck with everything. And welcome to PC, Gazzelle!
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Fuzzybear
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Gazzelle
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Junior Member
Member Since Nov 2020
Location: Ohio
Posts: 23
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#3
I'm so sorry you're going through that. I struggle with a similar problem, except that I've never known why exactly I get depressed. I completely understand how you feel though; it's hard to find support, especially from friends and family. You can't really understand it unless you've experienced it yourself or you happen to be very understanding. Sending love and prayers.
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Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, Gazzelle
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Gazzelle
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
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#4
Welcome to pc Gazzelle
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Breaking Dawn
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Gazzelle
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Member
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
Posts: 422
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#5
I take it "hand slapped" is a very big understatement.
Sounds like you have never had anyone to trust. Im really sorry!! |
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Breaking Dawn
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Gazzelle
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New Member
Member Since Oct 2020
Location: Nj
Posts: 8
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#6
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Breaking Dawn, fantome
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New Member
Member Since Oct 2020
Location: Nj
Posts: 8
3 1 hugs
given |
#7
Yeah, trust isnt easy for me. Some of the crazy stuff people have said when i tryed to open up to them you wouldnt beleive! Everyone has problems, though, so im ok with it, just tough keeping everything inside.
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Breaking Dawn
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guy1111
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Member
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
Posts: 422
6 |
#8
Quote:
The hard part is when people get upset with us. As if we are bad for having problems. They push us away and the cycle continues. Come here and pour out your heart!! We can take it! We've heard the worst and we are not afraid to listen and try to help. Take care! |
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Breaking Dawn
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Gazzelle
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New Member
Member Since Oct 2020
Location: Nj
Posts: 8
3 1 hugs
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#9
Quote:
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Breaking Dawn
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