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Eeeeeeyore
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Default Aug 20, 2019 at 07:32 AM
  #1
I've just been informed I need heart surgery or I'll die. Although this may be a painful death and I guess theres a tiny chance hell exists, I can't see the point. I have had depression since 8 which has worsened with age, I have been trying to kill myself since I was 13, the most serious 2 attempts being in the last year. I'm now 38, have no family or friends or job. I exist on very little money and rarely go out. It just sounds a weird idea to prolong the life of someone that doesn't want to live. Was wondering if anyone else is in the same situation?
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Default Aug 20, 2019 at 07:45 AM
  #2
I am not sure this is the best forum to discuss this topic. Please see a mental health professional and keep emergency suicide prevention contacts available for yourself or your friend that may be in this situation. There are many ways to improve your life if you choose to. Prolonging life is not the same as living. Many great accomplishments have been achieved by those who have suffered from mental illness. Don't give up on your happiness. Please be as supportive as possible for your friend.
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Eeeeeeyore
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Default Aug 20, 2019 at 08:10 AM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by AB2371 View Post
I am not sure this is the best forum to discuss this topic. Please see a mental health professional and keep emergency suicide prevention contacts available for yourself or your friend that may be in this situation. There are many ways to improve your life if you choose to. Prolonging life is not the same as living. Many great accomplishments have been achieved by those who have suffered from mental illness. Don't give up on your happiness. Please be as supportive as possible for your friend.
What forum would you suggest is the best? This is clearly not a personal reply as it mentions a friend??
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Default Aug 20, 2019 at 08:41 AM
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Sorry, I misread your first post. And I am sorry not to be considerate of your medical condition. Heart surgery is serious, as any surgery is and I am sure is a scary experience going into. But I believe there are high survival rate statistics. What type of surgery is it?

Sorry again, this is the correct forum for that type of support but I am surely not the most knowledgable on this subject.
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Eeeeeeyore
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Default Aug 20, 2019 at 08:44 AM
  #5
Seems very strange to write such a authoritative reply to a post you havent even read properly.
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Default Aug 20, 2019 at 08:50 AM
  #6
Please accept my apology. I do take depression and suicide seriously.

There is a great support system here, with many others who are better suited to assist you. Please continue to post.
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Default Aug 20, 2019 at 08:53 AM
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Originally Posted by AB2371 View Post
Please accept my apology. I do take depression and suicide seriously.

There is a great support system here, with many others who are better suited to assist you. Please continue to post.
There you go again, my post isnt about suicide. I'm asking if anyone here is considering allowing themselves to die of natural causes.
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Default Aug 26, 2019 at 07:15 AM
  #8
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Originally Posted by Eeeeeeyore View Post
I've just been informed I need heart surgery or I'll die. Although this may be a painful death and I guess theres a tiny chance hell exists, I can't see the point. I have had depression since 8 which has worsened with age, I have been trying to kill myself since I was 13, the most serious 2 attempts being in the last year. I'm now 38, have no family or friends or job. I exist on very little money and rarely go out. It just sounds a weird idea to prolong the life of someone that doesn't want to live. Was wondering if anyone else is in the same situation?
I’m not in your situation or anything similar at this time. But I do think I understand how your feeling. If I had a life threatening problem whereas I would die without treatment, I just might refuse treatment. WHY ? Because of depression, similar to yours. I’m sorry if you disagree but I feel that refusing ( possible ) life saving treatment is basically committing suicide. That’s just my personal opinion. Wanting to die everyday and then given a legitimate way out
....... well it’s pretty obvious. Just remember, your pretty young and your situation CAN change for the better, to the point where you would want to live
and be grateful for the opportunity ( the heart surgery ) to do so.
Best of luck to you, either way.

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Default Sep 02, 2019 at 06:34 PM
  #9
Yes, I do understand. My "homework" this week for therapy is to come up with as many ideas as i can of things I would like to do that make me happy. Even if they are not possible, list them anyway.

It's been 4 days and so far, all I've managed is to imagine that I'd be happy were I not on medication. Nothing else clear has come to mind, so far.

It all feels awfully meaningless...pointless.

Strangely, though, I had an experience this spring that was vivid and profound...I nearly drowned in water (a creek) that was moving much more wildly rapid than I had realized. I shocked myself at how hard I fought not to die.

I would say that I'm not suicidal, and that you're not suicidal. But is it possible that how you feel is passively suicidal?

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Default Sep 02, 2019 at 06:47 PM
  #10
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Originally Posted by Eeeeeeyore View Post
There you go again, my post isnt about suicide. I'm asking if anyone here is considering allowing themselves to die of natural causes.
I can't say I know how to answer your question because this is a horrible situation but I think probably I might just not get the surgery. Not that it means death. How many people have I known personally who were told they needed to take a course of action... didn't, and then didn't suffer what the doctors said they would.

That being said, why don't we make this plan:

1. Get a second opinion. Find the best doctor you can and see what they say.

2. While doing that look into natural or other options.. some claim mind can heal body. I am reading the secret and there is one such story of healing a heart on it.

3. If all opinions come back that you must have it... do it... because you don't know what can happen in the future and maybe something revolutionary could happen either with your health or with other things.
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Default Sep 07, 2019 at 11:37 PM
  #11
I sort of understand... and not. OP asks if anyone is in a similar situation. I used to say when my untreated lupus is starting to kill me, I'd let it happen, IF they didn't come up with treatment I was OK with (Not steroids!!!). Some days I've even said I'd let it happen even if they offered something else. I felt like my life was more manageable if I had a more or less known ending point.

Now I have actually survived the age where I was supposed to die. It makes me confused, but also I realize we don't really know anything about the future.

I had a few good years, I'd be generous and count to a decade. I'm quite happy I got to live those years. Now, even without true depression, I don't feel OK anymore. I mean sure depression is part, but it is more complex than that. Some of the crap I lived lately I've actually also been grateful about, because I feel my span of emotion being unstable, has widened.

But it is tiring and being mentally and physically ill isn't a game. Especially without much of support. My friends give very limited support since they don't really understand other people's pain. I love my friends for other things, they are not bad people. Mental health care where I live has nothing to offer in terms of support. I mean nothing. Prescription refills. (Which I'm glad I get because some don't even get that.)

Rational me says my life will just continue to get worse. Hopeful me says I will learn something in the process and that some days will be good.

Nevertheless I feel cheated off my death. It was a partner I don't seem to have anymore. It's new and a bit saddening.

Anyway I'm not into reprogramming myself into a happy-happy person. I have realized that everything I use for my own survival and to feel better, is something I take and use, nothing someone will try to give. It's all my choice.

It takes being brave to continue living like this. Knowing it will never really get better. But no one is rewarded for this bravery, we're just told it's not enough and we should cheer up and read inspirational quotes and puke rainbows.

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