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Default Apr 12, 2018 at 06:17 AM
  #241
not been doing at all well in the last few days mood wise

not really any reason to it, just havon't

I guess one concilation (at least today), is that my mint humbugs arived so I have something to snack on!
 
 
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Default Apr 12, 2018 at 10:02 AM
  #242
One made a final thread post here but, no one else among us will ever post here again.
An "expert" has once again made it clear that we don't belong and are not what we claim to be but, offers no other explanation of what we are experiencing day in and day out. Maybe it is demonic possession. There is a memory about something written in the Holy Bible about how once a demon is cast out that it goes to the dessert to rest then, comes back with seven more stronger than itself. The designated driver persona or head of the consciousness once had a demon cast out of him. It was a very evil demon. He analyzed it as it left, looked into it and saw only evil through and through. It was very painful for him to learn of a being having no traces of good whatsoever and then, later being informed of seven more who are even worse coming back to take up residence in his mind and body.
Now, more than ever we are determined to get to the bottom of this.
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Default Apr 12, 2018 at 12:52 PM
  #243
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loose Screw x 2 View Post
One made a final thread post here but, no one else among us will ever post here again.
An "expert" has once again made it clear that we don't belong and are not what we claim to be but, offers no other explanation of what we are experiencing day in and day out. Maybe it is demonic possession. There is a memory about something written in the Holy Bible about how once a demon is cast out that it goes to the dessert to rest then, comes back with seven more stronger than itself. The designated driver persona or head of the consciousness once had a demon cast out of him. It was a very evil demon. He analyzed it as it left, looked into it and saw only evil through and through. It was very painful for him to learn of a being having no traces of good whatsoever and then, later being informed of seven more who are even worse coming back to take up residence in his mind and body.
Now, more than ever we are determined to get to the bottom of this.
I am sorry you are so triggered by someones words. Anyone on the internet can profess to be an expert on anything, but in real life they could be anyone at all. That is the nature of the internet. It is wise to use your own judgment about what people post and if it doesn't ring true with what other experts say all over the world then it probably isn't. People can say anything they want even when it is hurtful. Even when it is harmful. Even when those words don't ring true. Nobodys words can discount your reality. Take care.
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Default Apr 12, 2018 at 07:22 PM
  #244
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Originally Posted by Amyjay View Post
I am sorry you are so triggered by someones words. Anyone on the internet can profess to be an expert on anything, but in real life they could be anyone at all. That is the nature of the internet. It is wise to use your own judgment about what people post and if it doesn't ring true with what other experts say all over the world then it probably isn't. People can say anything they want even when it is hurtful. Even when it is harmful. Even when those words don't ring true. Nobodys words can discount your reality. Take care.
One's doctor said something very similar.
One feels as though it is not accepted as one who suffers from DID or any similar condition. One feels judged and invalidated.
One feels that one's self perception is considered to be false and the individual who made the statements against ones self perception has done so before, openly instead of messaging one and trying to offer some form of help.
One believes that the individual derrives pleasure from persecuting one and deliberately seeks to do damage.
One had trouble remembering one's previous post until rereading it and memories were slowly identified as valid information. This has never happened before. It is interesting yet confusing. One's system has been hurt and stunned by this and is percieved as an attack. One of one's states has wept in anger over this. Another is disgusted with humanity and feeling much hate.
If one's system does not exist then, one must also not exist and it is all a dream or someone's fantasy. If one and one's system does not exist than nothing exists. Just an endless nightmare from which there is no escape.
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Default Apr 12, 2018 at 11:57 PM
  #245
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Originally Posted by Loose Screw x 2 View Post
One's doctor said something very similar.
One feels as though it is not accepted as one who suffers from DID or any similar condition. One feels judged and invalidated.
One feels that one's self perception is considered to be false and the individual who made the statements against ones self perception has done so before, openly instead of messaging one and trying to offer some form of help.
One believes that the individual derrives pleasure from persecuting one and deliberately seeks to do damage.
One had trouble remembering one's previous post until rereading it and memories were slowly identified as valid information. This has never happened before. It is interesting yet confusing. One's system has been hurt and stunned by this and is percieved as an attack. One of one's states has wept in anger over this. Another is disgusted with humanity and feeling much hate.
If one's system does not exist then, one must also not exist and it is all a dream or someone's fantasy. If one and one's system does not exist than nothing exists. Just an endless nightmare from which there is no escape.
One's system cannot be negated by some random user's words. One exists entirely independently of any random other's words. Words shmerds.
You (all) are still there.
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Default Apr 13, 2018 at 12:04 AM
  #246
We had a very dissociative therapy session this week. Very messy, very ugly. It was like someone had cut us all up into tiny shreds of silver paper that fluttered and swirled through this mind. We spoke fragments of thoughts, switched and changed and shifted continuously with nothing solid to hold any one thing in place.
A child alter was present when we walked out. She was disorientated and disturbed that she was dressed in a work suit and carrying a hand bag. She held the bag far away from herself because she thought it was an old lady's and she kept trying to step out of the suit somehow as she walked as though it was a costume she was trying to take off. The heeled boots just confused her.
From the inside it felt like she must have looked like those dogs that try to walk out of their dog shoes. It was both comical and distressing at the same time.
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Default Apr 13, 2018 at 07:16 AM
  #247
We are back to almost in our cruising mode. Our confidence in self perception has returned.
This has been a good experience to test the system's but, mainly the host's steel. There was an upset but, now things and personas are calming down.
Many are still pissed though.
The insensitivity and nerve of the attacker strikes us in such a way as to believe that they have a heart of stone and a closed mind.
We were caught off guard but, it will not happen a third time.
We can mount our steed again and return to this battle.
Music has helped in this recovery too.
"Never Surrender" by Lion and "Nothin's Gonna Stand in Our Way" by Kick Axe has been a comfort and an inspiration as have other songs.
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Default Apr 14, 2018 at 09:07 PM
  #248
Was about to post something un-pc (like usual)...then again I thought I would offend again...so I settled for this itty bitty tid bit of say nothing. Just to let you know....I’m not okay, but it’s okay to think I’m okay. No offense taking here.
 
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Default Apr 15, 2018 at 11:38 AM
  #249
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loose Screw x 2 View Post
We are back to almost in our cruising mode. Our confidence in self perception has returned.
This has been a good experience to test the system's but, mainly the host's steel. There was an upset but, now things and personas are calming down.
Many are still pissed though.
The insensitivity and nerve of the attacker strikes us in such a way as to believe that they have a heart of stone and a closed mind.
We were caught off guard but, it will not happen a third time.
We can mount our steed again and return to this battle.
Music has helped in this recovery too.
"Never Surrender" by Lion and "Nothin's Gonna Stand in Our Way" by Kick Axe has been a comfort and an inspiration as have other songs.
Not sure what you talking about, nor do I hope it drives you away....baring our fragmented souls so publicly gives rise to insecurities and sensitivities. Believe me...I was hurt at first, but after due time a thick skin developed over what others think. I know me...you don’t know me. Piss off. I ain’t here to be diagnosed, just here to vent, get life insights, help.

What gets to me more is that I can’t reach out and grab anyone because it’s all words. That’s a trigger on it’s own. Some cry, feel suicidal, me...I want to grab hold and rip. Just saying.

We have Others that will never comeback on here again, too. They were just to sensitive for some of the words and also they are embarrassed for some of their behavior being we were just released from our self-imposed chains of the vow of silence 2-3 years ago so much we disappeared for awhile. So, it’s glad you’re back.

Last edited by Anonymous48690; Apr 15, 2018 at 01:41 PM..
 
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Default Apr 15, 2018 at 11:39 AM
  #250
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Originally Posted by shattered sanity View Post
not been doing at all well in the last few days mood wise

not really any reason to it, just havon't

I guess one concilation (at least today), is that my mint humbugs arived so I have something to snack on!
Geez SS...hope you be doing okay. Heard not a word lately. I’ll drink one for ya.
 
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Default Apr 16, 2018 at 06:26 AM
  #251
still here, and honestly, much the same issues.

no sleep- bad helusinations, bad flashbacks.. terrible anxiety..

the worst thing right now is the sunlight. I know we always say it, but it's really really bad for our mental health in general.

it needs to rain so we can get to feeling somewhat human

that would be nice..
 
 
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Default Apr 16, 2018 at 11:11 PM
  #252
I have to find a way to put my thoughts back in order. Sometimes I am ok but times like today I wonder what I do it for. Everything feels unfamiliar. I just want to stop for a minute and feel. I spend my time chasing thoughts of where I should be. I am afraid to stop because I will realize I don't know anything about myself. What's real whats in my head. fears paranoia love anger confusion. Self, how can I not know that. I am exhausted.
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Default Apr 17, 2018 at 06:25 AM
  #253
Dreamed slept hard...couldn’t believe alarm clock was real, wanted not to wake up. I was dreaming instead of watching another dream for a change- it had the loud rushing wind effect. I was immersed, I could of slept more hours.
 
 
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Default Apr 18, 2018 at 11:08 AM
  #254
Here it is, the rest of our upper teeth (2) to be removed this afternoon. Pb&j forrver! Lol.
 
 
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Default Apr 19, 2018 at 10:04 AM
  #255
Well. Today is the day.

I've been talking about it for a long time, and today I am going to go and check out the ALANON group that I found.

I'm really nervous because I don't know what to expect or who is going to be there. What's going to happen?

I'm nervous because I am wondering if they are going to want me to talk and say why I am there. That, by itself, always brings out the babbler and things come pouring out. I get pushed into the passenger seat, unable to stop the babbler from telling everything.

I'm embarrassed and it's triggering just thinking about it.

I think I'll be ok if I don't have to say anything.

I'm really nervous.

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Default Apr 19, 2018 at 08:31 PM
  #256
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Originally Posted by TrailRunner14 View Post
Well. Today is the day.

I've been talking about it for a long time, and today I am going to go and check out the ALANON group that I found.

I'm really nervous because I don't know what to expect or who is going to be there. What's going to happen?

I'm nervous because I am wondering if they are going to want me to talk and say why I am there. That, by itself, always brings out the babbler and things come pouring out. I get pushed into the passenger seat, unable to stop the babbler from telling everything.

I'm embarrassed and it's triggering just thinking about it.


I think I'll be ok if I don't have to say anything.

I'm really nervous.
Been to years of AA, Alanon, NA.....it’s boring as hell...but they say 90 meetings in 90 days want to or not....and then you are part of. You ain’t goeptta say nothing. Just listen. Look for similarities.

I’d spend the first few introducing then saying nothing. Get a feel for it. Get a sponsor, do the steps....yeah...Alanoners have their own addiction as Enablers....

We ourselves tend to spend the whole hour switching crazy because a) we hate groups, b) there’s real people there, c) everyone’s listening, d) we lost train of thought because we dissociate, e) everyone in us wants to say something, f) people are like “huh”?, ) f) we have anxiety and panic attacks, g) we sweat, h) the room spins, I) their are a lot of eyeballs looking at you, j) th3 body feels weird, k) dp and dr magnifies, ...so we say Hi...were blah blah, thanks I pass. Relief.

Good luck.
 
 
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Default Apr 20, 2018 at 04:49 AM
  #257
the positives of the week is that I ticked off something on my bucket list (going to a farm), tried a new drink that I liked (cherry tango), and caught up on my tv shows.

the negatives are that i've not been sleeping (not even lying down), the hot weather we've been having has been affecting my mood, and the littles are having more time out than the adults still.
 
 
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Default Apr 21, 2018 at 07:55 PM
  #258
We worked 13 hours overtime this week. Kewl. Now we tired as helll. Sleepy Sunday...NEXT!!!
 
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Default Apr 26, 2018 at 12:11 PM
  #259
been having nightmares past couple nights. Other night I was popping blackheads around my nose while looking in a mirror, and little clear worms were coming out the pores and a voice said they were nematodes.

Last night we were smoking a crack pipe for hours: the horror reliving a past time in our life...I was watching but couldn’t escape but kept smokin.

So tired fearing tonight.
 
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Default Apr 28, 2018 at 01:09 AM
  #260
Taking Saturday off for a break! Yay!

Tongue is swelled up with sores from trying to chew and crushing food. We’re not happy.
 
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