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Amyjay
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Default Sep 11, 2017 at 07:24 PM
  #21
Little ones are really distressed. Today was the last session with t. It was so hard to say goodbye.
I don't know what to do now.
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Default Sep 11, 2017 at 08:44 PM
  #22
We are finally getting settled in our new place. It has taken us 9 months to decide that we are in the right place for now. We worry about seeing a therapist because there arent many where we live. Right now we talk to a social worker. She is nice but more curious about us than I am comfortable with. But it is good to have someone to talk to. No one else here knows and for now that is fine. Some of us miss NY but we needed to get away so we could take of the mind and body. I think we need to stay put for another year or so than decide if we want to stay for good. The weather is better than NY so that helps.
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Default Sep 12, 2017 at 02:20 AM
  #23
Ugh. Some parts are having a bit of a meltdown because they didn't say goodbye to T. I am trying to tell them I did, we all did. We said our goodbyes. They aren't buying it, don't believe it happened. They are upset, "but we didn't get to tell her the things we needed to say!"
Is it really over???
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Default Sep 13, 2017 at 02:12 PM
  #24
this new alter who is trying to communicate is making things difficult for us.

I am even starting to copy her speech, which makes me sound like a complete embarrassment to those who know what I sound like.

need to figure out a way to communicate with her while I can still be myself. hmm
 
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Default Sep 14, 2017 at 07:11 AM
  #25
we also rang our 95-year old nan yesterday in the nursing home (we thought we were so brave to do so)

Possible trigger:


next week is her birthday and we are going to try to ring her again.

I think we handled it well given how hard it was to hear her like that
 
 
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Default Sep 16, 2017 at 10:59 AM
  #26
tough morning.

A, because we can't get any medication until Monday (and we were litirally begging for stuff we didn't have), and B, we're just struggling so much with our emotions rightn ow, they are so rapid we're not even sure from 1 minit to the next what to expect

afternoon... wasn't great, but it was a little calmer

a little easier to handle
 
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Default Sep 16, 2017 at 07:38 PM
  #27
i am trying to be more positive about seeing the new t. She has more training with DID so hopefully I can form a connection with her.
In other news my main abuser is sick and mother has been calling me crying hysterically that she needs me to help her. I have to go there soon. It causes so much dissociation.
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Default Sep 17, 2017 at 04:35 AM
  #28
the mood fairies have been extremely kind to me (overly kind)

I have been enjoying this feeling of feeling Christmassy...

trying not to overdo it, but wow!.

when moods change, they change..
 
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Default Sep 17, 2017 at 02:42 PM
  #29
I have been falling fast and hard this afternoon

from high, really high, to.. why am I still in this world and living through pain?
 
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Default Sep 17, 2017 at 02:57 PM
  #30
Just found myself looking in the mirror checking out how my shorts/butt look from the back. One of our wtf moments.
 
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Default Sep 18, 2017 at 11:31 PM
  #31
I am struggling with calls from mother because my father is sick. She keeps calling me begging to come over. i try not to go as much as I can because it causes so much dissociation and conflict lost time and stress and sickness and awfulness. Why am i such a bad daughter? Parts of me hate them so much!!!
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Default Sep 19, 2017 at 03:12 AM
  #32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay View Post
I am struggling with calls from mother because my father is sick. She keeps calling me begging to come over. i try not to go as much as I can because it causes so much dissociation and conflict lost time and stress and sickness and awfulness. Why am i such a bad daughter? Parts of me hate them so much!!!


you're not a bad daughter

you just have to do what's right for you, and it's hard, especially when it comes to family.

I should know, I get threats every day
 
 
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Default Sep 19, 2017 at 03:13 AM
  #33
mood is all over the place.

blah

not sure if i'm happy or sad
 
 
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Default Sep 20, 2017 at 03:13 PM
  #34
We survived my first graduate course. I had some dissociative episodes that caused two assignments to be turned in late, but my instructor worked with me. I'm considering filing for disability with the university. I've been told I could qualify and it would give me extra time to turn in some assignments if I need it. I'm naturally a bit nervous about the whole process.
Good news, we have another friend, and a safe group to talk to. The new leader at our Celebrate Recovery meeting is quite familiar with DID and very supportive and sweet. I'm thankful beyond words.

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Default Sep 21, 2017 at 01:49 AM
  #35
I feel upset and annoyed about the session with the new therapist today. I felt lost, inside and out. There was so much switching going on and I don't feel like I made a connection with her at all. Can she help us? I don't know.
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Default Sep 22, 2017 at 12:06 AM
  #36
Just wanted to say hello.

Things going on in my life feel overwhelming right now. I've wanted to be here, but to be honest, this place didn't seem real.

Just wanted to say hello so that it is real.

Can't explain right now.

Thank you for hearing me.

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Default Sep 23, 2017 at 04:42 AM
  #37
feeling low.

not low as in, really really struggling, but still quite low...
 
 
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Default Sep 25, 2017 at 04:27 AM
  #38
yesterday I watched the wizard of oz.

such a timeless movie... I love it

food was **** though, did not enjoy my dinner at all.

I also got really triggered last night by a post on here, and I had the thoughts all night.. it was horrible- it's bad enough having sleeping problems without thinking about suicide.

mother was on the phone to me at half 8 this morning hurling her usual abuse at me, and that made me feel even lower

I have very bad thoughts today, very very bad- but I know their are things I need to get done

-order an emergency grocery order to arive tomorrow (because of the simple fact when I ordered wednesday, it was all junk food) andi 'd neglected to order some much needed essentials

transfer some money for my hair appointment on thursday

and order my takeaway

get something yummy inside me- rather than my **** cooking
 
 
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Default Sep 26, 2017 at 03:23 AM
  #39
my first thought today: why do I always count down the days to death?

Possible trigger:


didn't enjoy my breakfast too much (not enough marmite on the toast!)

still feeling a little ill from my pizza yesterday too, so it plays a part..

feeling quite empty and stuff.

not really feeling much
 
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Default Sep 26, 2017 at 11:11 AM
  #40
so I had to change my hair appointment to next week, since my mental health worker wants to come and see me thursday morning (she probhably won't actually show up, but have to give her the benifit, right?)

anyway she found out I'd put in a complaint about her- and she is not happy about it

(I don't look forward much to that conversation!)

I also watched a movie called away, which turned out okay- their were a few triggers in it, but it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be

got some bills this afternoon, which are just lying unopened on my desk, and my emergency grocery delivery which i've put away

yeah.. feeling better this afternoon than I was this morning
 
 
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