[Amyjay]

I am so tired and raw. Trauma is so devastating. I feel devastated. I am devastated.

"I" was devastated. A child.

She was.

I feel okay.

just feel a little gross from my shower today

always makes me feel gross because of my body issues

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I feel okay.

just feel a little gross from my shower today

always makes me feel gross because of my body issues

Don’t I know it. I desperately want and try to start an exercise program, the only problem is that I’m never around much to do them let alone getting the other guys doing it. Then when I’m back out, I’ve forgotten because our memory sucks and I’ve got other concerns till I pull up my shirt or look into a mirror again.

We’re going to work today, I’m hoping that it doesn’t wear this body out...but it is a good wear out, because it means we made money and got to help out a bunch of families and persons in need.

I’ve decided that I suck at being mentally ill. Bipolar but not quite, DID but not quite, smart but not quite, not normal but not quite...

Stuck somewhere in nowhere but yet not quite there.

Sssshhhhhhh!

I have had another wasted weekend

the sad thing is, I'm not sure I'm that bothered.. it's been really hot outside, sure, and people have been doing their own thing- but hey.. I don't have anyone to do anything with, or anywhere I particularly want to go if I did, so

so sunday's here and I've accomplished **** all

so what

I've eaten (and cooked my own meals), not harmed myself and made an effert to shower friday- so I guess I've been taking care of myself

only thing I've not been doing is sleeping

but what's sleep anyway?

Our on call shift is about over, one more night. Getting ready for tomorrow.

[Amyjay]

I am sick of being sick, I know most of it is trauma related, I have been throwing up daily for several weeks now. Trying to decide if I can afford to see the Dr to see if there is anything she can do to help, not sure she can so don't want to waste the dollars. I feel like throwing up all the time. Until I do throw up, then I feel better for about half an hour. Then I feel constantly sick until I throw up again.
Ugh.

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I am sick of being sick, I know most of it is trauma related, I have been throwing up daily for several weeks now. Trying to decide if I can afford to see the Dr to see if there is anything she can do to help, not sure she can so don't want to waste the dollars. I feel like throwing up all the time. Until I do throw up, then I feel better for about half an hour. Then I feel constantly sick until I throw up again.
Ugh.

Have you tried a spiritual approach...like meditation....discovering your higher power....12 steps have helped me tremendously....connecting with the Universe beyond the realm of man that has been traumatic....

I love nature...it’s so innocent of human’s vulgarness....I find peace in that not of this world, a higher plane of consciousness beyond self....but more eternal making my life small to the grand scheme of things....but not trivializing self, but connecting to the purity unmired by human selfishness.

Ever get the feeling that you are over extending your visit?

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Ever get the feeling that you are over extending your visit?

if you're saying what I think you're saying, then oh my god yes

meant to be seeing someone at 10 A.M today, but now it's 11 A.M and as usual they arn't ****ing here

I'm not playing these games with them, if they show up later I can tell them just where to go and I won't be letting them in

people can't show up on ****ing time

not my issue

biggist annoyance

yesterday we watched a movie called geo storm

jesus ****ing christ
what a waste of an hour or so

mmoovie about this virus that was going to cause a massive storm unless this group of people stopped it

too actiony for us

we prefer drama

and my chicken pie I ate yesterday was ****ing ****

and my computer is being a ****ing idiot because it won't load the site I sometimes go on to vent

Just got up, drinking coffee, and happy that it’s Monday morning. Our week long job commitment is over and nothing awful really happened.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Just got up, drinking coffee, and happy that it’s Monday morning. Our week long job commitment is over and nothing awful really happened.

I never knew happy and monday could go in the same sentence

lol.. so many people hate mondays

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I never knew happy and monday could go in the same sentence

lol.. so many people hate mondays

I know, right?! Lol

Monday morning is the end of hell week of being on call 24/7....now I can relax.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I know, right?! Lol

Monday morning is the end of hell week of being on call 24/7....now I can relax.

as an adition to what I posted yesterday, I have just discovered their is a band (a rather old band) called

" the happy mondays"

....... okay