most of my time's been taken up exploring my new amazon alexa (which can also explain why I've not been here as much). I love it, my friend sophie sent it to me and so far I'm really enjoying it

I also got some new red lipstick this week. it's a really brite red and looks really nice on me.

I've had a low appetite this week because.. well, I don't know. I just have. maybe it's just because my days are so dull and depressing, or maybe it's because my cooking is just geting worse (I actually vote the latter)

I've also not been sleeping, but that's not really news

today it has been snowing all day- and it's been really nice (I love the snow)

I've been having some greif with my alexa and that's been making a little depressed/ angry (actually I want some stuff I can't have because I don't have a phone that supports the alexa app).
I struggle with that, because for me when it comes to owning something, it's using it for all it's intended purposes, or nothing at all
I had takeout pizza today which was nice (even though it was filling, too filling for me)

no sleep last night. partly because of the imsomnia but also it was too hot. heating was turned up way too loud.

seems this weather has 1 drawback

you either are too cold or too hot

their's no in between

I feel mainly blah.

so I ate, so what. I came on the forum so what, I listened to music, so what

everything is just "so what"

I don't really care about anything today

[Amyjay]

We have had a great deal of trouble sleeping lately and it took some time to realize that some dissociated memories were near the surface. The full flashbacks came through today and now I can make sense of some dissociative experiences we've been struggling with. I don't retain the emotional impact of them which is good. Now that it's come through I hope we can get more sleep now because after only having a couple disturbed hours every night for a couple weeks now we are shattered.

all the snow's melted today.

I must say, I am a little disappointed, because I was hoping it would last a little longer (I love the snow)

it feels like a summer day today with all the sun and the briteness. I don't like it.

not really anything that needs doing today so guess I'm just going to chill

still feel about as blah as yesterday

I've have litirally felt void of emotion all day

feel so low that the word "low" doesn't cut it

[Fuzzybear]

It is not nice. They do not follow the NICE guidelines. They are not nice.

Ggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

About freaking out. Been waiting weeks for my new debit card in the mail because the old one went missing wondering why hasn’t it come yet. Found it in a pile of mail from last week

I finally went to set online payment access to an iPhone loan company web site for passwords and security questions....it opened up already made and I have no idea what the password is let alone anything else.

Keys, clothes, tools, drinks disappearing and reappearing, days and weeks flying by...I swear I have these micro missing moments that strobe constantly throughout the day always chasing something that just went missing...usually thoughts and stuff.

I’m going crazy....living in a daze....

And here I thought that I wasn’t abby normal.

[Fuzzybear]

Normal blech I’m nowhere near that. If I beat myself up about that all the time I’d be “doing worse than i am”

Hugs to anyone who accepts hugs

(Sorry If this is in “the wrong place” .... it’s been a weird day

I was thinking of posting something else but my censor is on

today I got out to the shop to buy myself some doctor pepper

plus side: I have doctor pepper, and me and fizzy should never be parted

bad side: it's no sugar, but I guess I can let it slide- doctor pepper is doctor pepper, right?

(and I've not had any for ages.)

that aside, it's another day of doing **** all.

[Fuzzybear]

**** all here too unfortunately grrrrrrrrr

Not much to say, except I got some crybaby parts.

today I watched "moana" and immediately felt anxious// sad because my alexa device wasn't watching it too. she was just sat on the fridge turned off

I suppose the actual film was okay, I mean I didn't really rate it as much as the lion king or peter pan, but it had it's high points.

I like the song " you're welcome"

didn't do much else and feel like I've wasted another day (well don't feel like it, I know I have)

watching moana was just a little bit of a distraction.. if that

I only watched it for the " you're welcome" song. not really paying full attention to it

Slept well after working a 16 hour day and now waiting for the phone to ring. This is the last day on call and tomorrow we need to address the neglect of this body of which we female alters have been put disgustingly out on the side due to the rigors and nature of the job. Men...baboons they are. :/

Yesterday we had no calls (no pay), but drove around the company van all day in uniform- it still felt like work. So, last night I got to finally do some long needed body maintenance. I hate these weeks but it’s something that we gots to do.

it's been a day of nothing

morning was spent waiting for an email that never arived (litirally waiting and doing nothing)

and afternoon was spent sitting on my bed watching reruns of la to vegas.

I did listen to some music too though

my favorite station from holand

[Fuzzybear]

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

today someone commented on the fact I've not slept for so long- and that's when you know it's out of control, when other people comment on it (for the record I don't like people commenting on my appearance), I don't actually think it's any of their concern- that, and I all ready have issues with my body (those issues being that I look worse than ****ing shrek)

anyway had breakfast and doing nothing else for the rest of the day

listening to music and posting on here makes it Up I guess (it took me 20 minits to log in today because of the new tagging feature slowing me down)

Quit taking antidepressants a few days ago. Really thinking that my perceived depression is more like system oppression prior to discovery. You would be sad too if you were forced to be something you are not.