Feeling very resigned and tired of thinking about the condition all the time even though that’s what we do. So much going on now, struggling to keep it together. The stress of responsibilities are weighing heavy, the public personna at work is chipping and cracking with the weight and doubt, financial obligations are chains, the child is run amok...

Always on guard, filtering our switches to keep the ‘out of character’ ones in- always worried of what people perceive or think of us- trying to stitch together the switchy moments in a flowing public appearance, sticking to a character sheet that keeps changing.

I guess you can call this acting, but with extreme nervous intensity because this stage of life is much different then plays or films.

Just so tired on the inside.

I just tasted some food that tasted like light vomit

(light vomit?. is that a term?. it is now)

Wow, almost gone through my 2 week am/pm pill box...just noticed that my 200 mg lamictal am pill is missing. :/

I’m going through withdrawals. This explains the acute symptoms from no where the other night and my present mood. Resuming dosage today, hopefully it gets better.

yesterday I had a signed photo show up on my door step from ross barton (guy in emmerdale)

freaked us out a bit... none of us remembered writing to emmerdale, and come to think of it, none of us really remembered who he was- well we did, but we wern't really their.

we're like who the **** is ross barton?

no sleep.

feel depressed it is monday

feel like their's not much going on

[Mountaindewed]

I can never tell if it’s dissociation or if it’s just because I do the same thing every day.

[Amyjay]

I have a tooth abscess, it has swelled one side of my face and is causing intense pain.
I have never able to dissociate dental pain. Broken bones, easy. Cuts, no problem. Dental pain... Nope.
I hurt.

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I have a tooth abscess, it has swelled one side of my face and is causing intense pain.
I have never able to dissociate dental pain. Broken bones, easy. Cuts, no problem. Dental pain... Nope.
I hurt.

((((hugs))))

hoping it will get better for you

another **** day so far

with **** food yesterday and no sleep

Meds being out of whack and messed up has got us...whacked. Real closed up and emotionless like, blank.

Everything is like...whatever.

I wish I had something decent to say

sadly spent most of yesterday evening having flashbacks to the ambulance which was scary

I got out to the shop today to get some washing up powder

probably about my limit

tonight I'm eating chicken wings

I’m aggravate, irritated, disgusted and peed off. Screw this bs.

I am head of myself.

keep thinking tomorrow is friday... it's not, it's thursday

[childofchaos831]

I'd been thinking today was Thursday. And then thinking my appt (which is Thursday) was at 3 instead of 4... I was rushing to cook lunch and eat with the mother so I could get there and then she looked at the calendar and was like, "You don't have anything today, it is Wednesday, right?"

[Claritytoo]

my sister is coming to visit. this is good because i havent seen her in over a year. we talk all the time but i really miss her. i have been having anxiety wondering if i can be me without being others. i havent told her about the dx. i dont want her to treat me any different than she usually does. i used to know how we would be but i am not sure anymore. please be ok for this. please be who she knows. it's important. its everything to me. please

[Amyjay]

Therapy was an incredible waste of her time and mine today. What a complete waste of space. Why do I bother.

Possible trigger:

mother hurling more abuse at me again via email.

I'm not paying any attention to it. she's home for a while (until the end of the month), and is threatening to burn down where I live because she wants me dead and has had no word from anyone if I am dead or not

but I deleted it and ignored it. that woman isn't worth the effert

still unable to control my overeating, still not sleeping and in a lot of chronic pain

my mood would probably be good if it wasn't for my ****ing mother

Yesterday was the worse, I was the worse. Med withdrawal peaked and I was mentally ****ed. Today feels better, but it has only started. Readjusted meds to return to normal dose here in time.

I feel good. My head doesn’t feel like imploding....

[Amyjay]

Raging Vortex I amy be way off base here but is there any possibility at all that it might be an introject alter that is emailing you as your ******? Just wondering as it seems you take lots of precautions against her being able to contact you but she always seems to find your new email... or could it be that a loyal alter is contacting her to let her know your new email addresses?
Sorry, I hope that isn't upsetting for me to ask. Ignore if you need to.