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Old 11-09-2017, 12:35 PM #21
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Default Re: big problem..

No,it wasn't a stupid thought.And yes,I know you have wondered whether you have DID many times before.I'm not saying you don't have it,I'm not saying/guessing what your diagnosis should be,I am just responding to this specific thread and what you have talked about and described here.

And I just don't think you should put so much merit into this experience and let it get you so worked up like you are.I don't think you should use a drug induced state as a symptom or proof of any illness or disorder.It's just not logical or even rational to do that.

So what if anyone thinks you're insane.If they're true friends then all you gotta do is explain you didn't take your meds for 5 days and you realize that plus doing the other drugs really messed you up and they will understand.And true friends won't want you doing those drugs with them anymore because they will be more concerned with your well being rather than wanting you to get high with them.

I still think you need to talk about all of this on the 10th to ease your fears.Nobody here can diagnose you,and I guess we shouldn't try to tell you what something isn't based on what you say either.Your best bet is talking to a professional.
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Old 11-09-2017, 02:20 PM #22
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Something wrong i cant express myself. Because its like all compartmentalized and in conflict and i cant function good because its not working in agreement... trying to follow one path but there are many present that i get lost on going in different directions of the goals i desire sometimes opposite goals even which i think maybe what kinda was happening.. felt like a standoff stand still,., frozen...

I dont know if any you will understand what i mean..
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Old 11-09-2017, 02:46 PM #23
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I think you were just over-stimulated, to be honest. The mind can freeze when it's overloaded.

Your brain might have been needing a quiet night in, but you forced it to party instead.

If you count how many stimulating factors there are in this situation - your original condition, withdrawal from the meds you were taking for it, rec drugs, alcohol, noise, dodgy people doing unsafe things, obsessing about what people think - no wonder your poor head had to shut down.
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Old 11-09-2017, 04:02 PM #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elevatedsoul View Post
I have never experienced it like that before...
Have you ever gone without your effexor for that long before?(5 days).

As I said,my son is on effexor and has withdrawal symptoms after the first missed dose.He went 2 days without it once and was a complete mess,was completely out of it,walking around looking like he was lost in a daze.His gf and I both made him take it because he wasn't doing well at all.

So I am assuming you were already in bad shape from not taking your effexor,plus your other medication,you were experiencing withdrawals and then did meth,smoked weed and did some kind of opiate on top of it.

That was a disaster in the making from the get go.

And now it has you thinking/worried you have DID.


Ok,so just for the hell of it,let's say you are right and it's DID.

What would that mean to you and for you?What would that change for you or in your life,both good and bad?What would your next step be?
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Old 11-10-2017, 06:43 AM #25
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Default Re: big problem..

I have been wanting and tryin to figure out what is wrong with me for a long time...
Just to understand..
Been trying to hide my problems all my life... so being so exposed makes me feel really bad..

I cant do anything different from what i have been doing... trying to survive and deal with whatever symptoms i have.. and keep going to my doctors...

I feel like you are mad at me because i say things like this. Like if i have this or that problem.. i just want to understand what is wrong with me so i can learn to cope...

I want to learn to be a real person..
Someone solid that is not going to be changing all the time like normal people...
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Old 11-10-2017, 06:49 AM #26
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I'm sorry you're hurting so much.

I have also kept my mental health issues to myself, on the whole. But I'm starting to think that might not be the best way to go.
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Old 11-10-2017, 08:35 AM #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elevatedsoul View Post
I have been wanting and tryin to figure out what is wrong with me for a long time...
Just to understand..
Been trying to hide my problems all my life... so being so exposed makes me feel really bad..

I cant do anything different from what i have been doing... trying to survive and deal with whatever symptoms i have.. and keep going to my doctors...

I feel like you are mad at me because i say things like this. Like if i have this or that problem.. i just want to understand what is wrong with me so i can learn to cope...

I want to learn to be a real person..
Someone solid that is not going to be changing all the time like normal people...
I am definitely not mad at you.I'm sorry if that's what my communication style makes you think and feel.I'm just a blunt,straight forward person and I don't coddle or sugar coat anything.I don't think I would even know how to if I tried.

I do get frustrated with you though.Because you get something in your mind and then run with it,run it into the ground,then take off running with the next thought that comes along.Over and over and you are not able to see how often you are creating many of your own problems.My replies in this thread were meant to help you see that,help you see that what you experienced is most likely not what you are convincing yourself it is.

And yes,you can do things different.When you start seeing your new T you can go in,share all your experiences,all the things you struggle with and allow them to actually help you.Figure out what it is together,accept what they diagnose you with and work with them on getting better.

I know it''s hard for you to not research things,to not self diagnose,to agree with what MH professionals tell you or want you to do.This time you could do it differently.You could trust them to help you get better and put your all into working on yourself.I don't feel you have whole heartedly given your all into it before and I feel if you would this time things may really turn around for you.

And tbh,sometimes to me it seems ypu feel the need to get a dx that reflects your amount of hurt,pain and struggling.Like maybe you feel certain illnesses aren't representative or equal to your suffering.That you feel it can't be just PTSD or just anxiety or just whatever because you are suffering way too much.I feel instead of searching or guessing or trying to figure it out you will do and feel much better to just allow a professional to help you regardless of the diagnosis.Healing is what matters,not the label you are given.
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Old 11-11-2017, 09:31 AM #28
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Default Re: big problem..

yes.. healing is what matters...

its not that i dont think its not ptsd, its just that no one seems to understand what i am going through...

i talked to the therapist yesterday briefly...

she said she had worked with some others that had d.i.d. so that made me feel a little better about maybe being able to figure it out...
she said it may not be full developed identities though whatever that means, i think she said that atleast... i was really struggling...

im just having a really hard time getting myself to come up from out of this underwater feeling...

really disconnected and detached... not sure who i am...
feel like i keep changing from different people... really confused.. embarrassed...
scared...

its scary because other it makes me feel like it might be strokes... brain disease... dememntia... something like that...because my mind is slipping...
and im just getting scared more and tired more and more...
making me just not want to live like this more... cant keep going like this...

wtf is thiss...
to be a box. with call cards in it...
but the box is not functioning or making calls to the cards to come out.. so end up with this place holder that cant do ****...
like the box is locked... broken... all the cards scrambled... numbers lost, box making the wrong calls...

i just want to be someone, a person that can handle life, need to make this stop...
dont know why it bad now.. or did it ever get better?

i dunno whats going on...
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Old 11-11-2017, 11:17 AM #29
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I'm glad you were able to talk to the therapist,even if just briefly.

I hope you have found someone that can help you and find some peace and healing so that you're not constantly struggling.
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Old 11-11-2017, 01:49 PM #30
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i just want it to be over..

and im trying so hard not to think like i want to hurt myself you know

but i just dont know how it can get better really... im scared it cant and wont because i really have been trying hard to overcome...

i just want to make it all go away
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