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peaches100
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Default Feb 13, 2018 at 12:53 PM
  #1
When I was growing up, I got in trouble at home frequently for forgetting to do things or not doing them right. My parents interpreted it as laziness or carelessness. Here are some examples...

When I was 8 years old, it was my job to clean my gerbil cage. If I didn't notice that it was getting stinky and change the litter, my dad would get angry with me. When I was 12, it was my job to vacumn and rake the carpet, clean both bathrooms, and dust. I remember at least one time that my parents said I didn't rake the carpet well enough. Another time, I didn't rub the furniture polish in well enough, and it left some dried residue on my mom's piano. When I was 14, I set a friend's boombox on their stove to get it out of the way while we were doing something in the kitchen, and I didn't realize someone had left the burner on (it melted, and i had to buy them a new one). As an adult, if my car is in a large parking lot, I often forget where I parked. Occasionally when riding with a friend, I'll approach the wrong car. People sometimes tell me that they see me at stoplights and honk and wave, but I don't wave back. If I am a passenger in a car, we can go to the same place several times, but if I don't make a point to pay close attention, I have no idea how to get there. I sometimes don't recognize clients I've worked with at work if I see them in the elevator or the cafeteria.
I have trouble finding things in the pantry or in kitchen drawers. I have few memories of my childhood, except for the traumatic things that happened to me. I don't remember anything about my high school graduation, for example. Sometimes, my husband will say, "Hey, remember when we did so-and-so?" and I won't remember it (thankfully, this doesn't happen very often).

All my life, I have felt worried and ashamed about my poor memory, poor facial recall, and apparent lack of recognition of things around me in my visual environment. I did pretty well in school and also do well in my job, so my brain must be capable of retaining information (although I do use post-it notes and lists to help me remember). I have my eyes checked regularly, including my peripheral vision, and there's nothing wrong with my eyesight.

Although my parents noticed I was absent minded, they did not seem to think at all that I might have an actual problem with my awareness that was beyond my control. When I forgot to do things or did them in a way that was less than ideal, my dad would call me lazy or say I didn't care enough to do a good job. To this day, he believes that I lack motivation, even though my life shows that I do!

My t seems to think so. I've sometimes been afraid that maybe I have early-onset Alzheimer's, but I'm only in my mid-50's and I've always been this way. It has been worse since my breakdown, but I've always had this problem. I've noticed that when I am nervous or upset, my forgetfulness and ability to comprehend the things around me gets worse.

Could these be symptoms of dissociation?
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Thanks for this!
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amandalouise
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Default Feb 13, 2018 at 01:25 PM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100 View Post
When I was growing up, I got in trouble at home frequently for forgetting to do things or not doing them right. My parents interpreted it as laziness or carelessness. Here are some examples...

When I was 8 years old, it was my job to clean my gerbil cage. If I didn't notice that it was getting stinky and change the litter, my dad would get angry with me. When I was 12, it was my job to vacumn and rake the carpet, clean both bathrooms, and dust. I remember at least one time that my parents said I didn't rake the carpet well enough. Another time, I didn't rub the furniture polish in well enough, and it left some dried residue on my mom's piano. When I was 14, I set a friend's boombox on their stove to get it out of the way while we were doing something in the kitchen, and I didn't realize someone had left the burner on (it melted, and i had to buy them a new one). As an adult, if my car is in a large parking lot, I often forget where I parked. Occasionally when riding with a friend, I'll approach the wrong car. People sometimes tell me that they see me at stoplights and honk and wave, but I don't wave back. If I am a passenger in a car, we can go to the same place several times, but if I don't make a point to pay close attention, I have no idea how to get there. I sometimes don't recognize clients I've worked with at work if I see them in the elevator or the cafeteria.
I have trouble finding things in the pantry or in kitchen drawers. I have few memories of my childhood, except for the traumatic things that happened to me. I don't remember anything about my high school graduation, for example. Sometimes, my husband will say, "Hey, remember when we did so-and-so?" and I won't remember it (thankfully, this doesn't happen very often).

All my life, I have felt worried and ashamed about my poor memory, poor facial recall, and apparent lack of recognition of things around me in my visual environment. I did pretty well in school and also do well in my job, so my brain must be capable of retaining information (although I do use post-it notes and lists to help me remember). I have my eyes checked regularly, including my peripheral vision, and there's nothing wrong with my eyesight.

Although my parents noticed I was absent minded, they did not seem to think at all that I might have an actual problem with my awareness that was beyond my control. When I forgot to do things or did them in a way that was less than ideal, my dad would call me lazy or say I didn't care enough to do a good job. To this day, he believes that I lack motivation, even though my life shows that I do!

My t seems to think so. I've sometimes been afraid that maybe I have early-onset Alzheimer's, but I'm only in my mid-50's and I've always been this way. It has been worse since my breakdown, but I've always had this problem. I've noticed that when I am nervous or upset, my forgetfulness and ability to comprehend the things around me gets worse.

Could these be symptoms of dissociation?
sorry but only your own treatment providers can say what is dissociation and what isnt in you.

what I can say is that in.........me..... what you posted is called normal, normal forgetfulness, dissociation, sleep deprivation, MS and many other things too depending upon situation, meds, and other accompanying symptoms....

my suggestion is if this continues to bother you contact your own treatment providers who can do the actual work needed to discover whether these situations were / are dissociation in you.
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tecomsin
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Default Feb 13, 2018 at 01:43 PM
  #3
Some of your stories from the past rang a bell: #metoo.
Now I also wonder if I might be dissociating mildly from 'reality'. My perceptual system is disturbed a lot more than when i was younger. I've had psychoses and bouts with high doses of medications and chemotherapy too so my brain has been 'shattered into a million pieces' more than once and now I am just tired of making decisions and my energy level in the brain is so low,

I do miss the energy of youth, but now if I show any energy at all everyone around me thinks I'm walking down the road to hypomania again. Is that paranoid or reality?

Anyway Peaches, just to say, you are not alone in this way of being.

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Default Feb 13, 2018 at 01:57 PM
  #4
I think with the examples you gave there is likely a mixture of reasons (excluding dementia as one of them though). With housework children just don't do as good a job as parents. When my kids vacuum they don't pull out the furniture of get alongside the walls like I do. That's not dissociation or poor memory, but inexperience. Setting a boombox on top of a stove burner you didn't know was on... inexperience. Kids do stuff like that because they haven't had enough experience to predict outcomes. Some other stuff you mentioned is likely normal memory stuff, and some other things sound like they could be dissociation related.
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