[MoxieDoxie]

I do not understand how mapping out all these parts and then picking like 3 of them, putting together in a circle and then thinking about how they work together is going to change anything.

T says that we do not get rid of parts we keep a trait from all of them to work cohesively in the system.

I do not understand how this process is going to do a thing.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

I do not understand how mapping out all these parts and then picking like 3 of them, putting together in a circle and then thinking about how they work together is going to change anything.

T says that we do not get rid of parts we keep a trait from all of them to work cohesively in the system.

I do not understand how this process is going to do a thing.

only your own treatment provider can answer what and how this process is supposed to work for you.

that said Im willing to take a guess based on how my own internal system was...

my alters even those I didnt know existed were able to know what was going on with me. other wise they would not have known when to take control and do their sense of agency (job, purpose, reason for being created and so much more)

example if rainy had no idea that I was feeling scared during a thunderstorm, she would not have known to take control when thunder storms were triggering me to do her job of getting out of the rain, into dry clothing, make a warm and soothing snack, cuddle up with a blanket and toy.

some how some way she was able to know when it was time to do her part, do what and why she was created.

my therapist and I called what ever it was that gave her this ability my "filtering down to her"

we used this filter when ever we wanted Rainy to understand what was going on.

my point and taking a guess is that maybe this is what your treatment provider is doing.... explaining the integration process thats going to happen with you, in a way that the others will understand too. if you have the ability to know what your alters are doing, thinking or saying, drawing and thinking about what you are doing is a way to communicate whats going on, in a way that does not require you to get triggered and dissociate so that others will take control.

in other words its a more natural approach instead of all that over dramatized stuff you see in the movies and in books.

again this is only a guess based on how my own internal system was. to get your questions actually answered directly related to you and your process you will need to talk with the treatment provider that is doing this with you.

[TrailRunner14]

Integration sounds like a scary word to the little parts of me. For some reason it sounds forced and something that the little parts have to do to be ok.

I'm not sure about the 3 parts inside the circle. Maybe that would be your 3 most prominent parts? The 3 parts that seem to be forward the most?

There are 3 parts of me that seem to always have a say in what's going on and how I perceive situations. Your post brought that to my attention as an "Oh! Ok."

Thank you!

I'm not sure if it's integration, but I've made a safe place for these three parts to come together and discuss things that are happening or situations that I have conflicting feelings about. Each part has their opinion and their view point, and each part is respected and heard.

I'm not sure if that's what you are describing, but that is what I saw when I read your post.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

I do not understand how mapping out all these parts and then picking like 3 of them, putting together in a circle and then thinking about how they work together is going to change anything.

T says that we do not get rid of parts we keep a trait from all of them to work cohesively in the system.

I do not understand how this process is going to do a thing.

question did your therapist train at the enneagram institute? reason I asked is they developed a treatment model that is used with personality disorders but not usually DID because one of the requirements is that there is no changing from one personality to another.

maybe this is what your treatment provider is trying to do with you.

here is the link....
https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/h...-system-works/

[Amyjay]

My T has never used the word integration with me so I don't really know much about that. We have been practicing having meetings and talking to each other and learning about each others needs and point of view though and that seems to help us a lot. Each time we talk with one and come to understand their job and how they do it and how they are actually trying to help the system overall it seems to change things inside and make it better or easier somehow. Even though my T hasn't discussed "integration" with us it feels to me like it would be something like that. Talking sharing understanding helping supporting knowing caring accepting cooperating.
I suppose different therapists with different training have different ideas and opinions about integration. The closest thing i have seen like a "how to" guide for treating DID is from a site called ISSTD, they have therapy guidelines for treating DID, but I think even they don't mention "integration". I'm not sure.

[MoxieDoxie]

Right now in session the one part that seems to come out is the one that just shuts the system down and won't talk. It happens when things become difficult to talk to or I feel backed into a corner.

I can feel it come on. It is so weird. The entire right side of my face feels heavy and pressurized especially in my right eye. Feels like it is being squeezed. I feel like I could lay down and sleep. My emotions become flat and I do not react to anything. My memory of the session becomes foggy and I remember fragments of it. I feel I just have issues with memory recall when I think about the session the next day.

Anyway I always thought this was the "Freeze" response in PTSD as that is what I was originally diagnosed with but I never remember the physical sensations when it came on like it happens in the therapy room.

[yagr]

I'm not sure how helpful this is going to be, but my concerns that it wasn't going to be helpful kept me from responding last night, but I woke up with this post still on my heart and so I'm going to give it a whirl anyway.

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

I do not understand how mapping out all these parts and then picking like 3 of them, putting together in a circle and then thinking about how they work together is going to change anything.

T says that we do not get rid of parts we keep a trait from all of them to work cohesively in the system.

I do not understand how this process is going to do a thing.

First, the only thing I can tell you about integration is that it is my one and only deal-breaker in therapy. The very idea feels like murder/suicide.
Fortunately, my therapist is against the idea for us. Here comes the part that I can't figure out how not to say but is the reason for my reluctance to respond...it sounds so...pfft, like bragging or something, and I certainly don't mean it to come out like that, but it feels like a necessary precursor to sharing my thoughts about your experience.

My T says that normally she would be pro-integration but not with us because she feels that we have become more than the sum of our parts. While it hasn't always been this way, we work together extraordinarily well and have for some time. Really though, I have some challenges in loving myself, but (even though it's a physical impossibility) I'd take a bullet for any of my alters, and they know it. Though she's never said it, my T sees our relationship as the impetus for any and all self-care. So anyway, that said...

What you're describing sounds less like integration to me and more like strengthening co-consciousness. Maybe co-consciousness falls on a continuum and the far end IS integration, I really don't know, but getting three of them in a room and getting to know each other better...well, it's the first step to a better, stronger relationship. I mean, it's why we date (or dated) right? Get together with someone one on one and spend some time with this person, getting to know them so we can figure out whether we want to be in a relationship with them. With our alters, we already are in relationship with them - "you can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives" kind of thing, but communication is necessary to improve any relationship.

Note: Someone please remind me not to post in the morning before coffee...

ahem, okay, back to it...anyway, so how is this going to change anything? Well, I don't know. But it does sound a bit like family therapy. Often members of the family have individual counseling sessions and then they come together and have a family session where they try to see things from each others point of view, work out grievances, learn to respect and appreciate each members place in, and contributions to the family, and look for solutions together. Yeah...strikes me as family therapy rather than integration.

[MoxieDoxie]

I can not access parts on demand. There are some that are easily triggered like the young ones especially the very needy child with unmet needs that won't heal. I do not want to talk to certain ones.

T just wants certain aspects of each blended together to make like a super trio. Like what would an employee look like if they were a blend of my narcissistic part, my manage part and then what I call the real self. Trying to envision this while sitting in a child part wanting to please to be praised is making me depressed, frustrated and I want to bang my head.

I hate how I feel. I hate how I flip back and forth from one feeling to another. I hate that he thinks this is a dissociative disorder. I hate myself. I hate that child that wants more from him. I can not hug myself, I can not talk to those extreme parts and tell them it is all ok. I hate how I am frightened to go to therapy but at the same time I want to be bathed in his light.

I have a part that wants to leave him before he leaves us. I am exhausted all the time.

[zoiecat]

My T mentions integration often but he always adds that it is up to the parts if they want to integrate or not. He always says we can never get rid of one another. Even if some do decide to integrate he says it is like breaking a glass window. You sweep up all the pieces melt them down and make a new pane of glass so nothing and no one is ever lost.

He emphasizes that integration usually happens (if it does at all) after certain parts start to heal and their old role is no longer needed. Like two helper parts might decide to combine or a couple littles might decide to combine especially if one or two decides to age and gets close with another little.

Every system is different and you can't force anything on anyone. That is why my T only pushes for more communication in the hopes of building cooperation at this point. It is a long process and some might decide to never integrate but increased cooperation can still make your life a lot easier and less traumatic.

[MoxieDoxie]

I feel like this is all hocus pocus.....

It is like voodoo you have to believe in it to work.

Besides I am not even on board with his dumb diagnosis. pfft.

[MoxieDoxie]

I Sent T this email, well since he decided I am not DID:

"The type of therapy modality you switched to with me (parts integration?) work for any issue? I only ask because since you did switch to that I am having an easier time making it through the days because I do not feel like I am just trying to survive or existing until until I die. Well that was yesterday anyway and I had a long day. I had an easier time pushing "parts' thoughts out of the way. I tried to use containment on something when with a client but it was hard to focus.

Now if I can only stay consistent in that frame of mind for a string of days and flip back and forth from a free feeling to a dark heavy feeling."

He Replied:

"the type of modality really only works when there is a part of you that is fully capable, functional, and willing to do some hard work. You use this type of modality when other parts are getting in the way of that capable part from being present some or most of the time.

In essence, it means the best adult self is very high functioning with lots of good qualities but something is preventing it from being present at all times."

Obviously “I” have read this before...but, I have parts that dont want integration and most stay quiet of why they are...I just got to figure that out for myself. I believe if you have parts that dont want to integrate- it’s not going to happen.

Having parts of parts- I can see integrating fragments to make a part of the next and bring that part together and so on...like a multi level fragmentation.

Take a piece of glass and break it, it become parts. Pick up a part and smash it again and it becomes smaller parts, and then again. Each smashing represents a part having more parts. Start with the last smash and put the fragments together making a bigger piece, then do the same again with the next set of now bigger glass, and so on till you finally get one whole piece of glass...this is what I see as the way of putting things back together which is what integration is all about.

For a poly-fragmented system, this can take years...of course this just a logical speculation on my behalf...only through what I have read do I make this assumption being not going through the process myself.