Little backstory. Our field is political science. This is a golden time for scientists. We worked hard & successfully. But suddenly insiders are feeling nothing, don't want to participate.Didn't to go celebrations.Hey, any party we are there! Today's rapid response which we helped get organized....thought we would be regretting not showing up...turned around came home. This has happened with individuals occasionally usually if in another's domain. We have been working successfully on co-consciousness. Could this have anything to do with it? Just want to stay home and be left alone. Not even answering phone or door. After T session today promised little ones pizza. Who turns down pizza?!..Could pick it up thru drive thru. Nope, everyone just wanted to go home. As host, is there something I should do? Will it pass? It's starting to scare me. Familiar to anyone?

I was pondering this or something like this the other day, and it comes across as procrastination. It’s like when there is something that needs to be done, like cleaning the shower or seeing the doctor, and an insider (usually a little) doesn’t want to due to fear, regret, unsurety......there is a degree of resistance that stops us and just stare at the finish line.

Often times when we get angry enough to finally do the task.... it’ll get done and the feeling fades away...it’s like that wasn’t that bad....why did we wait???

I often wonder do singletons get to this degree of inner struggles when wanting to accomplish a task.

Have you been checked for bipolar or depression?

[MickeyCheeky]

((((cavaliers))))

Thanks. Hadn't thought of that. Yeah, had a T that loved testing. Think we got tested for everything but hang nails! She even required complete physicals. No co-morbid dxs. We joke with our T that he is SPD....single personality disordered. But he is great at trying to explain what it is like for him. The difference. Thanks for responding it helped.

[MickeyCheeky]

Is your therapist helping you?

[amandalouise]

heres a thought.... since you seem to know what others inside are feeling and what they want to do (co consciousness) maybe you can sit down and think inside and ask them why they want to do this. maybe there is something going on that has made you and your system triggered and the need to go home is there.

another thought is that many including me here have this urge to isolate during depression and it is the time of year when most people have depression symptoms. maybe you can talk with your therapist to see if this is depression and maybe there is something that will help with this.

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Is your therapist helping you?

Definitely! But he can't explain how getting well feels. Only other MPDs can. Sometimes improvement feels worse at first.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by cavaliers

Definitely! But he can't explain how getting well feels. Only other MPDs can. Sometimes improvement feels worse at first.

getting well from DID (your word MPD) feels the same as someone who is healing from anxiety, depression, or any other mental disorder.

its all about learning to face your problems head on instead of letting the triggers cause you to dissociate...

example one of your posts says you are able to talk about the weather with your therapist. how does that feel to you to be able to talk about the weather with out feeling numb, spaced out and disconnected.

the first time I was able to talk about rain and rain storms, thunderstorms with my therapist she stopped me and said hey we have never been able to talk about storms and here we are talking about last nights thunder storms, how does that make you feel? I told her it feels great I wasnt numb, spaced out or disconnected. I was fully engaged in the present conversation, and enjoying the conversation.

my suggestion is through out your day take time to breath and notice how you are feeling. this will tell you what it feels like to you to heal from DID.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by cavaliers

Little backstory. Our field is political science. This is a golden time for scientists. We worked hard & successfully. But suddenly insiders are feeling nothing, don't want to participate.Didn't to go celebrations.Hey, any party we are there! Today's rapid response which we helped get organized....thought we would be regretting not showing up...turned around came home. This has happened with individuals occasionally usually if in another's domain. We have been working successfully on co-consciousness. Could this have anything to do with it? Just want to stay home and be left alone. Not even answering phone or door. After T session today promised little ones pizza. Who turns down pizza?!..Could pick it up thru drive thru. Nope, everyone just wanted to go home. As host, is there something I should do? Will it pass? It's starting to scare me. Familiar to anyone?

It can be really hard to tell what is going on sometimes, can't it. I am slowly learning that whatever is happening, there is usually some reason behind it. Even if I don't know what's going on I am trying to trust that it will reveal itself to me at some point.
A few weeks ago I went through about a week of needing to sleep all the time. I had to take time off work because I was so overwhelmed with the need to sleep. My kids were worried about me because on a couple of days I could only manage to be out of bed for about 2 hours. I wasn't sick with anything, I wasn't depressed (as far as I could tell, but it did feel as lethargic as severe depression), I just couldn't stay awake. A big clue that it was psychological and not physical was that I did not want to be awake either. Both the body and mind wanted only to sleep.

Then we "woke up".We cleaned the whole house. We got a skip bin and threw away a TON of stuff. We streamlined everything in our life. We started living differently. More in control. More grounded. More emotional. More connected. More self nurturing. More compassionate. Just "more".

It was only after a few more weeks that we realized that there seems to have been a merging or integrating of two keys alters. This is not a good thing - it is a GREAT thing!

I don't know if that resonates with anything that is going on for you or not. But I thought I would share my experience about having "something going on" but not knowing what it is... but you find out more about it later.
Have you figured out any more about what is going on for you?

[amandalouise]

Wanted to add to my post but editing time has past...

Cavaliers... just like having DID is individualized for each person...so is their healing path and how it feels to them... no one is going to be able to tell you how its going to feel for you.

People with DID have to meet the same diagnostic criteria but their own life, trauma's, medications, culture, what and how their internal system is set up, what their "other accompanying symptoms" are and other stuff.

let me give you an example....

for me integration was a normal process. for my culture and such integration / healing began the moment I entered a college class that required the students to do an in class activity of a short psych eval, take that to a treatment provider of our choice and go through official testing for mental disorders then enter treatment based on what the testing process found. that was the beginning of my healing from DID. with out that beginning I would not have learned about me, how dissociation was affecting me and my life and what I needed to do to take care of myself and my problems.

a friends healing path began with a traumatic accident. Her home burned down and she was in treatment for that when it was discovered she had DID so her process began differently than mine.

This friend has an alter that was the characteristics of a mountain lion. how her healing path felt to her was lots of ups and downs, violence, aggressive things she had to work through. she had this alter because she needed to be ruthless in order to survive being "sold" back and forth in a prostitution ring from being born in the prostitution ring that her mother was part of.

I did not have an alter with the characteristics of a lion. I had much calmer animalistic characters inside my alters. Which resulted in my healing path feeling much smoother than hers did for her. my alter Eagle gave me the speed and keen eyesight to be able to know when danger was coming and "take flight" so that I could get away from one of my abusers and if escape failed I could mentally "take flight" from the pain and abuse that was going on.

I had a sexual alter, this friend did not. there are many differences in my internal system than my friends so of course our healing from DID was also going to feel different.

my suggestion is to not worry so much about how it feels for others. instead notice how your own healing path feels for you. if you dont like how things are feeling for you and that things seem to getting worse if they do, then talk with your treatment providers, they can help you so that things continue to get better without feeling like things are getting worse.

healing from DID usually does not get worse or feel worse. its a situation where if a person gets triggered by something an alter takes control to handle that trigger.

like my treatment providers told me when I asked about this.... when you have no more alters taking control it means you have all that you need to handle that trigger on your own. you will know what to do and how to do it, just like any other normal person handles their triggers. he was right. though its hard and sometimes challenging,, I have in me everything I need to handle my own problems now because all the alters, everything that they were is now back together with me as one whole personality again.

Great idea, thanks. We prefer MPD because when we first saw DID written down, first reaction was...we DIDn't do anything. Younger ones, we were working with at the time, were feeling they were being blamed, were at fault. They obviously couldn't understand.

[QUOTE=Amyjay;63
That is exactly how it feels. Like your sleep example, can't find any reason for needing to be home. Something is going on but don't know & if someone knows they ain't telling. And things like depression just don't feel right. Can't say it's not but just doesn't feel right. My job is usually fixing things but if I can't figure out what it is, I can't fix it. I'm not good at *trusting the process*!!!!!! Perhaps as you said it's being fixed without me. My T suggests that home equates to safety. And safety is important to whatever is going on. I should just let them feel safe for as long as necessary. I want to argue that it is safe out there now. But I know he'll respond feeling & being are two different things! Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. It's comforting to think
there will be an other side. That this is not a stuck place.

[Amyjay]

[QUOTE=cavaliers;6336039]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

That is exactly how it feels. Like your sleep example, can't find any reason for needing to be home. Something is going on but don't know & if someone knows they ain't telling. And things like depression just don't feel right. Can't say it's not but just doesn't feel right. My job is usually fixing things but if I can't figure out what it is, I can't fix it. I'm not good at *trusting the process*!!!!!! Perhaps as you said it's being fixed without me. My T suggests that home equates to safety. And safety is important to whatever is going on. I should just let them feel safe for as long as necessary. I want to argue that it is safe out there now. But I know he'll respond feeling & being are two different things! Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. It's comforting to think
there will be an other side. That this is not a stuck place.

There will be another side. This is not a stuck place.
Those are some good words right there, needed for me for today!

[Amyjay]

I think quoting is broken.

[just2b]

The "feeling" vs "being" . So you aruge its safe now while other parts see it differently, what are you more inclined to give into? Me, the feeling all the time. I argue with parts, and it gets me further into a hole. Anyone find the balance? What have you noticed for either rationale? This is my top struggle. So much that in T sessions i shutdown because i am wrapped in the feeling of something that we were talking about or the story parts made up, that i cant open my mouth because parts are in chaos, and i most adult is no longer able to come forward. While i know it, doesnt change it. If that makes sense. ?

[MickeyCheeky]