Remembering the past me not

Nov 13, 2018 at 02:56 PM

My mother keeps reminiscing about when I was a kid up through high school and I barely have any fragments of memories of those times. Here’s a 70 year old person who is forgetful remembering tons of things with details and names from eons ago.

I feel defective.

Don’t get me totally wrong, every now and then I would get a snippet of a visual memory for a second or a “hey I know that” then gone again.

A lot of these multiples on Facebook groups have really good memories it seems like they know all their alters names, places, inner world construction, their past....and I lucky to remember this morning.

Just saying...this is just how I think (or lack of I suppose)- this is our normal.

MickeyCheeky · Nov 13, 2018 at 03:07 PM

((((AlwaysChanging2)))) I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's not your fault, though... but yes, I understand your frustration.

Amyjay · Nov 13, 2018 at 11:48 PM

It's not a good feeling, is it. I don't like to come face to face with our lack of memory like that. We avoid it as much as possible (by not being with people - ha!)

Nov 16, 2018 at 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amyjay

It's not a good feeling, is it. I don't like to come face to face with our lack of memory like that. We avoid it as much as possible (by not being with people - ha!)

We’ve spent the last lifetime apart from family and have no friends. Some of these parts are just going to have to deal with all this....not everyone is going to be pleased.

I’m just grateful that every bad moment quickly isolates and fades away in our mind.

The lack of memory part doesn’t really bother me, it’s hearing the stories of like it was us doing these things that she talks of....the disconnect, the unbelievable based on how we feel....

It’s not an all the time thing, I guess that she can see that it makes us uncomfortable....how bad it bothers us (she now knows about our multiplicity).

It all just ties in with the low self-esteem. It’s so scary hearing about the past when so comfortable in the present not remembering.

dlantern · Nov 16, 2018 at 11:55 AM

Seeking support is an important first step, and you are not alone

Nov 16, 2018 at 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dlantern

Seeking support is an important first step, and you are not alone

Thanks. Here in the US support costs money.

Gr3tta_0 · Nov 18, 2018 at 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

We’ve spent the last lifetime apart from family and have no friends. Some of these parts are just going to have to deal with all this....not everyone is going to be pleased.

I’m just grateful that every bad moment quickly isolates and fades away in our mind.

The lack of memory part doesn’t really bother me, it’s hearing the stories of like it was us doing these things that she talks of....the disconnect, the unbelievable based on how we feel....

It’s not an all the time thing, I guess that she can see that it makes us uncomfortable....how bad it bothers us (she now knows about our multiplicity).

It all just ties in with the low self-esteem. It’s so scary hearing about the past when so comfortable in the present not remembering.

I can't tell you how often I've argued and insisted "no i didn't, i wasn't there, i didn't go to that, that wasn't me," etc. etc. Now at least i know why, but it's still frustrating.
I don't know what specific fb group you're referring to because i don't use that site. But i just mean in general. For myself i try to never compare my life or my experiences to others. Different doesn't mean wrong, or bad, or worse, for myself or anyone else.
I hope you feel better soon!

Betty_Banana · Nov 18, 2018 at 12:07 PM

It wasn't until I was in therapy and diagnosed with DID that the whole lack of memories thing bothered me.I guess ignorance is bliss sometimes.

Before knowing,I guess i didn't really think twice about it.It was normal to not remember things.Not just the pst but things that were going on in the present.Like I went to a baby shower and afterwards my mom was telling me things I said and did while I was there and I didnt question it at all or even womder why she(or other people) would do that to begin with.I didn't know any different and that's just how life had always been for me.

But yeah,when you do know what your issue is,that it's DID,it's a whole different ballgame isn't it?

Hugs

Amyjay · Nov 18, 2018 at 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Betty_Banana

It wasn't until I was in therapy and diagnosed with DID that the whole lack of memories thing bothered me.I guess ignorance is bliss sometimes.

Before knowing,I guess i didn't really think twice about it.It was normal to not remember things.Not just the pst but things that were going on in the present.Like I went to a baby shower and afterwards my mom was telling me things I said and did while I was there and I didnt question it at all or even womder why she(or other people) would do that to begin with.I didn't know any different and that's just how life had always been for me.

But yeah,when you do know what your issue is,that it's DID,it's a whole different ballgame isn't it?

Hugs

Yes, exactly this! Once I knew those gaps in time were other parts of me that were acting without my control I felt so many, many emotions about it, none of them good. I felt betrayed by myself, embarrassed, ashamed, and so powerless. I also felt defenseless. When other people tell me I have done or said things I have absolutely no defense to offer them. I hate it so much.

Betty_Banana · Nov 18, 2018 at 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Yes, exactly this! Once I knew those gaps in time were other parts of me that were acting without my control I felt so many, many emotions about it, none of them good. I felt betrayed by myself, embarrassed, ashamed, and so powerless. I also felt defenseless. When other people tell me I have done or said things I have absolutely no defense to offer them. I hate it so much.

Reading that gave me anxiety because I felt the same way.I would actually lose sleep from thinking about it.

I still feel all those things now after full integration.Just knowing that's what was going on with me my whole life without even having awareness of it is still pretty humiliating tbh.And it's still hard to wrap my head around at times.

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MickeyCheeky Legendary Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Italy Posts: 11,817 (SuperPoster!) 7 38.4k hugs given	Nov 13, 2018 at 03:07 PM #2 ((((AlwaysChanging2)))) I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's not your fault, though... but yes, I understand your frustration.
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Amyjay Magnate Member Since Mar 2017 Location: Underground Posts: 2,439 7 692 hugs given	Nov 13, 2018 at 11:48 PM #3 It's not a good feeling, is it. I don't like to come face to face with our lack of memory like that. We avoid it as much as possible (by not being with people - ha!)
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dlantern Poohbah Member Since Feb 2017 Location: Logan Posts: 1,155 7 8 hugs given	Nov 16, 2018 at 11:55 AM #5 Seeking support is an important first step, and you are not alone
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