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Old 12-24-2018, 11:00 PM #1
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Default What do you say when...?

I can see how it is inevitable that people are going to look at DID as an excuse, etc..., but I'm growing very weary of trying to figure out how to deal with people who refuse to accept that I can't control it.


This week I had a therapist tells me, "You have to be more aware of your amnesia of your amnesia." I don't even understand that, other than one of the most moronic things I have ever heard. How do you reply to that?



I have a therapist who has told me that I have to record sessions so that when I get assignments I can't say that I don't remember them because, well, I don't - I must have been dissociating. So, I'm supposed to remember what I didn't remember so I remember to listen to the recording?


I get scoffed at any time I don't remember something. There is no consideration for my disorder. I certainly don't do it on purpose and I don't remember doing it. I always take responsibility for anything I said during those times, but I'm get so tired of being blamed for malicious intent when ever I have amnesia for an event.


How do you get people to understand that you don't do it on purpose, it isn't a convenient excuse, and that I have an actual disorder?


Frankly, I'm at a loss and want to tell them to shove their head up their **** orifice.



Have you found anything that works for you?
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Old 12-25-2018, 05:14 AM #2
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Default Re: What do you say when...?

I'm so sorry, Alden It sounds like your therapist isn't understanding at all of your condition. Perhaps it's time to change therapist? Maybe that could help. Can you afford it? Does this happen with other people as well? Either way, I'd say just ignore this kind of people and cut them out of your life if possible. You don't need more toxicity in their life, and if they can't get past your disorder and see how wonderful you are, it's their loss. Obviosuly it's not your fault this is happening and it sounds like you're trying your best. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 12-25-2018, 05:19 AM #3
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Default Re: What do you say when...?

our system name is " atlantis", and I'll never ever forget this guy adam who was talking to one of us

he was doing fine, and we got on to the subject of atlantis (the lost city, not the system name)

he turned round and said to me

"atlantis is fake. just like you are."

we were stunned (this guy didn't know at the time our system name was even atlantis)

we tried to explain afterwards, but he wouldn't listen so we just got really irate and asked him to leave.

then another time a lady called brook was so convinced we were making up excuses just so we could switch she actually pretended to be did too

this girl's perfectly fine, she just fakes other people's illnesses (she does it all the time)

and it's sad

so I'm saying I do understand the struggle
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Old 12-25-2018, 05:21 AM #4
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Default Re: What do you say when...?

when I switch, I tend to just pause what I'm doing (if people didn't know, they'd think I am ignoring them)

I call them "absences"

very miss understood, because it looks like I'm being rude, a lot of people don't get it
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Old 12-25-2018, 08:49 AM #5
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Default Re: What do you say when...?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alden View Post
I can see how it is inevitable that people are going to look at DID as an excuse, etc..., but I'm growing very weary of trying to figure out how to deal with people who refuse to accept that I can't control it.


This week I had a therapist tells me, "You have to be more aware of your amnesia of your amnesia." I don't even understand that, other than one of the most moronic things I have ever heard. How do you reply to that?



I have a therapist who has told me that I have to record sessions so that when I get assignments I can't say that I don't remember them because, well, I don't - I must have been dissociating. So, I'm supposed to remember what I didn't remember so I remember to listen to the recording?


I get scoffed at any time I don't remember something. There is no consideration for my disorder. I certainly don't do it on purpose and I don't remember doing it. I always take responsibility for anything I said during those times, but I'm get so tired of being blamed for malicious intent when ever I have amnesia for an event.


How do you get people to understand that you don't do it on purpose, it isn't a convenient excuse, and that I have an actual disorder?


Frankly, I'm at a loss and want to tell them to shove their head up their **** orifice.



Have you found anything that works for you?
Finding a new therapist may be difficult, scary or expensive, but you absolutely deserve a new one! Nobody in such a position should be saying these things to you - if they do, then they don't understand DID at all. I've had dismissive and gaslighting therapists before, and it makes me angry to think of how I was taken advantage of by them - as well as them taking my limited money too. All of you deserves better. I hope you can find one that treats you with respect.
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Old 12-25-2018, 10:28 AM #6
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Default Re: What do you say when...?

when my therapist said I had to be aware of my amnesia, aware of my amnesia the second phrase was for emphasis...

example ...

"you have to be aware of your amnesia", then stressing that its my amnesia so I must know when its happening.

with DID people do and are aware of their amnesia. they know when they have forgotten something, they may not know the content of what they have forgotten...

When I asked my treatment provider to explain what she meant she said she wanted to see if I really understood what having DID was or if I was gathering information from the internet and fitting myself in the basket of what DID is on the internet. (which is very very different) she wanted my own words not the wording I was finding on the internet of what DID people are supposed to say, think and do.

anytime you dont understand what your therapist is asking it is ok to say you dont understand what they mean and ask them to explain.

now for a bit of information that will help you to be able to answer your therapists question with out me telling you any examples that may affect how and what you tell your therapist. she wants your words and what and how you have dissociative amnesia not mine...

Dissociative amnesia is a special kind of forgetfulness. its not about forgetting your keys or books, or whether you did the dishes or laundry or whether you forgot that you watched a favorite tv program.

the kind of amnesia that comes with having DID happens when a person is triggered by something and they have their dissociation symptoms. this being triggered and having dissociation symptoms is so severe that the person switches into being their alters.

a person with DID doesnt totally forget things like a person does when they get hit in the head. with DID everything is still there just that the alters are the ones that remember what you have forgotten.

example (making up something here so that my real situations dont influence you one way or the other, Im going to use a common not triggering thing)

if I had an alter named Yellow, and what made me switch into being Yellow was eating candy...

Im walking down the street and see a box of chocolates. this triggers me so bad that I feel my dissociation symptoms, this causes me to switch into being Yellow. I have no idea what is going on while yellow is in control. all I know is when I look around no longer being yellow I am no where near that box of chocolate..

how did I get away from that box of chocolate, why am I sitting in a taxi, why is by purse open and how much did the taxi driver just say I owed them. last thing I remember is walking down the side walk.

I am aware that I have forgotten all this.. dont even know what it was that triggered this switch or that I was an alter.

the content that I can not remember is part of Yellows memories not mine. its not totally gone from my brain just stored in my unconsciousness.

when i understood what my therapist was asking... she could keep a chart on my dissociative amnesia and when I switched into my alters during my therapy sessions she could find out what I could not remember....when I switched into Yellow, she and Yellow could talk about that box of chocolate, how and why it triggered me, how and why I was in the taxi....

see what I mean your treatment provider wants you to tell her in your own words about your dissociative amnesia.

A person with DID doesnt just say....."I have amnesia" then leave it at that. and a therapist doesnt hear a person say "I have amnesia" and leave it at that.

in therapy when a person says "I have amnesia" they are able to explain what they mean when they say it

in therapy it is a therapists job to ask the person saying they have amnesia to explain about their amnesia.

DID people can do that. even people with the physical form of amnesia can explain what their amnesia is like and when it happens.

my suggestion is any time you discovered you are having amnesia problem write it down. write down what triggered it, what you were doing when it happened. then when you switch into your alters your treatment provider can find out more information and then you all will make a treatment plan on how to fix that.
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Old 12-25-2018, 11:59 AM #7
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Default Re: What do you say when...?

I've only had a few times where I've experienced 'amnesia' (I'm more DDNOS than DID), but it was horrifying. It REALLY scared me. I'm not sure you can ever get anyone to understand this. My ex-mother-in-law used to say that mental illness was just people trying to get out of working. Seriously, she said that. That's the ignorance that surrounds us.

My battle has always been about internal acceptance of this. I rebel against the parts, and I assume my T thinks I'm making this up (probably projection?) I read about a lot of you using the pronoun 'we'; I have discrete parts that are very defined, but I never feel like a 'we'. Maybe that's related to DDNOS, and maybe not seeing this as a 'we' is about the inner rejection?

Back on thread....I throw my vote in to consider a new T.

Alden, I take your disorder seriously, as I do all of you here (internally and externally!) Just remember that while others may dismiss your experiences, none of us here do.
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Old 12-25-2018, 12:47 PM #8
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Yes...I would drop a therapist for scoffing and constantly being made to feel invalid...I can get that for free anywhere.

I can understand the need for a recorder in meetings and appointments, Iíve often thought about that one myself due to a bad memory and the blanks.

Half the time most of everything I say is a blur and I canít remember what was said by this mouth. I donít even recognize my own voice.

It sounds like your T is frustrated and has lost patience with you and is reaching her limits. Instead of her taking charge like actually recording your sessions and giving it to you, sheís just expecting you to take the initiative and being a bleep when it wasnít done. Her actions are highly inappropriate and method leaves a lot to be desired.

This nothing on you....itís all her.
Find you a better T.

Last edited by Anonymous48690; 12-25-2018 at 12:59 PM.
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Old 12-25-2018, 06:06 PM #9
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Default Re: What do you say when...?

I tell people I have memory problems from a car accident.
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Old 12-25-2018, 09:18 PM #10
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Default Re: What do you say when...?

Quote:
Originally Posted by amandalouise View Post
when my therapist said I had to be aware of my amnesia, aware of my amnesia the second phrase was for emphasis...

example ...

"you have to be aware of your amnesia", then stressing that its my amnesia so I must know when its happening.

with DID people do and are aware of their amnesia. they know when they have forgotten something, they may not know the content of what they have forgotten...

When I asked my treatment provider to explain what she meant she said she wanted to see if I really understood what having DID was or if I was gathering information from the internet and fitting myself in the basket of what DID is on the internet. (which is very very different) she wanted my own words not the wording I was finding on the internet of what DID people are supposed to say, think and do.

anytime you dont understand what your therapist is asking it is ok to say you dont understand what they mean and ask them to explain.

now for a bit of information that will help you to be able to answer your therapists question with out me telling you any examples that may affect how and what you tell your therapist. she wants your words and what and how you have dissociative amnesia not mine...

Dissociative amnesia is a special kind of forgetfulness. its not about forgetting your keys or books, or whether you did the dishes or laundry or whether you forgot that you watched a favorite tv program.

the kind of amnesia that comes with having DID happens when a person is triggered by something and they have their dissociation symptoms. this being triggered and having dissociation symptoms is so severe that the person switches into being their alters.

a person with DID doesnt totally forget things like a person does when they get hit in the head. with DID everything is still there just that the alters are the ones that remember what you have forgotten.

example (making up something here so that my real situations dont influence you one way or the other, Im going to use a common not triggering thing)

if I had an alter named Yellow, and what made me switch into being Yellow was eating candy...

Im walking down the street and see a box of chocolates. this triggers me so bad that I feel my dissociation symptoms, this causes me to switch into being Yellow. I have no idea what is going on while yellow is in control. all I know is when I look around no longer being yellow I am no where near that box of chocolate..

how did I get away from that box of chocolate, why am I sitting in a taxi, why is by purse open and how much did the taxi driver just say I owed them. last thing I remember is walking down the side walk.

I am aware that I have forgotten all this.. dont even know what it was that triggered this switch or that I was an alter.

the content that I can not remember is part of Yellows memories not mine. its not totally gone from my brain just stored in my unconsciousness.

when i understood what my therapist was asking... she could keep a chart on my dissociative amnesia and when I switched into my alters during my therapy sessions she could find out what I could not remember....when I switched into Yellow, she and Yellow could talk about that box of chocolate, how and why it triggered me, how and why I was in the taxi....

see what I mean your treatment provider wants you to tell her in your own words about your dissociative amnesia.

A person with DID doesnt just say....."I have amnesia" then leave it at that. and a therapist doesnt hear a person say "I have amnesia" and leave it at that.

in therapy when a person says "I have amnesia" they are able to explain what they mean when they say it

in therapy it is a therapists job to ask the person saying they have amnesia to explain about their amnesia.

DID people can do that. even people with the physical form of amnesia can explain what their amnesia is like and when it happens.

my suggestion is any time you discovered you are having amnesia problem write it down. write down what triggered it, what you were doing when it happened. then when you switch into your alters your treatment provider can find out more information and then you all will make a treatment plan on how to fix that.

That is an interesting perspective, unfortunately not mine 95% of the time. When I don't remember something (which is rare) I literally don't remember and I will argue until the hard facts are put in front of me showing me what people are saying I did I did.


I don't have a memory or my amnesia and things blend right back together as if nothing has happened.


I can be co-conscious and not necessarily have control or total control, but I'm still aware. There are instances where I'm aware due to physical cues or things I've written that I don't recall writing. But when I have amnesia of an event happening I literally have no recollection whatsoever.


I was first diagnosed with DID-NOS in 1996. I have years I don't remember and I have recently been able to find medical records where there are three therapists I don't remember seeing even though I can find their pictures on their websites and I have over 100 pages of their notes. No memory of any kind at all. Nothing. All I have is their notes of what I said in session.


One session note talks about a wedding I went to. I have no idea whose wedding it was. Nothing. Nada.


So, I understand the type of amnesia you are talking about, and that isn't the kind that frustrates my therapists. I don't call that amnesia; I call that losing time. I know that is just semantics, but that is how I differentiate between the two.


Since I've attempted to have well thought out conversations with both of my therapists using what I learned in DBT and it isn't helping, I think I'm going to have to gather the confidence to fire both of my therapists this week.


I'm objectively getting worse under their care and think you all have confirmed that they have simply had enough of me and it is coming out in the things they are saying to me.

Last edited by Alden; 12-25-2018 at 09:40 PM.
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