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Old 01-14-2019, 03:38 PM #1
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Default Need help dealing with family members

We have let our family know we have DID, but have never told about parental or other types of family abuse because they are all much older and either had different experiences from us or have a lot of denial.
We talked in another section about how disclosing this info may be too traumatic or difficult for our siblings.
But we do need suggestions for how to cope with hearing frequently how great our parents were or how great our childhoods were. This can be triggering or upsetting to many of us. Younger or vulnerable alters can start to feel their own experiences werenít real or donít matter, or they donít matter. That can add to our depression. Also we often get anxious that an alter will accidentally or on purpose say something negative about parents without the rest of us knowing.
Thank you for any feedback.
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Old 01-14-2019, 04:20 PM #2
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Default Re: Need help dealing with family members

Hmm. I understand this dilemma. Our response is to run away. Not literally, I just mean not be around those people who repeatedly idolize the abusers. Ours are very prominent community members, our father has won citizenry awards for his many contributions to the city.

One thing that springs to mind that we use apparently is to validate those younger ones ourselves, and to reassure them that people just don't know what went on behind closed doors. What other people think about the abusers isn't a reflection of the validity of our experience but a reflection of the level of deception and manipulation the abusers used in order to keep the abuse hidden. They did a really good job. But we know the truth and the abusers know the truth too. Those other people who speak well of the parents... its not their fault, they just don't know.

Oh, another thing that just sprang to mind is we liketo imagine their reaction if we told them about the things the parents did (especially if we imagine showing them a video of some of the things that happened! They would be disgusted and revolted and scornful. They would see the parents for the monsters that they are and they would know.

I am interested in hearing how other people deal with this.
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Old 01-15-2019, 09:46 AM #3
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Default Re: Need help dealing with family members

My therapist suggested that when my siblings talked about the past or about our parents that I tell them I didn't want to talk about it/them and change the subject.He said if I was talking on the phone to make it clear to whoever I was talking to and keep reminding them and if they kept doing it find an excuse to hang up.If it was in person,remind them and if it continued then walk away or find an excuse to leave.I tried to do that but it didn't really work.One sibling would continue doing it no matter how many times I reminded her.Sometimes during phone conversations I had to remind her 5 times.I finally gave up and cut her out of my life.

Things would get very chaotic and unstable being around and talking to family members and I didn't realize just how destructive and triggering they all were until my therapist helped me see it.Whenever I had contact with them I had lost time,it was hard to function,I had problems in every area of my life including my job.Setting boundaries with them was a necessity and something I had to try and stick to.

Even now,after integration,I limit my contact and avoid those conversations.It's still all so triggering and destructive for me and instantly causes PTSD symptoms for me.

You sure were brave to let your family know about the DID.I never told my family.I can't imagine how much worse it had been if I would have.My suggestion is you might want to try setting boundaries and telling people you don't want to talk about childhood or your parents and do what you have to do in order to take care of yourself.
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