UnDIDish?

I’ll admit..2-3 times in a lifetime I’ve had these things that I called time jumps... but I thought it was surprisingly normal, but for the most part...I demand ulterior control and will make it so even if Others take control.

At least this keeps us consistent at best but 1/2 not.

I truly wish that I was fictitious and faking, but it just doesn’t fit.

Forgive me for being ...I don’t know...fakish I guess?

I just can’t help to feel that being here isn’t qualify able according to true specs of said condition.

I really think that I must look else where such as OSDD OR psychosis as a more relevant condition because idk..,I am not the classic DID..I alone is by myself forever I was.

Just by saying that gives me more firmness in me being me.

I dont think it matters. You still have Alters.

It turns out that "classic DID" is made up of a mixture of degrees of co-consciousness, rather than being textbook all or nothing, in terms of amnesia. I suppose it depends on so many different factors, including how many reminders of abuse there are/were in day to day life. Like if your abuse was not committed by immediate family members and only happened for a discrete period of time it would make perfect sense for alters to be more discrete and separate, and to have all aspects of abuse and associated alters completely separated from day to day life (ie full amnesia for all dissociated alters). That would have enabled the primary self state to develop and grow without the apparent effects of the trauma.

But if your abuse was a part of your every day life day after day for years on end and was perpetrated by the people you depend upon for survival, its a different thing all together. It would be impossible for some alters to be completely separate from conscious awareness all of the time. I live with this kind of DID, where there has always been degrees of alters who deal with aspects of abuse and/or daily life, and with whom overlap between dealing with life and dealing with abuse was a necessity of survival. There was never any one single self-state that had enough experience to be called "the self". Why? Because the threat of abuse was constantly present. We had to be constantly on guard to protect ourselves as much as we possibly could, while also trying to just be normal and live. There's a lot of overlap there. Our daily life parts and certainly all attachment parts were always primed to defend against abuse. It is not "less" DID. It is DID with the varying degrees of coconsciousness that were needed to be to get through.

I'm reading a few books about healing from DID at the moment and pretty much all of them say that the classic presentation of DID (with full overt switching and amnesia) throws many therapists off the scent... that the most common presentation of DID is with very subtle switching and the blending of parts instead.

I really don't believe there's "classic" DID but rather some classic movies that have made people believe there is.

18 years of being on guard.... scared of the next moment, secrecy was tantamount...it was like living in a bomb zone and was shell shocked well into the years.

I’ve posted much about this.... and yet still it doesn’t seem like it was all that bad.

I can’t help to feel that I’m making a mountain out of mole hill...as usual. I hate seeing the doctors because they look at me like it isn’t that bad...so I basically never go to the doctors...and when I finally do...then the same.

So, just time to shut up and sign off to quit putting my foot in it as par. Life just doesn’t make sense.

AlwaysChanging2, I think it's probably common to minimize abuse even without a dissociative disorder.I'm assuming it's more common and easier to do with one.

I wasn't even aware some of the things I went through were abuse.My therapist would repeat back to me what I was telling him so I could realize how bad they were by hearing him say it.

You may feel you're making a mountain out of a molehill but I really doubt you are

Maybe the evidence of "how bad it was" can be found in the legacy it left behind. From all the things you have you have written you have that evidence running throughout every single aspect of your life. When I question the same thing my t tells me "Amy, THIS is trauma. What is happening right here, right now, in this room and in your life, is trauma. THIS is what trauma does."

THIS is how bad it was, AC. Maybe its not so much making a mountain out of a molehill as the struggle to make sense/a life/normality out of chronic and unrelenting trauma.

my opinion is there is no "classic DID" as in everyone is the same way. yes it is true that everyone must meet the same diagnostics in order to be officially "labeled" DID. but how each persons system of alters is set up is how ever each person with the disorder needed in order to survive....

if you feel you dont fit the disorder's diagnostics anymore you can ask your treatment providers for a new psychiatric evaluation. it is very possible to have DID and then be down graded to one or more of the other dissociative disorders as a person heals.

the OSDD that you are thinking of looking into... please keep in mind that what you find on the internet and in books does not contain the complete information about that disorder. this disorder is like a category by itself. there are dissociative disorder labels that go with each description, and other accompanying symptoms/ problems that are not listed. you will not know which of the OSDD disorders you fit into until a treatment provider officially diagnoses you with this.... when you get the diagnosis it will have the words "OSDD - ________" the space is where a treatment provider must name on the files and tell you directly which OSDD disorder you have. thats what OSDD means... a treatment provider is diagnosing you with a dissociative disorder other than the other listed dissociative disorders that are public and they have to disclose (specify) what it is from the private listing that they have for this disorder category.

my point is checking into OSDD is not something you can do alone, you are going to need your treatment providers help for this, because much of it is coded treatment providers information only. you will need to go through a formal diagnosis process for this.

There is an association with psychosis and having been abused. Many people who develop schizophrenia experienced abuse as children.

I'm not trying to diagnose you. Just putting it out there. I don't think anyone can assess whether you have DID or something else over the internet. Certain people experience psychosis that could be mistaken for DID.

My experience doesn’t fit in the classic DID model with my lack of recurring amnesia or time loss, but I definitely have alters who take control in daily life, and I haven’t always been the one up front most of the time. So, I’ve placed myself on the DDNOS side of DID. Looking at dissociative disorders as a spectrum has been helpful in reconciling the cognitive dissonance that comes from a poor clinical definition. And really after all of it, the definition and it’s poor fit doesn’t change any of my day to day experience, at least now.
Thank you for posting. It’s nice to know DID isn’t just a list of symptoms on paper, but actual people with a range of experiences, and many that I can relate to.

something you may not be aware of...

though the internet still has the diagnosis label and criteria for a disorder called DDNOS...

back in 2013 this was discontinued around the whole world. there is no longer any diagnosis label called DDNOS anywhere in the world now...

not saying your problems dont exist. just what you are finding on the internet now about DDNOS will actually get you diagnosed with things like schizophrenia, and other psychotic disorders. not a dissociative disorder.

this is why I caution people when I see they are trying to diagnose and fit their self into mental disorder diagnosis's through self diagnosis.

what is on the internet and in books and movies is out there forever. it does not take into consideration that the world changes its definitions, diagnostics and labels. symptoms and so on every so many years, and also doesnt take into consideration that treatment providers get constantly updated through a system of supplemental updates which further makes changes to definitions, diagnostics, mental disorder labeling/ grouping and so on...

by todays standards by self diagnosing your self with DDNOS what you are actually diagnosing yourself with now is a psychotic disorder in the schizophrenic groupings and bipolar disorder with psychotic features.

here is a listing what the present dissociative disorders are now in the world....

Dissociative Identity Disorder
Dissociative Amnesia
Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder
Other Specified Dissociative Disorder
Unspecified Dissociative Disorder

a few european locations also include conversion disorder in this group

but most around the world now consider conversion disorder to be a somatic disorder not a dissociative disorder.

short version on why the world gave up the DDNOS labeling and diagnostics is because it became a general fishbowl of people getting thrown into the bowl every time their treatment providers could not match them with an actual disorder. it was a catch all for those pretending to be dissociative disordered and those that really were but had only mild cases. the world decided to get rid of the fishbowls of lopping everyone into NOS categories and disorders and and actually take the time and energy needed to diagnose accurately.

some of the DDNOS diagnostics were added to other disorders and some stayed in the dissociative disorders grouping. some DDNOS symotoms got scattered around in carious disorders and some stayed in the dissociative disorders category. then new diagnosis disorder labels were created for every grouping/ category of mental disorders.

Again Im not saying your problems dont exist just that you have self diagnosed yourself with a disorder labeling and diagnostics that no longer exist in the way you may mean it to be.

my point if you are going to self diagnose you might want to have the correct disorders to look into / research rather than accidentally diagnosing yourself as a dissociative disorder and then your treatment provider telling you, you have schizohrenia type and bipolar type disorders. I had that happen to a relative who thought DDNOS diagnostics and labeling still existed. it was not a good outcome.

here is where you can find a complete listing of what mental disorders the world now goes by for recognized mental disorders........

re american recognized mental disorders

again please be very careful when it comes to self diagnosing. there is information that is not public, that only treatment providers have. what you may be diagnosing yourself with may end up being something completely different.

self diagnosing will give you a place to start but it wont ensure you actually have that disorder.

I’ve been staring at the title of this thread for days not wanting to click it to unveil its contents...and now I have.

Being informed and in understanding of the criteria’s requirements for alternate personalities...we definitely are over qualified for such an existence.

I really don’t know what else to say but let’s put a password on this account?

Signing off.