The triggery ball and chain (rambling so beware)

Last night we went to get another 6 pack (already drank one) and opened the first beer of it. Moments later there was just one left and a text miles long between us and the kid that I don’t remember typing and isn’t my style.

We are the consummate drinker and still can over do it, but this is normal for this body. It’s coming to me, The kid has got into a lot of trouble and was babbling over fighting with a girl attacking him over her friend stealing money out of his wallet, now the girls dad wants to hurt him and that triggered one of the guys out to work the situation.

You can say we blacked out, but this isn’t the same....but yet is.

Our son is a major trigger in our life that we must endure causing us to look like a crazy person. All through the years we tried to nurture him, teach him, make himself self-reliant.

We have failed- we can’t even control ourselves with the vast variety of opinions and approaches.

We co-signed a car for him a half a year ago and it turns out that they, unbeknownst to me, put the car in our name. Now we are getting tickets in the mail and our son is not making the payments on time. We told them that since it’s in our name, we are going to give the car back to the finance company...but inwardly everyone of course has their own opinions on the matter like always.

A lifetime of inner confusion and conflicts and outwardly actions is overwhelming so much that stress and all of this is driving up my blood pressure so much that my chest hurts at times and my blood vessels feel like they are going to explode with each heartbeat.

He just started going to school and working which is a good thing, but now he is complaining about being stressed out for time leaving us to wonder when all this ends. He is hard headed and won’t sit still for a minute. I don’t know if trade school in HVAC is going to work out because he’s mathematically inhibited.

He is our ball and chain that just won’t move on. He says he isn’t moving because he doesn’t make money like us (we work 6 days a week) which has got our collective eyes rolling.

Not being able to control our life and being influenced by this unsolvable situation is stressing us out. We can’t seem to agree to agree...everyone does their own thing when present as if they know what to do if not better. A lot of the time one part doesn’t know what another part has said or done. We are always in conflict which outwardly makes us look inconsistent of which is no way to raise a child of whom has grown to and learned how to take advantage of it.

Inside we can argue with each other or take advice, but the memory goes when the part present switches out. Our system seems so unique in makeup and operation that even in like groups we feel alone.

We switch between groups of parts that work on certain tasks it seems, especially when other people are involved. But it’s Sunday morning relaxing and drinking coffee...it’s just me until I set this phone down or the next moment whatever it is in the future.

The way we function to me is clear as day at the moment, but I only am this way till another part takes over and I become them...which is the weird part. It’s like when switches happen, things change, some memories may overlap but mostly stays with the part which begs the question.... who or how am I?

Like right now I’m me..and who is me? I am always conscience but never in physical control. Something has just changed, like the one present has mentally stepped back and I’m in control but not physically. I can hear her calling me silly in head.

All right, enough of that, mother has cooked pancakes and I’m going to try me some. I can ramble on and on, but won’t have the timeout to do so.

Ta ta.