names

Is it really possible to have "others" that present with no names or no care for names?

How can you detect such a thing if there is no desire to be detected?

Im a little scared that i will not beable to get my life together and succumb to the sad fate of defeat due to ... whatever i am or is happening to me..

Definitely have tried to educate myself on things but its not seeming to help me gain control over my .. inside, me?
I have grown a lot and accomplished a lot of things but its not sustainable it seems..
I lose grip, power, things change, and seems like as i created the success, too am i destroying it

I just want it to stop so i can succeed with my goals...
To get and keep priorities on top...

Then feel like im searching for an excuse, that its all my fault and nothing is wrong with me besides like being stuck in victim role..?

But im trying so hard and want to succeed more than anything so how could i just be lazy or self destructive sabotaging myself?


I wish i knew how to just ignore it, turn it off, so that i can be a robot atleast through work so i can have income and get my own home

my suggestion is talk with your treatment providers. they are the ones that diagnosed you with bpd instead of dissociative disorders so they would be the ones to talk to about who and what your alters and voices are and why they have or dont have names and why they are not detectable to you.

I just want it to get better and to stpp being so different and beable to work and have a life...

I hate what i am
i dont hate myself... just dont like this one bit...


Im tired, so tired... like i just cant move exhausted kind of tired
at times i dont have energy to get out of bed to use the bathroom or eat/drink or talk...


How is someone supposed to have a job and other responsibilities like this..?



I guess i have to try force myself to call them, i just dont want even to think about this stuff anymore...
Much less talk about it and try to explain stupid things

but i have no choice do i...? 😢

Does it help if I tell you I feel the same? The chronic anxiety just sucks all energy for life away. I hate what I've become, and I'm ashamed for anyone to know what I am.

Your things aren't stupid, they're complicated and confusing and painful.

I don't have names, either, and that really confuses me a lot. I just know who I am at the time, but it's still me, but it's not.

I'm very curious about how others define themselves and names.

We parts grew up without names because as a system we cared not of recognition....but of survival. A few of us have names to suit....but names are moot and only special to those that have them....most do not.

In our system, because we grew up and nobody called us a name but by the body’s name...as much as we don’t like it... it’s what we responded too because it is. Any name beyond that for us would be a personal part preference.

I'm so sorry, elevatedsoul Please don't give up. I know things seem pretty hard right now, but trust me when I say that they can get better. I hope you'll feel better soon. Try to hang on. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. I believe in you. Remember that we're here for you. Keep writing here if it helps. I'm here fo you as well. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Sending many hugs to you

Thanks

I'm just feeling a bit stuck with a paradoxical type problem...
Such as;
The only way i can start to get better is by moving away from these people and having my own house, job, life ... but seem to have the issue where i cant accomplish that until i get better

You know? Becomes easy to feel hopeless and fruitless.

But i am trying... im just stressed to the max.. trying to manage alooot of things... not only events and scenarios, but thoughts, emotions, feelings .. fighting with myself to keep the specific "set" of ideas up front that can get me out of this place but it easily withdraws leaving me empty and scared pushing me toward the not so good coping techniques



I just dunno how to manage this all
time management is near impossible... i seem to be my own worst enemy, most important care giver, the one that will destroy all my efforts while encouraging myself to keep trying .. its not fair..

At 18 I walked out the front door and never looked back. I adapted and struggled and survived. I didn’t care about a comfort level because that is just a tether. Being free is free...sleeping in a tent, sharing a room to sharing an apartment to being a sub family to being married to now look in the mirror and say thank God I made it here...how?

It took us 35 years...not bad being we didn’t aspire to be rich, but alive.

But it like i cant
i too weak

I feel like im stuck in sludge with the body
everything is heavy and slowed
tensions...





Wonder what is the point some times...
No one will ever know me because i guess i am more...
Not knowing mysrlf

I know prognosisis not good..

As someone on my journey to find self it ultimately it is correct to remain hidden until a few set of factors are certain in your life. There is dangers that present and that is most important especially if the triggers are to remain and there is no escape in your environments. It is best to console those ones that want to remain hidden, validate when you can . I would definitely negotiate, so basically read and reread the section on emergencies and apply that to your life unless you got unlimited amounts of money because dissociation is wasteful.

You're not weak, elevatedsoul! You're stornger than you think. Please don't give up. You've got this. Remember that we're here for you yo support you. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'm always available if you need to talk. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

Thanks


I know im not weak.. it just feels that way sometimes? I know that if the people in my life were to experience what i do daily they would collapse within a few days... but it doesnt make me dislike what im going through any less



I know how often certain questions arise...
But i feel like it is not psychosis...


Something really big is really not quite right with me....
Its getting bad, much much more pronounced...
And i dont know how much my psyche can handle before i really do lose it and find psychosis...?

I am feeling really quite repulsed and embarrassed by my seemingly contradictory mental states...

Switching from one to another between eye blinks so fast back and forth sometimes seeming to hold both views concurrently...?

This disorienting feeling is possibly worse than the anxiety and depression combined..

As i cant recognize what i really am anymore or if i even have feelings, that perhaps what i thought were my feelings are just emotional flashbacks unrelated to any of me..


Definitely know that im being destroyed and if i dont get a handle im not going to succeed...

Just finding myself wanting to hide and isolate as feels like its not my life anymore and just something inside of me being too out going and friendly making too many friends and leaving me scared because i dunno how its happening or understand why people would want to be my friend and scared that ill just have a lot of **** to deal with and cleanup if they find out im not normal...

Im not fake... i just cant seem to control my beliefs and thoughts you know...?

I hate this ..

Is it possible that i am dieing slowly from a disease that is silently corroding and eating my brain away till i fall into a catatonic permanent state..?

I'm so sorry, elevatedsoul Please don't give up. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. I believe in you. We're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'm always available if you need to talk. Sending many hugs to you

I feel like on some level i understand
but also dont?

That perhaps sometimes its best to only function at minimal capacity...
Maybe the mind has decided the only escape and route to a content safe life is this.

But it doesnt feel good
highly aware of my deficits.. that, much is missing or shut off completely
????

Just too much confusion, i know how to fix it... but sudden fear strikes and i am not able to follow through..

Need to get a job i can manage and make enough to have absolute independence so i can straighten the mess inside of me up without relying on anyone or needing anything from anyone 😖

Think only then my mind be unlocked ..

You know, working, having a goal and something to take up time does wonders...it takes the focus off of self giving a period of mental relief by spending your energies else where. I work 6 days a week which takes up a lot of time plus the hours before and after work and sleeping which leaves only a few hours to fret, but then with a beer buzz I don’t do much self-examining.

So in short, working is a positive multi fold, you get mental relief and money.

Working is a great idea, elevatedsoul! Setting goals for ourselves is very important. Also you'd make some money and become more indipendent. I'd suggest to go for it if you can. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you