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Old 02-11-2019, 11:09 AM   #1
Parva
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Default Public Abuse - trigger warning

Yesterday I saw a little boy get abused in the mall. He might have been 10? He was sitting on one of those benches and his father was screaming in his face, like touching foreheads. "Why do you keep doing this to me? Why do you keep doing this?" Screaming at the top of his lungs. The boy is cowering with his arms over his face, and then the guy slaps the kid in the face, and screams "Get up! Stop acting like that and get up"

What was I supposed to do? I almost assaulted him. But what good would that have done? Made it worse for the kid. It was so horrible and I'm so ashamed that I didn't do anything, but I didn't know what to do. He was so out of control that it would have escalated. But now that kid is home with that piece of **** and no one did anything. I'll live with that for a long time.

To that little boy - I'm so sorry I failed you.
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Old 02-11-2019, 11:33 AM   #2
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Default Re: Public Abuse - trigger warning

I dont know what to do in these situations. I know that someone who bullies a child probably has no issue bullying an adult so I would be scared that the parent would attack anyone that intervened.
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Old 02-11-2019, 12:43 PM   #3
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Default Re: Public Abuse - trigger warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Parva View Post
Yesterday I saw a little boy get abused in the mall. He might have been 10? He was sitting on one of those benches and his father was screaming in his face, like touching foreheads. "Why do you keep doing this to me? Why do you keep doing this?" Screaming at the top of his lungs. The boy is cowering with his arms over his face, and then the guy slaps the kid in the face, and screams "Get up! Stop acting like that and get up"

What was I supposed to do? I almost assaulted him. But what good would that have done? Made it worse for the kid. It was so horrible and I'm so ashamed that I didn't do anything, but I didn't know what to do. He was so out of control that it would have escalated. But now that kid is home with that piece of **** and no one did anything. I'll live with that for a long time.

To that little boy - I'm so sorry I failed you.
please dont feel you failed him, its always hard to know what to do in this situation. what most people do these days is pull out their cell phones and video it and post it on facebook. I am glad you did not do that heres what I do when i see a situation that does not sit well with me...

I look around to see if there are any mall security around. (usually they are there nearby dealing with another situation) I go to them and say...

Im not sure whats going on over there but could you please go make sure that child is ok. Where can I find your security office where they can download what I have on my cellphone about this. then I go to the security office tell them what time the situation happened so that they can isolate their security footage of the situation so that they can isolate the footage.

malls always have security camera's and people behind doors monitoring the camera's. most likely what happened was mall security were on their way or calling the police already.

another thing sometimes when this happens in my city it turns out to be one of those how would you react drills. you know like how schools have fire drills and shooter drills. malls do training of their security officers too by activating drills. what you may have witnessed may have been a live training exercise for their employees.

drill or no drill if no store employees reacted and stepped in Im guessing some employees are in some deep trouble for not doing their jobs.

my suggestion is contact your local police department, tell them what day and times you were at the mall, what you witnessed and they can go to the mall, look at the security footage and take appropriate action.
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Old 02-11-2019, 01:09 PM   #4
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Horrible I have no words
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Old 02-11-2019, 02:21 PM   #5
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Default Re: Public Abuse - trigger warning

I'm so sorry, Parva What you saw was indeed terrible and I imagine it must have been terrible for you as well to see. Please don't be so hard on yourself. It's good that you wanted to help your kid, but remember that it's not your job to do that! That's a job for the police and whoever is responsable for others' safety. I agree with amandalouise. What you can do as a normal citizen is to call the police, the security or whoever is there to protect us and talk to them about this. It is their job to do that, after all. Some people can be very dangerous and you have to stay safe as well, after all. Please don't feel guilty about this. I'm sure many people wouldn't know how to react in a similar situation. You did nothing wrong. Perhaps next time you'll know what to do! I think it says a lot about you that you care so much about other people. You're a wonderful person. Be proud of yourself for that. I hope you'll feel better soon. I'm so sorry, please don't give up. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 02-11-2019, 02:45 PM   #6
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Default Re: Public Abuse - trigger warning

I'm sure that it depends where you live, but I have a mad technique for dealing with this. I go up to the adult very very politely, and say, "Excuse me, is everything/ are you/ ok?"

Usually what happens is a moment of utter astonishment, and then the adult starts unloading all of his/ her problems onto me and completely forgets the child. Then I walk down the street a short way with them both.

It came to me because a friend from Sierra Leone told me that her people always intervene if a child is being scolded.

Probably I'm just a weird person or I live in a relatively safe neighbourhood: you do have to "act" genuinely concerned despite your own emotional reactions. It seems to, at least temporarily, deflect all that emotional angst from being offloaded on the child.
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Old 02-11-2019, 03:48 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saidso View Post
I'm sure that it depends where you live, but I have a mad technique for dealing with this. I go up to the adult very very politely, and say, "Excuse me, is everything/ are you/ ok?"

Usually what happens is a moment of utter astonishment, and then the adult starts unloading all of his/ her problems onto me and completely forgets the child. Then I walk down the street a short way with them both.

It came to me because a friend from Sierra Leone told me that her people always intervene if a child is being scolded.

Probably I'm just a weird person or I live in a relatively safe neighbourhood: you do have to "act" genuinely concerned despite your own emotional reactions. It seems to, at least temporarily, deflect all that emotional angst from being offloaded on the child.
here in the USA its not the best thing to do (walking up to strangers who are acting out aggressively and abusively)

here police go into schools and colleges and community events and teach never to place yourself in a position of danger. never try to interject yourself into a domestic (family) violence or child abuse situation. we have just every day people who have permits to carry concealed weapons (guns knives and such). its one of american constitutional rights to bear arms kind of thing.

if a person is acting out agressively with a child they have obviously lost control of their emotions and temper. this can lead to the aggressive person pulling out a weapon and going after not only the child but also all bystanders around.

plus if a person is acting out aggressively in public against a child what is that person doing behind closed doors of their home? many times when strangers interfere here in america the abuser appears calm in public then takes it out of the child or others in the home. a situation of they may have been able to stop me out at the store but what I do here in my home is my business and now you are going to get it worse because I had time to wait and stew about it kind of thing.

here they teach in schools, colleges and domestic violence/ crisis centers to never put your self in a position of danger where you can end up on the receiving end. the good intended help my result in your own death and making it worse on the child. to instead document then report to the proper authorities.

please be careful of putting yourself in danger like this.
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Old 02-12-2019, 07:06 AM   #8
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Default Re: Public Abuse - trigger warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by amandalouise View Post
please dont feel you failed him, its always hard to know what to do in this situation. what most people do these days is pull out their cell phones and video it and post it on facebook. I am glad you did not do that heres what I do when i see a situation that does not sit well with me...

I look around to see if there are any mall security around. (usually they are there nearby dealing with another situation) I go to them and say...

Im not sure whats going on over there but could you please go make sure that child is ok. Where can I find your security office where they can download what I have on my cellphone about this. then I go to the security office tell them what time the situation happened so that they can isolate their security footage of the situation so that they can isolate the footage.

malls always have security camera's and people behind doors monitoring the camera's. most likely what happened was mall security were on their way or calling the police already.

another thing sometimes when this happens in my city it turns out to be one of those how would you react drills. you know like how schools have fire drills and shooter drills. malls do training of their security officers too by activating drills. what you may have witnessed may have been a live training exercise for their employees.

drill or no drill if no store employees reacted and stepped in Im guessing some employees are in some deep trouble for not doing their jobs.

my suggestion is contact your local police department, tell them what day and times you were at the mall, what you witnessed and they can go to the mall, look at the security footage and take appropriate action.
I really can’t see it being a drill with an adult guy slapping a young child in the face- unless the child is a man in disguise.
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Old 02-12-2019, 07:09 AM   #9
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Default Re: Public Abuse - trigger warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by saidso View Post
I'm sure that it depends where you live, but I have a mad technique for dealing with this. I go up to the adult very very politely, and say, "Excuse me, is everything/ are you/ ok?"

Usually what happens is a moment of utter astonishment, and then the adult starts unloading all of his/ her problems onto me and completely forgets the child. Then I walk down the street a short way with them both.

It came to me because a friend from Sierra Leone told me that her people always intervene if a child is being scolded.

Probably I'm just a weird person or I live in a relatively safe neighbourhood: you do have to "act" genuinely concerned despite your own emotional reactions. It seems to, at least temporarily, deflect all that emotional angst from being offloaded on the child.
This may work well with woman because they are regarded as nurturers, but a guy can get attacked, shot or killed now a days. .
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Old 02-12-2019, 08:25 AM   #10
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Default Re: Public Abuse - trigger warning

Whenever I see children being abused in public I tell someone in authority.I'm too afraid to confront the abuser because they're clearly already agitated and irritated and angry so I don't want it directed towards me.

There were a couple of times I saw mistreatment in the waiting room at my therapists office and I told him right away at the beginning of my sessions.
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