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Default Mar 09, 2019 at 05:04 AM
  #1
Trigger Warning? Not sure but just be a little wary.

Just a forewarning, I don't have a disassociative disorder, just someone really close to me has it and throughout the past years I have been working with her daily and I figure I have a long story to share and if others with DID can glean anything from my story then it's well worth it.

To start, I was 15-16 at the time when I first met this girl, I'll call her M, so M and I really hit it off and we started to date, she was a couple years older than me. A few months into us dating she told me that a while ago she was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder, sometimes she would fall asleep and wake up in class, she's blacked out before, she wakes up and things are moved around in her room, she doesn't really know what is happening. And I'd barely done any research on DID at this point so I began figuring out what to do. I figure, these personalities within her are people, and in all honesty they probably have a lot of their own problems, especially since their life is so different. So first I advised M to put a note in a place that is bound to be used, in this case it was a shoe, the next day the note was splayed out on M's desk, no response on it. So that clarified to me that there was another personality, I began to address the issues within M's life, letting her talk to me about it and then advising her in ways to try and help herself such as imagining the situation she was in and then what would have been the perfect thing to say to her or for someone to do for her in that moment. M was also in a lot of toxic relationships especially with people online, I told her of their toxicity and soon she recognized it and she stop hanging around all those "friends" that would use her. Well eventually another one of M's alters came out, this alter didn't have emotions, she was sadistic, she was also an administrator type of personality, she talked to me because she said I was the first person she found interesting and so I began to talk to her, it was difficult to maneuver a conversation with this new personality that didn't have any kind of name, she had a God complex and saw herself as above all humans. I entertained her because I wanted her to come back to talk to me in the future, I kind of competetively spoke with her trying to run her into paradoxes in her manner of thinking, I told M to go speak to her school psychologist and then I told this new personality to speak to this therapist to try and figure things out. Well after a few months of this with the therapist and I kind of working a bit together, he can only see her so often and so I tried to give her continuous support to try to help out.

This brings us to a kind of second phase of things. It turns out that this other personality had locked all of her emotions away, she turned herself into a psychopath so that she could deal with her previous trauma. All of her emotions came back in what she described as a "tornado." She didn't know what emotions she was experiencing since just the whole idea of emotions was new to her. Well I thought about it and what she seemed to need was affection and to feel understood and so I provided that as well. I then learned that she had trapped the others as well, considering them dangerous, and she had kind of trapped two others into memories. She did not know anything about the other personalities, just that they seemed dangerous and so while I helped her cope with having feelings I had her explore these other personalities. At the same time I was helping M try to figure stuff out, I got her to figure out how to project a board in her mind where all of the alters could write to one another, the personality that had just gained emotions could also make M recall memories and so I had her recall memories of music and it would serve as a kind of MP3 player internally. All along the way I reinforced the idea that all of them were a family, they were all sisters, and I reinforced the idea of a family bond which worked to great effect. As the still unnamed alter was exploring the other personalities she found that two of them were entangled with one another with one constantly tormenting another. One of them was a little girl, 6 years old, I had her seperated from her tormentor and M quickly took a motherly and loving role with her, she called me her dad she also didn't have a name yet. The personality that had been tormenting her claimed to be a man, had a bit of a superiority complex going on as well, she was kept contained but was very aggravated. Around this time I also realized M didn't allow herself to feel the emotion of anger, she turned it on herself and commited self-harm, and so I told her that I was going to anger her since anger is a part of life and we needed to work it out together even if she hurts me and to just focus it all on me. And so I managed to anger her and unleashed a sea of internalized hatred that lasted a long time but ended with me holding her. Some time later I spoke to this aggravated personality, she said just wanted to commit suicide and take everyone with her and claimed she knew a way to seize control.
It is worth noting that the alters/personalities very rarely seized control simply because of trauma or stress, control was tightly controlled by the administrator personality and I had them make an orderly schedule. Likewise it is worth mentioning that the administrator personality could internally connect the personalities so that they can talk to each other as they please without being at the conscious level.
Anyway it turns out that the way she was going to seize control is by manipulating the pool of anger but I had just let that out of Michelle and so I gained the respect of this aggravated personality, and I talked to her and she claimed to be a man solely because men were strong and she was strong in her words, soon enough though she agreed she was a woman. At around this time I offered to name these personalities as they never had any names, I spent a week figuring it out and it has been several years and they still say they love their names. Isabel was the little one, Elise was the aggravated one, and Victoria was the administrator.
So now I had them all talking to one another, I had M coping with her PTSD and guilt, as well as her anxiety and depression. Elise could manipulate dreams, Victoria had a perfect memory and a vast array of internal abilities, Isabel was just really adorable. Things generally seemed to be working, as with most families problems do tend to arise, for instance Elise just lets her feelings out as she gets them, so I had to speak with M, Victoria, and Elise about this and tell them about Elise and make sure they all understand each other and know that they are understood and are all very important. It took about 3 years to reach that point but this was every day for three years working things out and thousands of hours of my own research just solely dedicated to it. M now had a wide array of good friends, she was happy, she had a family for the first time in her life although it was within her, her life in every way was drastically changed for the better. This is also the time that I told Victoria to go see about these buried personalities, they weren't dead they were more just deeply hidden in memories. The one personality she managed to find was a sociopath, I thought about it, her "reincarnation" was essentially up to me, I decided that even though she has no feelings, it may be an unimaginable torment to be stuck not existing and so I had her brought to consciousness, and yes she is creepy but she likes living far more than what she had before and her name was Camille. So now M who was really just entirely alone, also now had Camille, Victoria, Elise, and Isabel there and they were just a family, they have family game night once per week, they all talk to one another regularly, they all have their schedule time slots. They all seem to benefit one another.
And really that is most of my story on this, I'm not sure if it will help anyone but hopefully if people don't realize it they can understand that even if you share the same body or if you feel misunderstood by the others, well, you are still just one big family when it comes down to it and all of you are important and all of you serve a greater purpose to one another and it is through embracing our understanding of one another and understanding that all of us serve a greater purpose that multiple personalities, which may seem like a curse to some, really becomes a great blessing. M has a family that she never had, she doesn't ever feel alone, she always has someone to talk to, she has people in her life that make her want to achieve and that help her achieve more and together they can really overcome any obstacle. Thank you if you reached this far, PM me if you maybe have more questions about this story or more details you'd like explained. And have a really wonderful day and know that you are cared about by at least one person named Atronach.
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Default Mar 15, 2019 at 07:18 PM
  #2
Thank for sharing that but tbh I think it's very dangerous for you to be playing therapist and intruding into someone's mind like that.

Are you asking for PM's because you are promoting your "method" as something you can "teach" others here?
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Default Mar 15, 2019 at 09:57 PM
  #3
Can I ask you in what capacity you "work with" her? Are you a trained psychologist or therapist? Or do you mean you are her work colleague?

Did you know - in spite of your thousands of hours of research - there is no such thing as a "disassociative disorder"?

You speak of her as some poor wee thing that in need of your ministrations. If anyone ever condescended to me in such a manner I would intentionally vomit on them.
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Default Mar 16, 2019 at 03:40 AM
  #4
I don't mean this in a negative way or to be disrespectful, but I'd like to understand why it is that you feel it is your job to help her like this? It would seem like something best left up to a professional. I'm unclear as to why you felt you had to define her personalities and or anger them or upset them to get them to communicate with each other. I understand your desire to help her and I don't want to discount that it just seems like a very risky maneuver.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Atronach View Post
Trigger Warning? Not sure but just be a little wary.

Just a forewarning, I don't have a disassociative disorder, just someone really close to me has it and throughout the past years I have been working with her daily and I figure I have a long story to share and if others with DID can glean anything from my story then it's well worth it.

To start, I was 15-16 at the time when I first met this girl, I'll call her M, so M and I really hit it off and we started to date, she was a couple years older than me. A few months into us dating she told me that a while ago she was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder, sometimes she would fall asleep and wake up in class, she's blacked out before, she wakes up and things are moved around in her room, she doesn't really know what is happening. And I'd barely done any research on DID at this point so I began figuring out what to do. I figure, these personalities within her are people, and in all honesty they probably have a lot of their own problems, especially since their life is so different. So first I advised M to put a note in a place that is bound to be used, in this case it was a shoe, the next day the note was splayed out on M's desk, no response on it. So that clarified to me that there was another personality, I began to address the issues within M's life, letting her talk to me about it and then advising her in ways to try and help herself such as imagining the situation she was in and then what would have been the perfect thing to say to her or for someone to do for her in that moment. M was also in a lot of toxic relationships especially with people online, I told her of their toxicity and soon she recognized it and she stop hanging around all those "friends" that would use her. Well eventually another one of M's alters came out, this alter didn't have emotions, she was sadistic, she was also an administrator type of personality, she talked to me because she said I was the first person she found interesting and so I began to talk to her, it was difficult to maneuver a conversation with this new personality that didn't have any kind of name, she had a God complex and saw herself as above all humans. I entertained her because I wanted her to come back to talk to me in the future, I kind of competetively spoke with her trying to run her into paradoxes in her manner of thinking, I told M to go speak to her school psychologist and then I told this new personality to speak to this therapist to try and figure things out. Well after a few months of this with the therapist and I kind of working a bit together, he can only see her so often and so I tried to give her continuous support to try to help out.

This brings us to a kind of second phase of things. It turns out that this other personality had locked all of her emotions away, she turned herself into a psychopath so that she could deal with her previous trauma. All of her emotions came back in what she described as a "tornado." She didn't know what emotions she was experiencing since just the whole idea of emotions was new to her. Well I thought about it and what she seemed to need was affection and to feel understood and so I provided that as well. I then learned that she had trapped the others as well, considering them dangerous, and she had kind of trapped two others into memories. She did not know anything about the other personalities, just that they seemed dangerous and so while I helped her cope with having feelings I had her explore these other personalities. At the same time I was helping M try to figure stuff out, I got her to figure out how to project a board in her mind where all of the alters could write to one another, the personality that had just gained emotions could also make M recall memories and so I had her recall memories of music and it would serve as a kind of MP3 player internally. All along the way I reinforced the idea that all of them were a family, they were all sisters, and I reinforced the idea of a family bond which worked to great effect. As the still unnamed alter was exploring the other personalities she found that two of them were entangled with one another with one constantly tormenting another. One of them was a little girl, 6 years old, I had her seperated from her tormentor and M quickly took a motherly and loving role with her, she called me her dad she also didn't have a name yet. The personality that had been tormenting her claimed to be a man, had a bit of a superiority complex going on as well, she was kept contained but was very aggravated. Around this time I also realized M didn't allow herself to feel the emotion of anger, she turned it on herself and commited self-harm, and so I told her that I was going to anger her since anger is a part of life and we needed to work it out together even if she hurts me and to just focus it all on me. And so I managed to anger her and unleashed a sea of internalized hatred that lasted a long time but ended with me holding her. Some time later I spoke to this aggravated personality, she said just wanted to commit suicide and take everyone with her and claimed she knew a way to seize control.
It is worth noting that the alters/personalities very rarely seized control simply because of trauma or stress, control was tightly controlled by the administrator personality and I had them make an orderly schedule. Likewise it is worth mentioning that the administrator personality could internally connect the personalities so that they can talk to each other as they please without being at the conscious level.
Anyway it turns out that the way she was going to seize control is by manipulating the pool of anger but I had just let that out of Michelle and so I gained the respect of this aggravated personality, and I talked to her and she claimed to be a man solely because men were strong and she was strong in her words, soon enough though she agreed she was a woman. At around this time I offered to name these personalities as they never had any names, I spent a week figuring it out and it has been several years and they still say they love their names. Isabel was the little one, Elise was the aggravated one, and Victoria was the administrator.
So now I had them all talking to one another, I had M coping with her PTSD and guilt, as well as her anxiety and depression. Elise could manipulate dreams, Victoria had a perfect memory and a vast array of internal abilities, Isabel was just really adorable. Things generally seemed to be working, as with most families problems do tend to arise, for instance Elise just lets her feelings out as she gets them, so I had to speak with M, Victoria, and Elise about this and tell them about Elise and make sure they all understand each other and know that they are understood and are all very important. It took about 3 years to reach that point but this was every day for three years working things out and thousands of hours of my own research just solely dedicated to it. M now had a wide array of good friends, she was happy, she had a family for the first time in her life although it was within her, her life in every way was drastically changed for the better. This is also the time that I told Victoria to go see about these buried personalities, they weren't dead they were more just deeply hidden in memories. The one personality she managed to find was a sociopath, I thought about it, her "reincarnation" was essentially up to me, I decided that even though she has no feelings, it may be an unimaginable torment to be stuck not existing and so I had her brought to consciousness, and yes she is creepy but she likes living far more than what she had before and her name was Camille. So now M who was really just entirely alone, also now had Camille, Victoria, Elise, and Isabel there and they were just a family, they have family game night once per week, they all talk to one another regularly, they all have their schedule time slots. They all seem to benefit one another.
And really that is most of my story on this, I'm not sure if it will help anyone but hopefully if people don't realize it they can understand that even if you share the same body or if you feel misunderstood by the others, well, you are still just one big family when it comes down to it and all of you are important and all of you serve a greater purpose to one another and it is through embracing our understanding of one another and understanding that all of us serve a greater purpose that multiple personalities, which may seem like a curse to some, really becomes a great blessing. M has a family that she never had, she doesn't ever feel alone, she always has someone to talk to, she has people in her life that make her want to achieve and that help her achieve more and together they can really overcome any obstacle. Thank you if you reached this far, PM me if you maybe have more questions about this story or more details you'd like explained. And have a really wonderful day and know that you are cared about by at least one person named Atronach.

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Default Mar 16, 2019 at 08:51 AM
  #5
I have someone in my life very close to me who is diagnosed with DID. They see one of the best therapists in Ontario who specializes in trauma therapy and DID.

I would never "play therapist" with them because it can be super dangerous to have someone with no experience or education try to do so. You could unintentionally cause further damage even if you mean well. Aside from that, I think it would come across as insulting and belittling, as someone above mentioned. Leave this kind of work to the professionals.
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Default Mar 16, 2019 at 09:53 AM
  #6
I thought she was talking about herself.
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Default Mar 16, 2019 at 10:05 AM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
I thought she was talking about herself.
"Just a forewarning, I don't have a disassociative disorder, just someone really close to me has it and throughout the past years I have been working with her daily"
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Default Mar 16, 2019 at 12:44 PM
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"Just a forewarning, I don't have a disassociative disorder, just someone really close to me has it and throughout the past years I have been working with her daily"
Yeah but at the end, she says someone with the posters name wishes you a good day. And the content sounds like her own awakening.
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Default Mar 16, 2019 at 12:55 PM
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Yeah but at the end, she says someone with the posters name wishes you a good day. And the content sounds like her own awakening.
This part? "And have a really wonderful day and know that you are cared about by at least one person named Atronach."

I didn't see it as anything about their own awakening. I saw it as an alternative way of saying "Someone in the world cares about you". They just said their name in third person.

I see this post as someone potentially advertising their "services", especially asking people to PM them with further questions and details.
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Default Mar 16, 2019 at 01:23 PM
  #10
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Astronach! I'm afraid I must agree with all the others. If you're not qualified and you're not a professional, I don't think you should be trying to analyize this person like you were one. DID is certainly not something that can be played with. You probably mean well, but please try to reach out to a professional for your friend. That's the only way she'll be able to get better. Please try to get help for her if you can. She deserves to get help from people who have studied and trained all of their lives to deal with DID. I hope you'll listen to what the other wise posters on here have already wisely said. Please try to get help for your friend. I'm so sorry she has to deal with all of this
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Default Mar 16, 2019 at 02:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Ohseedee View Post
This part? "And have a really wonderful day and know that you are cared about by at least one person named Atronach."

I didn't see it as anything about their own awakening. I saw it as an alternative way of saying "Someone in the world cares about you". They just said their name in third person.

I see this post as someone potentially advertising their "services", especially asking people to PM them with further questions and details.
Yes, but its the posters name? Oh, i see what you are saying.

Still, i think it is their own journey, how they talked to their own selves. Plus i think it is indeed a story - a romanticized view of DID, of someone trying to integrate all their emotions, having to make choices as they enter adult life, which means some paths will not be taken, and how do you deal with that? (That may be MY particular weakness.)

I dont think they are offering services as much as they are looking for input from others as to if you thought their process / story believable or workable, do you have similar or different responses or reactions.
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Default Mar 16, 2019 at 03:51 PM
  #12
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Yes, but its the posters name? Oh, i see what you are saying.

Still, i think it is their own journey, how they talked to their own selves. Plus i think it is indeed a story - a romanticized view of DID, of someone trying to integrate all their emotions, having to make choices as they enter adult life, which means some paths will not be taken, and how do you deal with that? (That may be MY particular weakness.)

I dont think they are offering services as much as they are looking for input from others as to if you thought their process / story believable or workable, do you have similar or different responses or reactions.
I think it's pretty clear the OP is not talking about their self or their system and is talking about someone close to them as they stated in their post.

Unless they come back and clarify things I stand firm that what they are doing is dangerous to the person.
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Default Mar 16, 2019 at 05:21 PM
  #13
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Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
Yes, but its the posters name? Oh, i see what you are saying.

Still, i think it is their own journey, how they talked to their own selves. Plus i think it is indeed a story - a romanticized view of DID, of someone trying to integrate all their emotions, having to make choices as they enter adult life, which means some paths will not be taken, and how do you deal with that? (That may be MY particular weakness.)

I dont think they are offering services as much as they are looking for input from others as to if you thought their process / story believable or workable, do you have similar or different responses or reactions.
No, it's not. This person is also a 19 year old male, and states in another post that his family and others believe he is a sociopath.
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Default Mar 17, 2019 at 04:02 AM
  #14
I figure I will address some of what has been mentioned in replies to my original post here.

Yes, I understand it is dangerous to play therapist, no I am not promoting my services in any way simply getting my experiences off my chest and hoping that perhaps they can help someone else. Likewise, it is worth noting that this individual could only go to therapy through her university and the person that was caring for her was very anti-therapy and forced her to not see a psychologist/refusing to pay for one. She had three therapists in a very brief time period provided by the university, one of them deemed themselves unqualified, one of them was extremely abusive, and her last one she saw briefly before being forced to quit. Her caretaker did attempt to hire a therapist for her, but since he does not believe in psychology he had M go to see one of his friends who is a psychiatrist and the psychiatrist did not believe her. I recognize that what I did was dangerous for her and would not advocate anyone attempting it, as I mentioned, however, I was around the age of 14 or 15 at the time which while not an excuse it speaks to my immaturity at the time. But M was dealing with something serious, she did not have any money of her own, everyone she spoke to had never met anyone with DID, and the therapists that did believe her wanted to have her take several drugs and try to remove her alternate personalities.

And while I imagine it is difficult to fully understand M's situation and what/why I did as I did: M and I were dating, she wanted my help, she wanted to open up with someone. She had never trusted anyone before, she had never had any non-verbally or physically abusive friends or family before. When I first met her she would ram her head into a wall until she went unconscious when she thought she did something "bad." My point being that M needed help from somewhere and while it was not desirable and I told her at the time it would have a lot of bad consequences for me to serve in that capacity to her. I was very clear with M that I was not a therapist, that I could make things worse, mess up, that she might end up in even deeper waters than before.
The post was meant to bring to light that it is very possible to have a cooperative, familial, smoothly functioning system with minimal conflict as well as to characterize my personal experiences with this person which are hard to share with others.
Also, I am no longer helping M in this capacity, primarily because I have evolved as a person since all of the work that I did was done.

Of course it would be extremely wrong of me to serve in an advisory role to something as complicated as DID, Depression, and PTSD. But personally, and you may feel differently, but when someone you love comes to you for help, for a problem they don't understand, when they can't afford to pay someone to make things better, when they are forbidden from seeing a real professional, I feel like that person deserves someone that is willing to at least be a shoulder to cry on and give some human advice, someone they can rely on and go to for help. And recognize, I was her boyfriend, in some fashion I was going to have to support her, I could not ignore it when she tries to cut herself, when she goes out at night alone to see if anyone will murder her.

So I will repeat, I do not recommend anyone doing as I have done, I do not think anyone other than a professional should try and treat any form of mental illness, I do not think an amateur should seek to diagnose another person. But she was my girlfriend, I hated seeing her suffer, she was aware of the consequences of what she asked me to do for her and so I did something because how couldn't I have done something in that situation.

Hopefully that clears things up, this is a topic extremely personal to me and so I recognize I probably sound very defensive, my apologies for that.
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Default Mar 17, 2019 at 03:38 PM
  #15
Thank you for the clarification, Atronach. This thread has apparently run its course so we are now going to close it.
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My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.