what happened on tuesday

Mar 29, 2019 at 08:16 AM

on tuesday, I watched corination street (which is a soap opera I watch)

it was a pretty sad episode, and also a pretty triggering one

Possible trigger:

in the episode, a roof of a factory collapsed killing 1 of the characters. actually, the character got out of the factory, but died later in a hospital room whhile she was proposing to another character (she actually died at the moment you are meant to kiss the bride)

this was a very hard episode for me to watch, for 2 reasons

1 reason is, I have witnessed someone die in my arms, twice- and when the character died, I felt her collapse in to my arms (like she was one of the 2 people I'd witnessed), but I was screaming rana, rana, rana (rana being the name of the character who died), and it felt like rana, (or who ever was in my arms) felt familiar to me

the other reason is because when my grandfather died, he fell off a roof- that's how he died, so naturally a sceen involving a roof collapse probably wasn't the best choice for viewing.

anyway, now I'm blaming myself for it- for watching the episode, for putting myself through it and for feeling triggered.

I mean what kind of person (unless they were really stupid) would watch a roof of a factory collapse and come to the conclusion well, the factory's collapsed, but everything's going to be okay

the next few episodes are going to be hard with the funeral and stuff (so I am going to do my best to avoid them), but still

I am so, so stupid

amandalouise · Mar 29, 2019 at 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raging vortex

on tuesday, I watched corination street (which is a soap opera I watch)

it was a pretty sad episode, and also a pretty triggering one

Possible trigger:

in the episode, a roof of a factory collapsed killing 1 of the characters. actually, the character got out of the factory, but died later in a hospital room whhile she was proposing to another character (she actually died at the moment you are meant to kiss the bride)

this was a very hard episode for me to watch, for 2 reasons

1 reason is, I have witnessed someone die in my arms, twice- and when the character died, I felt her collapse in to my arms (like she was one of the 2 people I'd witnessed), but I was screaming rana, rana, rana (rana being the name of the character who died), and it felt like rana, (or who ever was in my arms) felt familiar to me

the other reason is because when my grandfather died, he fell off a roof- that's how he died, so naturally a sceen involving a roof collapse probably wasn't the best choice for viewing.

anyway, now I'm blaming myself for it- for watching the episode, for putting myself through it and for feeling triggered.

I mean what kind of person (unless they were really stupid) would watch a roof of a factory collapse and come to the conclusion well, the factory's collapsed, but everything's going to be okay

the next few episodes are going to be hard with the funeral and stuff (so I am going to do my best to avoid them), but still

I am so, so stupid

you are not stupid raging vortex. you just got triggered and yea you may end up watching the next few episodes but since you know that its going to be hard for you, if you decide to watch them you can right now plan ahead. use your lists of what brings you comfort and if you dont have a list right now would be a good time to make one.

one of the things I do when I get triggered that brings me comfort is rowing my canoe around a lake.

I also get highly triggered by watching soap operas. so I have a rule that I dont watch them at all. especially during the times when I am having my bipolar symptoms of psychosis (not being able to distinguish reality from whats not real. soap operas are not real life though they do incorporate real life events. one )

any tv show that I do watch I also read the summary of an episode before watching. this also gives me an idea of whats going to be shown and able to prepare for it.

my suggestion before watching another soap opera episode, check out the summary to see what its going to be about and if you decide to watch it have your grounding and self soothing tools available and your emergency contact numbers for your treatment provider.

Rive1976 · Mar 29, 2019 at 12:31 PM

I do this too. There is a law show I watch and I always really want to watch it even though I know that I am going to be triggered (even though its been less since EMDR) I am always like why do I put myself through this for a tv show. Then the next week I am watching it again. Youre not alone and youre not stupid.

MickeyCheeky · Mar 29, 2019 at 03:29 PM

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, raging vortex

You're not stupid at all! Please don't be so hard on yourself! It wasn't your fault if you got triggered! You didn't know! I completely agree with what amandalouise and Dnester have already wisely said on this thread better than I ever could! You've been given lots of great advice on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it if you can! Just try to apply all the coping techniques that you know of and try to avoid the later episodes if you can! At least you know better now! Please remember that it's NOT your fault any of this happened. You didn't know. Things like this can happen! I'm sure things will get better soon for you! Just take all the time you need to get better. Just take it one step at the time. Take baby steps. No need to hurry! You're a strong, wonderful person! Please remember that! Sending many hugs to you, raging vortex! We're all here for you! Please remember that!

Fuzzybear · Mar 29, 2019 at 07:41 PM

((((((((( raging vortex ))))))))))

Mar 30, 2019 at 06:31 AM

thanks for everyone's responses

I much apreciate it

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Rive1976 Grand Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: USA Posts: 1,740 6 144 hugs given	Mar 29, 2019 at 12:31 PM #3 I do this too. There is a law show I watch and I always really want to watch it even though I know that I am going to be triggered (even though its been less since EMDR) I am always like why do I put myself through this for a tv show. Then the next week I am watching it again. Youre not alone and youre not stupid.
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,331 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Mar 29, 2019 at 07:41 PM #5 ((((((((( raging vortex )))))))))) __________________
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Anonymous32451 Guest Posts: n/a	Mar 30, 2019 at 06:31 AM #6 thanks for everyone's responses I much apreciate it
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