Long term dissociation from emotional stress

Long story short, I watched my mother pass away when I was 15. My dad paid for several psychologists for me to talk to but I just sat there for the hour. I've never dealt with this thought of hiding from all of my emotional pain. Is it common for a bpd to dissociate from true feelings like this even though I went through emotional hell after she passed? Was what I went through real? Or only what I could handle at the time?

Interesting question. Recently lost my younger sister. It was unexpected & sudden. Have same feelings. As time passes, I remember some things I did at the time. She had no other family. Think I did things on autopilot. Perhaps as you say more than I could handle but I was the only one to do it. Time will tell, I guess. Take gentle care of yourself.

dissociation is a normal response to triggers. you know how if someone says something you dont like (trigger) the automatic response is feeling angry. its not a choice to be angry or not, theres a physical brain process that controls whether a person feels angry or not..........dissociation in general and in its simplest non disorder response is like that. when something happens (a trigger) sometimes people feel numb, spaced out and disconnected. they cant control when and how or choose to be this way, its just how the brain naturally functions. just like with any other feelings a person can learn how take care of their emotions/ feelings, know and use good coping tools to counteract them if needed.

so my answer is yes in general its normal for people no matter what the disorder to have dissociation symptoms and in general dissociation symptoms (feeling numb spaced out and disconnected are real.

As for your question as to whether its common that .......you........have these problems and whether or not it was real for you, you will need to contact your own treatment providers, we cant say whats what inside of you.