Trigger warning Sent home

Amyjay · Apr 29, 2019 at 02:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FearLess47

I was somewhat shocked to learn recently that I have become my own bully. And my own mommy dearest. My T asked me what their "purpose" was and I am very annoyed by that question still, as I don't quite understand it yet or see how there is ANY positive purpose. And I say something like, "they're purpose is to destroy me" or to "take me down, keep me struggling." A giant battle within my own self.

I have not yet come to an understanding of how these roles have helped me survive. At this point, I am still in a place where I want them annihilated. I see no loving "purpose." But I know that this may change over time...as I begin to understand the bigger picture.

FearLess47

A while ago we were interacting with a similar kind of alter in our own therapy. We too couldn't figure out whatever purpose that part might have held for us and we were terrified of her, because all she did was hurt us. How could that ever be helpful?

What we came to understand (in our situation with that particular alter) was that this alter held all of those awful, destructive and overwhelming emotions so that we didn't have to. All of those feelings were contained within her, leaving us front ones free to get on with the business of growing ourselves up as best we could.Those kinds of feelings were the ONLY thing she ever knew. She didn't know care, kindness, calmness, peacefulness, play, or anything like that. She only knew that she wanted and needed to hurt. The need to self destruct was her entire experience, so that we didn't have to feel it ourselves. It was such a revelation to us to realize that. We ended up feeling so compassionate for that staunch teen who always, always seemed so set on destroying us.

Once we understood that we were so grateful to her. It was really weird because she felt our love and thankfulness and compassion for her and that was the first time she had ever experienced that. It transformed her. She no longer wants or needs to hurt anyone at all. She is one of us now.

For an alter that had spent years harming and trying to kill us, in the end the transformation was as simple as that!