advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
FearLess47
Member
 
FearLess47's Avatar
FearLess47 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2019
Location: U.S.
Posts: 219
3 yr Member
267 hugs
given
Default May 05, 2019 at 08:15 PM
  #1
Hi all...

I've been trying to gain a bit of knowledge and understanding of some common language or concepts which are common to complex PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder.

I have had many diagnoses over the years, and when my psych nurse causally told me she had me as "Bipolar 2" last year, I was surprised and just accepted it. We only saw each other 4 or 5 times a year...so she started adding antipsychotics and mood stabilizers, which I didn't react well to.

Considering that all signs are pointing more towards DID...I'm welcoming the idea of discovery and integration, even if it takes 10 days or 10 years or 20 years. I have an insane trauma history, with many layers. I've until recently been somewhat unwilling or unable to "look" at the timeline of my life (never made one) and to comprehend that all of the things on the list are me.

Recently my spine surgeon, a military veteran, told me and my husband that I remind him of his combat buddies and patients. Compartmentalized. He said I am really good at dealing with the physical pain but not so good at dealing with the emotional pain. I know I am this way. (He said, "It's like you're two different people." ) But I can't yet connect with it other than making jokes, or looking for a second, then looking away, etc.

I read my "list" of trauma stuff to my last T and she asked me if I realized how detached I was from any emotion of it.

Can you help me understand "compartmentalization" and "detachment" as it relates to severe, deeply entrenched trauma? I understand it is normal things our brains and bodies do to handle things, like dissociation. But I'd love to have a starting point, at least to correctly categorize the experiences.

(Rather than referring to it as "Mood Swings" from a chemical bipolar stance.) There are different "moods" AND different abilities in different parts.

Agh. Thanks for reading.

FearLess47

__________________
alone in a crowded room
FearLess47 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Amyjay
 
Thanks for this!
Amyjay

advertisement
Amyjay
Magnate
Amyjay has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2017
Location: Underground
Posts: 2,439
5 yr Member
692 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 06, 2019 at 03:06 AM
  #2
Hmm. That is quite a huge concept. I hear you, I understand what you are saying. Especially about the time line of life kind of thing.. My therapist and I are currently working on this exact thing... putting the time line together and trying to make the connection that this all belongs to one person. Over time we have definitely looked at different aspects of it... we have this kind of trauma here, and this one from this age to that age... and then this happened here and from then to there something else was going on... but we can't put it all in the same place (brain?) at the same time and can't grasp the overall horrendousness of it all.

I am just going to ramble a bit here, because this is exactly what we are working on right now. For us it is really important, because putting it all together will allow us to see something we truly need to see, but can't yet. Some part of me must know this thing then,. I suppose, because some part of me knows that we MUST put it together. But we can't yet... we can look at this bit, but when we turn to another bit the first bit goes away and we are still only looking at one thing again. We can't hold all the things in one place at one time.
In our therapy session last week we came the closest we have ever come to holding all the things together in one place at one time... and we then had a massive internal shut down. For a good chunk of the therapy session we were completely frozen, unable to move or speak. We went too far. We pushed too far. I think we must have blown a fuse somewhere inside and shorted out. Poor T, from shut down to leaving we didn't say a single word.
But we understand that as a protective mechanism. It was self protective. The word you used was detached. What is the purpose of detachment? Self protection. What is the purpose of compartmentalization? Self protection. What is the purpose of a fuse blowing out? Self protection.

I do recall as a child moving from one thing to another. When one thing was finished we shut it off and put attention to the next thing. When something is out of sight it remains out of mind. I might find myself here, and suddenly find myself somewhere else. No matter... this new place I find myself is what I need to worry about now. As a dissociative system we only need to worry about one thing at a time, what is right here in front of me, not what happened before, not what will happen after. Wherever I find myself is what I focus on, what I do, what I think about. Nothing else matters but NOW.

I told you I was rambling. Our personal goal is to know more than now. It is to know before, yesterday, now, tomorrow. To string and tie it all together and to make sense of all of it. Not just some of it. Not just this piece of it. But all of it.

I have to remember that looking at even one piece is really hard. Baby steps.

I hope you can take away something meaningful oR relatable from my ramblings here!
Amyjay is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
FearLess47
 
Thanks for this!
FearLess47
FearLess47
Member
 
FearLess47's Avatar
FearLess47 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2019
Location: U.S.
Posts: 219
3 yr Member
267 hugs
given
Default May 06, 2019 at 09:54 AM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay View Post
Hmm. That is quite a huge concept. I hear you, I understand what you are saying. Especially about the time line of life kind of thing.. My therapist and I are currently working on this exact thing... putting the time line together and trying to make the connection that this all belongs to one person. Over time we have definitely looked at different aspects of it... we have this kind of trauma here, and this one from this age to that age... and then this happened here and from then to there something else was going on... but we can't put it all in the same place (brain?) at the same time and can't grasp the overall horrendousness of it all.

I am just going to ramble a bit here, because this is exactly what we are working on right now. For us it is really important, because putting it all together will allow us to see something we truly need to see, but can't yet. Some part of me must know this thing then,. I suppose, because some part of me knows that we MUST put it together. But we can't yet... we can look at this bit, but when we turn to another bit the first bit goes away and we are still only looking at one thing again. We can't hold all the things in one place at one time.
In our therapy session last week we came the closest we have ever come to holding all the things together in one place at one time... and we then had a massive internal shut down. For a good chunk of the therapy session we were completely frozen, unable to move or speak. We went too far. We pushed too far. I think we must have blown a fuse somewhere inside and shorted out. Poor T, from shut down to leaving we didn't say a single word.
But we understand that as a protective mechanism. It was self protective. The word you used was detached. What is the purpose of detachment? Self protection. What is the purpose of compartmentalization? Self protection. What is the purpose of a fuse blowing out? Self protection.

I do recall as a child moving from one thing to another. When one thing was finished we shut it off and put attention to the next thing. When something is out of sight it remains out of mind. I might find myself here, and suddenly find myself somewhere else. No matter... this new place I find myself is what I need to worry about now. As a dissociative system we only need to worry about one thing at a time, what is right here in front of me, not what happened before, not what will happen after. Wherever I find myself is what I focus on, what I do, what I think about. Nothing else matters but NOW.

I told you I was rambling. Our personal goal is to know more than now. It is to know before, yesterday, now, tomorrow. To string and tie it all together and to make sense of all of it. Not just some of it. Not just this piece of it. But all of it.

I have to remember that looking at even one piece is really hard. Baby steps.

I hope you can take away something meaningful oR relatable from my ramblings here!
@Amyjay - I feel like I am reading my very own words in this. I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry. The shut down has happened here, too. I had some EMDR therapy 7 years ago that was haphazard, scary and in many ways...doubled up the padlocks on the doors between compartments. I was not ready. At all. But I wanted to be a straight A trauma patient.

Obviously there is a nerdy businesswoman in me who wants to understand the technical terms and create some semblance of control by "learning" and "getting ready" for the reality of what is to come. It calms that person down....even though it is apparent that I can only "see" one or two drops in the ocean at this moment. I know the ocean is there. But I also know the ocean can swallow me if I go out without a life raft.

Thank you so much for your willingness to share.

FearLess47

__________________
alone in a crowded room

Last edited by FearLess47; May 06, 2019 at 12:32 PM..
FearLess47 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
FearLess47
Member
 
FearLess47's Avatar
FearLess47 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2019
Location: U.S.
Posts: 219
3 yr Member
267 hugs
given
Default May 06, 2019 at 10:32 AM
  #4
PS--to simplify the original post question... I am wondering if there is a "difference" between detachment and compartmentalization.

Recently I read a book about mindful anger. There was a section on the difference between "feelings" (body based sensations) and "emotions" (sad, fear, anger). My mind was blown because I could not exactly grasp the difference. That demonstrates the level of jumbled disconnection I have sometimes with my OWN person/body.


FL47

__________________
alone in a crowded room

Last edited by FearLess47; May 06, 2019 at 12:58 PM..
FearLess47 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
amandalouise
Wise Elder
 
amandalouise's Avatar
amandalouise has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
Posts: 9,133
15 yr Member
884 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 06, 2019 at 10:48 AM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by FearLess47 View Post
Hi all...

I've been trying to gain a bit of knowledge and understanding of some common language or concepts which are common to complex PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder.

I have had many diagnoses over the years, and when my psych nurse causally told me she had me as "Bipolar 2" last year, I was surprised and just accepted it. We only saw each other 4 or 5 times a year...so she started adding antipsychotics and mood stabilizers, which I didn't react well to.

Considering that all signs are pointing more towards DID...I'm welcoming the idea of discovery and integration, even if it takes 10 days or 10 years or 20 years. I have an insane trauma history, with many layers. I've until recently been somewhat unwilling or unable to "look" at the timeline of my life (never made one) and to comprehend that all of the things on the list are me.

Recently my spine surgeon, a military veteran, told me and my husband that I remind him of his combat buddies and patients. Compartmentalized. He said I am really good at dealing with the physical pain but not so good at dealing with the emotional pain. I know I am this way. (He said, "It's like you're two different people." ) But I can't yet connect with it other than making jokes, or looking for a second, then looking away, etc.

I read my "list" of trauma stuff to my last T and she asked me if I realized how detached I was from any emotion of it.

Can you help me understand "compartmentalization" and "detachment" as it relates to severe, deeply entrenched trauma? I understand it is normal things our brains and bodies do to handle things, like dissociation. But I'd love to have a starting point, at least to correctly categorize the experiences.

(Rather than referring to it as "Mood Swings" from a chemical bipolar stance.) There are different "moods" AND different abilities in different parts.

Agh. Thanks for reading.

FearLess47
a good starting point for me to understanding the timeline of my life was actually making a timeline...

you know how in elementary school and high school where you had to make these graphs and charts of things... drawing a line on a paper and then putting numbers underneath or above the line. then marking a dot on the line and writing what that dot represented...example 1776 independence 1861 Lincoln 1905 Einstein discovered relativity, .... or drawing those math, science history timelines...

I did the same thing with my life... I took some paper, glued the ends together to form a long sheet of paper then took a ruler and drew a line across the top about an inch down from the top edge of the page. then at the top left of the line I wrote the word "years" and under the line to the left I wrote special events then I numbered across the top to represent each year of my life. the first dot I made on the time line was on the line under the date of my birth. then I went down the line and marked (on the line) the date of my high school graduation, the date I went into foster care, the date my abusers were prosecuted, the date social services decided it was safe now for me to go back to my parents now that the abusers were in prison, the date of my prom, my first love, things that I fondly look back on and are not traumatic to look back on.

then during therapy my therapist and I marked on the time line any time I remembered something new good or bad about my life.

I still keep this timeline of my life going. its now about 15 feet long and documents my life time.

you know how parents make "baby books" for their children. what they are doing is making a timeline of that childs birth, memorable events good and bad so that some day the child can know what their baby/ toddler hood and childhood was like.

you can document your life in this way too by getting an organizer notebook (sold in stationary departments in stores) open the clip and add paper and different colored paper for the dividers, mark each divider for a year of your life. then you write in each section the good and bad memorable events in your life.

Ive heard about people making time lines of their life on their computer programs, using growth charts you buy in baby stores, using pencil on their walls in their closets (dont suggest you do this if you dont own your own home lol)

there are also many great books out there that your treatment provider can point you towards that are work book style. many are generic and not disorder specific that helps no matter what the disorder that you may have.

you can find these books in all kinds of places... your local library's psychology/ self help section, thrift stores, amazon, and other online book stores.any off the computer store that has a book department....

the one trap that people (including me here) get into when they are starting their healing journey is that they limit their self to just the resources about their dissociation. dissociation is as much about PTSD, anxiety, depression, behaviors, ....

like one of my own therapists told me... in order to heal from DID you have to work on other areas too. example if you have a dissociation problem then you also have a trigger problems and if you have a trigger problem you also have a behavior problem ... things that help a person change their behaviors and handle their triggers will also help them to get their dissociation problems in control. if one isnt willing to change their behaviors and learn new ways to handle their triggers then they are not going to be able to heal from a dissociative disorder.

I have done many kinds of therapies..... CBT, DBT, worked in anxiety workbooks, worked on stress..... all kinds of different things. they were not labeled specifically for DID but that didnt matter, they each addressed something in my life that needed to change in order for me to heal from DID.

I have also had many different kinds of therapists. none were just a DID specialist. here in america treatment providers work with all kinds of problems and are qualified to work with people with DID and dissociative disorder. they dont have one specialty. example if you look in a phone book under therapists you will see ads for therapists in that area code. the ads dont just say "Im a DID specilist" the ads say things like services CBT,DBT, REBT, children adults marriage and couples, depression ptsd, anxiety, bipolar, dissociatives...

here in america treatment providers treat all recognized mental disorders, they may have their "favorite" areas but in order to be licensed here in america they have to be non discriminating and treating all mental disorders per federal discrimination laws.

if you are outside america you may have to look in more specialized areas for what you need to get you started. some countries put more limits on their treatments, treatment providers and what one can and cant do.

my point is there are many ways that are only limited by your own creativity on where to start with this building a time line of your life and your healing journey.

only you know where to start, who to start with and how to do it based on your own abilities and life style and life.
amandalouise is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
FearLess47
FearLess47
Member
 
FearLess47's Avatar
FearLess47 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2019
Location: U.S.
Posts: 219
3 yr Member
267 hugs
given
Default May 06, 2019 at 12:29 PM
  #6
Thank you, amandalouise! This is very helpful and I totally remember the school timelines. That is exactly what I am hoping to create with my T and in my mind I imagined the pieces of paper taped together just as you described. Like a life scroll. It is only recently that I have been willing or interested in doing such a thing.

There are behaviors that I have stopped. And after stopping the behaviors, the dissociation revealed itself front and center. For example I stopped drinking alcohol almost 10 years ago. I would say dissociation got worse and not better during that time, because I didn't understand the connections. It made me feel crazier. I recently stopped over-exercising to manage anxiety...and it was no surprise that it "brought up" a bunch more stuff. So it is interesting to think of the dissociation --> trigger --> behaviors pattern as change a behavior --> notice the dissociative response ---> look for the triggers. Etc.

Oddly, I find it more scary (or challenging?) for me to review not just the dark pieces of life, but the pieces where I have managed to excel and do well. For some reason, it is more difficult to embrace those good things than it is the bad things.


FL47

__________________
alone in a crowded room
FearLess47 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
amandalouise
 
Thanks for this!
amandalouise
Amyjay
Magnate
Amyjay has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2017
Location: Underground
Posts: 2,439
5 yr Member
692 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 06, 2019 at 01:21 PM
  #7
Ooh, okay, AmandaLouise's post makes clear the distinction between compartmentalization and detachment (for me)...

Compartmentalization is keeping every thing separate from all the other things. Not putting them together.

We have made a timeline, which we work on from time to time in therapy. It has all the things written down, so has everything in one place at one time.

Detachment is looking at it and not "getting" at some fundamental level that any of that happened to you.
Amyjay is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
amandalouise, FearLess47
FearLess47
Member
 
FearLess47's Avatar
FearLess47 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2019
Location: U.S.
Posts: 219
3 yr Member
267 hugs
given
Default May 06, 2019 at 01:30 PM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay View Post
Ooh, okay, AmandaLouise's post makes clear the distinction between compartmentalization and detachment (for me)...

Compartmentalization is keeping every thing separate from all the other things. Not putting them together.

We have made a timeline, which we work on from time to time in therapy. It has all the things written down, so has everything in one place at one time.

Detachment is looking at it and not "getting" at some fundamental level that any of that happened to you.
That makes sense! (I think.)

__________________
alone in a crowded room
FearLess47 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
amandalouise
amandalouise
Wise Elder
 
amandalouise's Avatar
amandalouise has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
Posts: 9,133
15 yr Member
884 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 06, 2019 at 01:34 PM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by FearLess47 View Post
PS--to simplify the original post question... I am wondering if there is a "difference" between detachment and compartmentalization.

Recently I read a book about mindful anger. There was a section on the difference between "feelings" (body based sensations) and "emotions" (sad, fear, anger). My mind was blown because I could not exactly grasp the difference. That demonstrates the level of jumbled disconnection I have sometimes with my OWN person/body.


FL47
the way my treatment provider explained the two....

detachment............distancing
compartmentalization ..... avoiding because of conflicting information, values, emotions and beliefs.

example .......

detachment of a stubbed toe

I can distance my self from feeling the pain and emotions and look at my toe and logically assess whether I need to see a doctor or not because the pain and emotions are not clouding my judgement.

compartmentalization of a stubbed toe

I avoid the pain and emotions and dont assess whether I need a doctor because I got that stubbed toe by way of someone who was supposed to be a safe person pushed me, the conflict is I like this person and care about this person and they have said many times they like and care about me, people who care about each other dont bully and push around the other... there is a conflict going on where love and caring doesnt match up with being pushed. so instead of facing the problem head on or assessing from a distance total avoidance kicks in.

another example a motor vehicle accident...

a person can distance their self from the feelings and emotions and do whats needed to take care of the situation, exchange insurance, make plans to have vehicles repaired, find another vehicle to use (detachment)

or they can avoid everything that has to do with the situation by not exchanging insurance, not making plans to get car repaired, they get out of their car, walk away and never drive a vehicle again, never get into another vehicle, never have anything to do with any part of thinking or doing anything about any part of the accident, total avoidance.(compartmentalize)

how does this relate to extreme trauma...

some people can distance their self from their feelings and emotions and still talk about the extreme trauma and deal with it, like its over there across the room, (detachment)

some people who have undergone extreme trauma have no memory nor emotions nor feelings about it and totally avoid anything that reminds them of it. goes on with their life as if the trauma never even happened, and live a happy go lucky life (compartmentalizing)
amandalouise is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
FearLess47
FearLess47
Member
 
FearLess47's Avatar
FearLess47 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2019
Location: U.S.
Posts: 219
3 yr Member
267 hugs
given
Default May 06, 2019 at 06:50 PM
  #10
Interesting. I suppose they can also both happen together. It's almost as if the "things" are in their own drawers. I know they are "there." But I also go in and out of drawers right next to it, for say, socks every day, and don't even look, think or recognize the other drawers as mine and connected. Like, the whole dresser is mine. All of its contents. I can write a book report about all the drawers, their contents, flippantly state "oh and there is this" and "that" but I can't yet feel, grieve, be angry, let go etc. I just wanted to burn the dresser and get a new one.

Detached and compartmentalized all at once.

Recently, someone I am honest with sent me a message about how "amazing" it is that I keep marching ahead, handling medical challenges, psych challenges, etc and that most people would have given up by now.

This made me laugh. Because I don't really find it valiant or remarkable or amazing. I simply go into modes. I told her thanks but I cringe when people tell me that. They don't realize that what can appear like emotional intelligence and resilience or whatever, is actually me going in and out of various drawers.

I don't yet embrace that it would be okay and normal and healthy for me to say, "Wow. I guess it is amazing that I keep going." The reality is "detachment" from pain has helped and not helped for years.

Both of these perspectives are very helpful. Thank you amanadalouise and Amyjay.


FearLess47

__________________
alone in a crowded room
FearLess47 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
amandalouise
amandalouise
Wise Elder
 
amandalouise's Avatar
amandalouise has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
Posts: 9,133
15 yr Member
884 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 07, 2019 at 07:57 AM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by FearLess47 View Post
Interesting. I suppose they can also both happen together. It's almost as if the "things" are in their own drawers. I know they are "there." But I also go in and out of drawers right next to it, for say, socks every day, and don't even look, think or recognize the other drawers as mine and connected. Like, the whole dresser is mine. All of its contents. I can write a book report about all the drawers, their contents, flippantly state "oh and there is this" and "that" but I can't yet feel, grieve, be angry, let go etc. I just wanted to burn the dresser and get a new one.

Detached and compartmentalized all at once.

Recently, someone I am honest with sent me a message about how "amazing" it is that I keep marching ahead, handling medical challenges, psych challenges, etc and that most people would have given up by now.

This made me laugh. Because I don't really find it valiant or remarkable or amazing. I simply go into modes. I told her thanks but I cringe when people tell me that. They don't realize that what can appear like emotional intelligence and resilience or whatever, is actually me going in and out of various drawers.

I don't yet embrace that it would be okay and normal and healthy for me to say, "Wow. I guess it is amazing that I keep going." The reality is "detachment" from pain has helped and not helped for years.

Both of these perspectives are very helpful. Thank you amanadalouise and Amyjay.


FearLess47
thank you and yes in me the two quite frequently happened together. I had some memories, emotions feelings that I could deal with from a distance and others that I avoided. Sometimes with in the same situation, memory emotion and feelings.

yes sometimes detachment and compartmentalizing does help. and sometimes it doesnt.
amandalouise is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
FearLess47
 
Thanks for this!
FearLess47
elevatedsoul
Ascended
 
elevatedsoul's Avatar
elevatedsoul has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: usa
Posts: 3,836
10 yr Member
1,852 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 07, 2019 at 09:11 AM
  #12
Why is it important for me to remember and know in order to get better?
Why cant i just be successful and not connect the dots?

Its impossible for me to repair this

__________________
Compartmentalization and Detachment
elevatedsoul is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Laurel1562
amandalouise
Wise Elder
 
amandalouise's Avatar
amandalouise has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
Posts: 9,133
15 yr Member
884 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 07, 2019 at 10:41 AM
  #13
Quote:
Originally Posted by elevatedsoul View Post
Why is it important for me to remember and know in order to get better?
Why cant i just be successful and not connect the dots?

Its impossible for me to repair this
Elevated these are questions that only your own treatment providers can answer for you based on your mental disorder (borderline personality disorder)

what I can do is tell you that dissociative disordered compartmentalization (dissociatively avoiding ) and detachment (dissociatively distancing) is different than borderline personality disorder compartmentalizing (willfully avoiding) and detachment (willfully distancing) than it is with dissociative disorders.

the dissociative kind is not about making choices and behaviors like being successful or connecting the dots.

my suggestion is contact your treatment providers they will explain in more detail than I can get into here and help you find the answers that you are looking for.
amandalouise is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
FearLess47
FearLess47
Member
 
FearLess47's Avatar
FearLess47 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2019
Location: U.S.
Posts: 219
3 yr Member
267 hugs
given
Default May 07, 2019 at 02:05 PM
  #14
I think perhaps our journeys are highly individual...for me it feels important to make sense of and understand the pieces and parts.

This is why it can be so important to work with a provider who can help us sort it out.

__________________
alone in a crowded room
FearLess47 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
elevatedsoul
Ascended
 
elevatedsoul's Avatar
elevatedsoul has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: usa
Posts: 3,836
10 yr Member
1,852 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 08, 2019 at 01:20 PM
  #15
But im not making any choices....

I cant make it stop...

And it seems im about to be on the street because no one believes me...

__________________
Compartmentalization and Detachment
elevatedsoul is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
amandalouise
Wise Elder
 
amandalouise's Avatar
amandalouise has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
Posts: 9,133
15 yr Member
884 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 08, 2019 at 03:34 PM
  #16
Quote:
Originally Posted by elevatedsoul View Post
But im not making any choices....

I cant make it stop...

And it seems im about to be on the street because no one believes me...
I know sometimes people cant with borderline. what Im saying is the two are different.

theres other accompanying symptoms with dissociative compartmentalization and dissociative detachment

example you keep posting about how much pain you are in and how you cant stand to be the way you are, and posting about not being able to function.

the dissociative kind makes it so that there is no pain, there is no fighting with emotions and moods, and makes it so that a person can continue functioning just like normal people do.

if you reread your posts you will see what I mean by willfully and making choices and behaviors. those things dont apply with this kind of thing....

heres a good example....

the dissociative kind requires dissociative symptoms (feeling numb, lack of emotions,)

I have the dissociative problem of detachment. that means that when hard things happen I dont feel it, I dont experience the anger, the pain the stress, I go numb and just watch whats going on and go about my day as if nothing is wrong because I dont feel anything. its like the problem has nothing to do with me. I could be having the worst parenting or work day and someone ask me how are you and my reply is great I got so much done today even when this happened with my child I was just fine and handled it with out losing my cool, with out getting stressed out or anything. having a great day here.

I have comparmtnalizing problems where something so horrific happened at work that it triggered me into feeling numb detached and that memory was just gone for 3 years. I had no emotions stress or pain over not remembering it because I didnt remember the problem even happened at all. I just went about my day getting things done, went about my week, went about my years just like normal because I had absolutely no memory that the trauma happened it was dissociatively compartmentalized.

it wasnt until three years later when something similar but less traumatic happened that the compartmentalizing was "gone" and I remembered.

after the compartmentalizing was "gone" yea I felt it in all kinds of ways but while the dissociative compartmentalizing was going on I had absolutely no feelings or stress or trauma about it.

the kind that comes with borderline isnt like this. your treatment provider can explain to you why you are in so much distress over not having your memories and why you cant seem to function and so on and how its different than dissociation.
amandalouise is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
amandalouise
Wise Elder
 
amandalouise's Avatar
amandalouise has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
Posts: 9,133
15 yr Member
884 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 08, 2019 at 05:01 PM
  #17
Quote:
Originally Posted by elevatedsoul View Post
But im not making any choices....

I cant make it stop...

And it seems im about to be on the street because no one believes me...
here is something that might interest you...

the new ICD 11 has made some changes where ....

the personality disorders have all been combined into one label called Personality Disorder.

and they have instead of dividing it by personality disorder names they did it in severities...

Mild, moderate and severe, also Personality Disorder severity unspecified, and the last two are prominent personality traits or patterns and Secondary Personality change.

with in these are now dissociation problems.

for example mild personality disorder has in it borderline patterns, detachment problems, dissociation problems, disinhibition problems (impulsive, risk taking and other things) Anankastia (a type of borderline - ocd combination problems)

maybe it would be good to talk with your treatment providers about this and they may be able to re assess your diagnosis and update it according to the ICD 11 instead of the DSM 5 which keeps all these things separate.

this may just answer all these questions that you are having right now about how things are in you and why you are having so much problems.

here is a link where you can read about the personality disorders and how they have added some things to them and changed it by keeping the disorder borderline but labeling it and adding things like dissociation, detachment to it.

the link is to the ICD 11 main page. ICD-11

click on browser and a page will open up where you can type in personalty disorder and a list of personality disorders will come up then click on the ones you want to read about and show your treatment provider
amandalouise is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Claritytoo
Poohbah
Claritytoo has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2011
Location: Long Island NY
Posts: 1,272
10 yr Member
11 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2019 at 06:10 PM
  #18
For me every thing I ever said , done, felt and thought was in a slot Like a postal box. It was all available and one of us was assigned to manage it. He would get memories and pass them on to who ever was out. So if I ran into someone who knew a part of me and they referenced something this part and them had done, Inbetween would find the slot take out the memory and give it to the part that was out. That worked most of the time as long as I didn't continue the conversation for too long. If I needed to continue the conversation the original part involved would need to step up. Most times that worked. My life was divided up according to our parts. I had parts that had jobs. Parts that played sport, Protector parts. angry parts little parts and so on. I did not know I was DID until I was in my late forties early fifties. I had never heard the word Dissociation and knew nothing about it. I started seeing a therapist because I thought I was going insane. I didn't know that my thinking was that different from others. That was one of the most difficult things I had to accept. I began to think I was going insane because my system was tired and didn't want to keep up the effort to look "normal". I started having massive panic attacks that caused me to consider suicide. I didn't want to die I just wanted the confusion and overwhelming emotional pain to stop. So I started seeing a therapist. I spent many years learning and trying to understand what DID was for me. I am still learning. The last few years I was a wreck. I barely survived. At present I am doing better. I don't know if I will ever be able to live as if I am not DID as I did in the past. I am certain we don't see the reason to do that anymore. Just get to know everyone, accept everyone for who and why they are part of us. One important thing I havent said. My therapist explained that all parts were created by us to protect us in some way. That helped me to understand us better and each one of us were able to understand each other in a better light.
Claritytoo is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
FearLess47
Member
 
FearLess47's Avatar
FearLess47 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2019
Location: U.S.
Posts: 219
3 yr Member
267 hugs
given
Default May 10, 2019 at 11:02 PM
  #19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Claritytoo View Post
For me every thing I ever said , done, felt and thought was in a slot Like a postal box. It was all available and one of us was assigned to manage it. He would get memories and pass them on to who ever was out. So if I ran into someone who knew a part of me and they referenced something this part and them had done, Inbetween would find the slot take out the memory and give it to the part that was out. That worked most of the time as long as I didn't continue the conversation for too long. If I needed to continue the conversation the original part involved would need to step up. Most times that worked. My life was divided up according to our parts. I had parts that had jobs. Parts that played sport, Protector parts. angry parts little parts and so on. I did not know I was DID until I was in my late forties early fifties. I had never heard the word Dissociation and knew nothing about it. I started seeing a therapist because I thought I was going insane. I didn't know that my thinking was that different from others. That was one of the most difficult things I had to accept. I began to think I was going insane because my system was tired and didn't want to keep up the effort to look "normal". I started having massive panic attacks that caused me to consider suicide. I didn't want to die I just wanted the confusion and overwhelming emotional pain to stop. So I started seeing a therapist. I spent many years learning and trying to understand what DID was for me. I am still learning. The last few years I was a wreck. I barely survived. At present I am doing better. I don't know if I will ever be able to live as if I am not DID as I did in the past. I am certain we don't see the reason to do that anymore. Just get to know everyone, accept everyone for who and why they are part of us. One important thing I havent said. My therapist explained that all parts were created by us to protect us in some way. That helped me to understand us better and each one of us were able to understand each other in a better light.
Hi Claritytoo,
Thanks for sharing this...I love the metaphor of the mail slots and can very much relate to much of what you wrote here. I hit a point where I got "too tired" to hold it together anymore and DID is/was a confusing revelation. At the same time, it also makes so much sense, the more I learn.

It took a broken body to get my attention. It required that I "STOP" and pay attention. Then to start thinking about the connection between dissociation from physical pain and dissociation from inner pain. I broke. Broke. Glued back together. Broke again. Glued. Then broke-broke. And that was when I started to see just how shut off I was/am from certain things.

Thanks everyone for your willingness to share...

FearLess47

__________________
alone in a crowded room
FearLess47 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Claritytoo
elevatedsoul
Ascended
 
elevatedsoul's Avatar
elevatedsoul has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: usa
Posts: 3,836
10 yr Member
1,852 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 14, 2019 at 06:38 AM
  #20
They say im really high functioning.

Im kind of homeless atm and struggling to maintain all my contact and appointments

I cant seem to get understanding because i cant seem to get across what is happening to me...

I feel more aware when i sit here and try to share, when i dont feel pressured, when i can take my time to think and type...
My appointments havnt been productive for a while because of this.. or atleast how i feel?

I tell myself i am really stressed and thats why im struggling more... bad internal signals and connections because of so much stress
but this way of "being strong" is going to get me killed, i am trying .. but if i push too much i know ill lose control and end up in the hospital but it seems i just cant get it together 😞


The only diagnosis i have is ptsd, adhd, somatization disorder ... im still trying to figure out things, im just really tired..

__________________
Compartmentalization and Detachment
elevatedsoul is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:44 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.