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Rive1976
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Default May 31, 2019 at 10:21 AM
  #1
Someone wrote me this on another forum. I am not mentioning what forum or a persons name so it shouldnt be a problem. Does this make sense to anyone?




When a child touches the stove against what's been told to them, and hurt themself, they learn a lesson. They will not touch it again, because bad thing happened because of it. If same thing happens inside a system in a fight between two parts, there's no learning. Sexual part wants to do something, but you know it's not right, they will hurt someone if they do that. Let's pretend they win the battle and you end up doing the wrong thing, like a child ended up touching that stove. Afterwards YOU feel bad because the bad thing happened, but your sexual part still feels the same. So they ended up learning nothing, and will do the same in the future too.

The fact you don't know what is the difference between these two things just tells it's normal to you, because you have been more than one person as long as you can remember. So you grew up thinking others experience same things than you do. But they do not, not people with one personality. It doesn't mean life and choices are easy to them. For example with addictions, conflict can be real. But when ever they end up continuing their addiction, it's a choice they made themself, against their better knowledge, they gave up and thought they'll do it anyway, for that moment. And the regret can be there instantly, and they can feel addiction is out of control. The point is, addiction can be what ever, but their body never was out of control. It never does anything they themself, with all the knowledge, made it do. No matter how easy it was to act on the addiction and how big the regret is afterwards, when they acted on it, it was their own decision they agreed with and when they regret it, it is also only one opinion about it. Their opinions can change, but that is not the same thing than having parts who never agreed.

With DID your body can do things against your will and you can not do a thing about it. Or you can be co-present and fight over the control of body. Or you can black out and find out later someone did something with your body. Doesn't happen to people with one personality. They are the only one physically moving their body, it can not happen without their own active choice. If they regret their doings afterwards, that is when they are not in a section 2 (acting on a decision) anymore, but in section 3, the aftermath.

People with one personality can have many kind of problems. Their ability to control their behavior can be lowered. Therefor they can react and do things before they ever got any choice to think about what are they gonna do and make decision, so their behavior is reactive, and they understand the consequences afterwards, but it's too late then. That certainly is a problem, but that is still a different problem. It's not what you have. You want and don't want something at the same time all the way when doing things or not doing them and having consequences or not having them.

Now the main thing. Your sexual part is a danger to everyone and everything around you. So instead of concentrating on nonsense, concentrate on healing that part. As long as you keep your denial about them being separate from you, you are not working to get communication with them. Communication and co-operation and healing traumas is how that problem is gonna be fixed.
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Default May 31, 2019 at 12:26 PM
  #2
Sort of, but I'm not wholly sure I agree with it.

They are basically saying "when you have multiple Parts, you literally cannot control what another Part does with the body." Versus someone without DID who may struggle with self control, but they are only trying to control themselves, not a Part that can physically hijack the body.

I'm not sure what the full story is with your sexual part or why it's considered a danger, but I do agree that working on communication with ALL Parts is essential to being functional.
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Trig May 31, 2019 at 01:39 PM
  #3
Possible trigger:
I get in a literal fight with my body wanting and not wanting to do that. I have been tbis way since 7.

Last edited by atisketatasket; Jun 01, 2019 at 09:13 PM.. Reason: added triggers
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Default May 31, 2019 at 05:02 PM
  #4
I was told throughout treatment, no part will act out in a way that is opposed to my root moral compass. Even though the sound of every siren and the sight of a police officer sent me into abject terror that they were after me for some unremembered crime. I always wondered if my parts could commit a crime that I would otherwise never do. My inpatient hospital stay where I was admitted for a year, 2 therapists and my long-time psychiatrist said "absolutely not". Even in parts I had a root moral code that was shared. I was in no danger of hurting another person, acting out violently, or in any way behaving in a way that I would find morally unacceptable. It turned out they were spot on. I can't say sirens don't make me cringe still, but I remind myself they aren't after me. Integration and developing continuous memory was huge in proving my treatment time right.

Last edited by sophiebunny; May 31, 2019 at 05:57 PM..
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Default Jun 01, 2019 at 07:15 PM
  #5
As I said in another thread Dnester,I'm not going to really offer advice and opinions anymore .I don't want to add to this harm you're doing to yourself by going from site to site asking and talking about the same topics and comparing your replies.

I personally feel it's not right for you to post here what someone on another site replied to you.And it's not right for you to be posting the replies you're getting here on other sites either. You're even have the same username so it's very obvious what you're doing.

I also think it's not right that you're even giving out this site's address through PM so those members can come here and read and then talk crap about members replies.

It's going to get to the point where people are not going to want to respond to you at all.Why would they want to waste their time writing out what they think is a helpful reply just for you to copy it on other sites and ask their opinion of what they've said?

I personally find what you're doing offensive and I'm sure other members probably do too.
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Default Jun 01, 2019 at 07:58 PM
  #6
I dont think its offensive. I think its getting answers. No one knows anyone personally. Its ok though I am not going to post here anymore. I have had nothing but people tell me here that I do not have DID despite being told by professionals that I do and you are right that is not helpful and it is getting to the point where I do not want to live sometimes. Not everyones DID looks the same. So I may be posting in psychotherapy or under other topics but not here.
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Default Jun 01, 2019 at 08:14 PM
  #7
I don't think anyone here has told you that you don't have DID,just that some things you experience can and do happen in people that dont have it.You are getting different replies elsewhere and you're right,its not helpful at all.

It wouldn't bother you if someone copied your posts here and shared them on other sites?And what you're saying was being discussed?And members commented that you don't know what you're talking about,you're wrong,ignorant,etc? Of course it would.

I'm sorry you feel like you don't want to live sometimes.This is exactly what I mean by not wanting to add to the harm you're doing to yourself.Can you not see what it's doing to you? It's not helpful at all what you're doing and only you can stop doing it to yourself.
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Default Jun 01, 2019 at 08:37 PM
  #8
It wouldnt because they dont know my real name. They dont know me. What else am I supposed to do if I do not seek answers from different people. I have a therapist on vacation that says everything does not fit in a neat little box. Then a psychologist that says literally everything is in a neat little box. I dont know what to do anymore. I am going to be 43 in July. I cant waste anymore of my life not knowing what is going on with me. Alot of people have told me to just focus on my symptoms. How do you focus on symptoms and not treat them accordingly to what the doctor says but then you dont believe the doctor in your gut. Its a no win situation and it is dragging me down a little more each day.
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Default Jun 01, 2019 at 09:09 PM
  #9
Quote:
What else am I supposed to do if I do not seek answers from different people
Talk to your treatment providers.
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Default Jun 02, 2019 at 10:01 AM
  #10
Is it really doing you any good seeking answers from different people?It's not like you're very receptive or accepting of anything anyone says anyway.You're just taking what you read and disecting,doubting,comparing and refusing all of it and going round in circles and not getting anywhere at all.

It's your choice to remain on this merry go round.It's also your choice to stop all of this and focus on yourself,your experiences,your symptoms,your struggles and work with your psychologist until your therapist returns.You're wasting precious time on all this stuff that could be used on working towards becoming stable and healing.

Instead of all this nonsense of asking all these questions,wanting opinions and then not believing or accepting anything anyway,why not just talk to your psychologist about all of it.If you don't trust or believe her then she is the one you should be discussing all of this with.She needs to know what you're thinking and feeling about it,that's what she's there for.

Why even bother seeing professionals if you would rather ask,believe and trust random people online and then not believe or trust them?Why bother seeking help at all if you're not actually willing to be helped?

Nobody online knows what's going on with you.Nobody online can help you or give you the answers you're seeking.All your answers are already within you and your treatment providers are there to help you discover them.They cant fix you or cure you,you're the one that has to do the work.YOU. But you have to be ready and willing to,and it doesnt seem you are yet.

There's no quick fix,there's no magic formula,there's no cheating,copying answers,having anyone else give you answers.There's no answers outside of you,it's all within you. When you stop looking outside of yourself and keeping yourself distracted by all this crap you may actually start feeling better.

It's all up to you though.
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Default Jun 03, 2019 at 06:43 AM
  #11
Hey, Dnester, I just wanted to share that I've totally done this too - scrambled around collecting as much information/opinions as I could trying to figure things out & come to some conclusion that is "the definite, right conclusion." I get it. And one of the things my therapist has had to help me see is that when I tend to do this, it's because of my own disbelief in myself & my own ambiguity, which I cannot tolerate.

I've specifically got a Part, actually (and this is one with whom I am always co-conscious) who tends to do this. It's very important to her that things be "proven" before she can accept them (although I'm not honestly sure she can accept anything, but she believes that she will if only things are backed up by enough evidence). She is a master information collector -- HUGE into planning and backup plans and backup backup plans. It used to be very hard for me to recognize when she takes over, because she is also convinced that she is me & with the co-consciousness, it's like... this major blending type of hijack that was super difficult to identify.

It's been very helpful for me to identify some of her key "thoughts" so that, when they pop up, I can be like "ah! I know who that is!" ...and it's been very helpful to finally understand that this is a Part & to work with my therapist to start actually communicating with her. Turns out she's actually got some pretty important thoughts & questions that I didn't know about.

Anyways, at the end of the day, though, it's not going to be anyone else's advice or opinions on anything that will really help you move forward -- it's going to have to be your own answers or your Parts' answers as it may be - and their questions & doubts & beliefs & fears, etc. that lead to any sort of ability to sit with this. And, unfortunately, you're likely going to have to settle in the "Grey." Because there's no definitive answers to ANYthing here. Even the DID diagnosis itself, as one friend pointed out to me, is just a thing that a bunch of old men sat together in a room and came up with. That's psychiatry as a whole: no definitive blood tests, no definitive anything... just a bunch of people who agreed on some things and created names for them.
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Default Jun 03, 2019 at 07:51 AM
  #12
Quote:
Originally Posted by toomanycats View Post


I've specifically got a Part, actually (and this is one with whom I am always co-conscious) who tends to do this. It's very important to her that things be "proven" before she can accept them (although I'm not honestly sure she can accept anything, but she believes that she will if only things are backed up by enough evidence). She is a master information collector -- HUGE into planning and backup plans and backup backup plans. It used to be very hard for me to recognize when she takes over, because she is also convinced that she is me & with the co-consciousness, it's like... this major blending type of hijack that was super difficult to identify.

.

.


I am not sure if this response will be valued as constructive, but I'll go ahead anyway:

This part you describe, I can only say, I am almost certain I don't have multiple parts, but I sometimes wish I had them. Sounds like a super power to me. This woman you describe, I once met someone like her, and loved her dearly, but she ended up totally rejecting me, because,even though I would, I could not follow her, and offer her that security, those backup plans and stuff that she desired. A planner she was also - I am kind of planning disabled (hence depressive), so I loved her planning, even though I did not share in it, and her plans had little to do with my desires.

I now wish I had such a person as a part inside of me - I would only have to learn to rely on her (which I could, because she would be part of me), so I would not have to relate to others, who would finally always end up rejecting me, because I am too difficult, and they are NOT part of me...

I hope I make sense here. Do I ?
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Default Jun 03, 2019 at 08:00 AM
  #13
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dnester View Post
Possible trigger:
I get in a literal fight with my body wanting and not wanting to do that. I have been tbis way since 7.
This must be troubling. I can relate to it, and I think most people can, because almost everybody has deviant, inappropriate desires - more or less pronounced, for sure, and most people rely on their inner compass, and desist following up on deviant impulses. Only with most people that inner compass is subconscious, so they are not even aware they have these dangerous impulses. You are aware of them, however, and that makes you feel you are maybe a bad or dangerous person. But you aren't, because I take you do struggle with yourself successfully... this is stressful, but it seems to show that you have every right to consider yourself a good person, and you should value yourself.
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Default Jun 03, 2019 at 10:29 AM
  #14
I just dont know what to do. I cant get ahold of my psychologist. I went to the dentist today and signed the paperwork with a signature I did not recognize. The chatter is all through the day now like constanly for the past two days. I even had two arguements in my head but I can stop them and someone else said its not DID then. I cant handle this not knowing, constant chatter in my head and getting nowhere in therapy.
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Default Jun 04, 2019 at 08:24 AM
  #15
Maybe try to calm your nerves by admitting the voices in and listen to them, make friends with them?

I have to admit though, I have experiences with unwanted thoughts, but not with unwanted voices in my head. It must be awful. Be strong, just try to not freak out over it.
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Default Jun 04, 2019 at 10:34 PM
  #16
We are constantly discovering our insiders don't understand/grasp that their actions affects the whole. In fact that is only partial true. Recently our one that handles medical stuff & physical reactions went to the doc for fatigue. Lab work showed anemia. But others were still full of pep & energy & on the go. Even refused to slow down & rest. Felt no reason. T tried to explain that *we all share the same blood*. It got everyone to agree to take the medicine. That was the full extent of the understanding. A week later we had another blood test. Another insider went cuz usual one was tired. Luckily, when it came back normal, the doc didn't believe it. Reordered. Improved but not normal. So I say partially true.
When we were dealing in therapy with a self destructive one, it became obvious he had no concept that his actions affected anyone but him. It's a constant issue for us. Little One loves jelly beans. Eats whole bag. Somebody else gets sick. Somebody else is upset by weight gain. Somebody else upset about health etc. No concept.
Some became obsessed about becoming a 'normal', 'singleton', whatever you want to call it, like our T. He patiently answered hundreds of questions. Some felt sorry for him. Others became upset when he verified we'd never be one. Hard to accept. Comparing ourselves to those singletons was hard to give up. Wishing it was different still an issue. We can't be taller or shorter no matter how hard we try or wish. We have to deal with us as we are.
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Default Jun 05, 2019 at 07:56 AM
  #17
Maybe it's time to go inpatient?
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Exclamation Jun 05, 2019 at 03:00 PM
  #18
Dear @Dnester:

I apologize for my previous post here.

I was wrong, and my behavior was way out of line!

I am sorry you are struggling with some very heavy issues right now, and even more sorry my comments added to your distress.

Sincerely,
Pfrog!
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Default Jun 06, 2019 at 12:20 PM
  #19
I'm sorry for this struggle, whatever it is. I can share that I, too, was going down the rabbit hole of reading, posting, thinking, investigating, questioning, needing to know, needing to understand or deny or confirm, etc....and it landed me right where I was headed. The rabbit hole. I have had to *stop* doing all that investigating because it was very upsetting for my already confused self. Since I have some medical stuff I've had to attend to...my T and I decided that it would be a good idea for me to attend to that stuff, create some safe communication for any parts known or unknown, and to try and relax the death grip I had on needing to KNOW everything. My point is sometimes we poke the bear and make things worse by reading, looking, comparing.
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