advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Elio
...............
Elio is not home, please leave a message at the beep.... ... ... ...
 
Member Since: Sep 2006
Location: in my head
Posts: 2,906
15 yr Member
8,739 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 03, 2019 at 11:56 AM
  #1
I am trying to determine how much I should indulge the wants and fantasies of my inner child part to play. I don't have DID though I do (did) have strongly contained individual parts. I struggle with play/playing with others and have lost touch with knowing what I like or even understanding how to know if I'm having fun with something. Lately there has been a strong desire to have a space that is a playroom with toys for ages 18 months through I'd say about 10 yrs old. Most of the items that grab my attention are closer to the 5-8 yr old range.

Financially, I am able to afford purchasing the items. Logistically, I don't really have a space that I can dedicate for a playroom (at this time), I can make space to store toys, that could be pulled out. I have purchased several items already. I struggle with pulling them out to play with them which tends to bring me back to wanting a room where I can go into and see, touch, manipulate the items - possibly work towards playing, allowing the imagination to feel uninhibited, and reexperiencing fun.

The question is - should I do that? Is it healthy, safe, sane, helpful? Is it indulgent, infantalistic, regressive, divisive, harmful? There's a fair amount of shame at the idea of anyone else seeing or knowing that I would have this space containing items for such a young audience. At the same time, there is some thoughts that the space would be aged as I process through stuff; meaning the items in the space would become more age appropriate as I processed stuff and started to understand what I find as fun, relaxing, and refreshing; and how it is fun. Ultimately becoming simply a hobby room/space, like many other people may have.

I guess I'm looking to see if anyone has done something like this, how you dealt with any shame/guilt around creating the space, has the space changed as you have gone through therapy, how did it help the younger parts (or alters), do you think you could have had the growth without creating the space, any regrets in creating the space... anything else you want to share. Thanks.
Elio is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
saidso
Veteran Member
 
saidso's Avatar
saidso has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: Europe & UK
Posts: 575
5 yr Member
165 hugs
given
Default Jun 03, 2019 at 12:14 PM
  #2
Well, I had few toys as a child, so at one point friends gave me bears. They gave me bears and bears (mostly but not all second hand one). Now we are moving house and I need a special accommodation to move all those bears.

Yes it's embarrassing. Although some friends gave them to me, not everyone who comes into my house is a special friend => plumbers, tax collectors & etc.
Certainly I wouldn't want my work colleagues to gossip about this.

It's up to you to draw the line. I don't suppose a significant other would want to sleep with my bears for example. However, getting older I started to realise that most people are a little odd one way and another. I didn't have a typical childhood so why should I be a typical adult.

It's like revealing other personal stuff. People who just come for dinner won't want to know you so intimately.

Reminds me of a famous house in my city which was left for posterity by a C18 interior designer. He had his secret playground in the basement with masonic stuff and Egyptian antiquities including mummies! Use to invite his best friends down for a drink after dinner. Sorry, I always have to smile at the different sides of human nature.

Saidso

__________________
*"Fierce <-> Reality"*

oh god I am struggling today, help me to remember how to stay connected and human!

remember: the nut shell against human predators and my own fear!
saidso is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Elio, Quietmind 2
amandalouise
Wise Elder
 
amandalouise's Avatar
amandalouise has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
Posts: 9,133
15 yr Member
884 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 03, 2019 at 12:20 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elio View Post
I am trying to determine how much I should indulge the wants and fantasies of my inner child part to play. I don't have DID though I do (did) have strongly contained individual parts. I struggle with play/playing with others and have lost touch with knowing what I like or even understanding how to know if I'm having fun with something. Lately there has been a strong desire to have a space that is a playroom with toys for ages 18 months through I'd say about 10 yrs old. Most of the items that grab my attention are closer to the 5-8 yr old range.

Financially, I am able to afford purchasing the items. Logistically, I don't really have a space that I can dedicate for a playroom (at this time), I can make space to store toys, that could be pulled out. I have purchased several items already. I struggle with pulling them out to play with them which tends to bring me back to wanting a room where I can go into and see, touch, manipulate the items - possibly work towards playing, allowing the imagination to feel uninhibited, and reexperiencing fun.

The question is - should I do that? Is it healthy, safe, sane, helpful? Is it indulgent, infantalistic, regressive, divisive, harmful? There's a fair amount of shame at the idea of anyone else seeing or knowing that I would have this space containing items for such a young audience. At the same time, there is some thoughts that the space would be aged as I process through stuff; meaning the items in the space would become more age appropriate as I processed stuff and started to understand what I find as fun, relaxing, and refreshing; and how it is fun. Ultimately becoming simply a hobby room/space, like many other people may have.

I guess I'm looking to see if anyone has done something like this, how you dealt with any shame/guilt around creating the space, has the space changed as you have gone through therapy, how did it help the younger parts (or alters), do you think you could have had the growth without creating the space, any regrets in creating the space... anything else you want to share. Thanks.
did you know that even non DID people enjoy childish pay. I can remember my grandparents had a corner basket of toys and sometimes they would take them and play with them, hold them in their laps. one day as a teen ager I rudely tried to tell them to quite being so childish. they looked at me and laughed and said if I go to your home would I still find barbie on your shelf, do you not still enjoy playing monopoly, tic tack toe, trouble, crazy 8's, you are much to big for that stuffed animal you got when you were 5 how about we give that away and those sticker books you are so find of. point taken real quick. just because someone is fond of playing and collecting toys does not make them too childish.

if you would like to have and play with toys and things then go for it. if you really want to do it you will and you will find the room to do it with whether its a cedar chest that doubles as a stand or foot rest or whether its a book case in your bedroom, or boxes in your closet, .... if you want to do it then you will find the way that is right for you.

my wife and I have many toys including some of those from when we were children. my own children have toys, we also have a family dry ease board, black board and chalk in the kitchen in our enclosed back porch is painting area, and other messy things to play with.
amandalouise is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Elio, Quietmind 2
sophiebunny
Veteran Member
sophiebunny has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2019
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 570
5 yr Member
77 hugs
given
Default Jun 03, 2019 at 10:53 PM
  #4
My therapist always discouraged me from encouraging parts to act independently. She said one of the ways they feel empowered to act out is by indulging their individuality. She preferred collaboration where they got their needs met from the group, even when they couldn't get them met from me. She taught them how to care for each other and visualize their needs being met. So, no toys or other objects. It's one approach. It helped me a lot.
sophiebunny is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Elio, Quietmind 2
toomanycats
Grand Poohbah
toomanycats is taking it one day at a time
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 1,734
5 yr Member
542 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2019 at 07:45 AM
  #5
I have a 3-year-old daughter, so sometimes my little parts get some play through playing with her. But, even so, I have a couple of stuffed animals that are just mine, not my daughter's. I also have done things like adult coloring books or just getting lots of fancy colored pens for drawing, and what I basically do is a collaborative thing: I am co-conscious while little play or color. I won't lie - I sometimes buy toys for my daughter purely because my own little parts want them. But, I don't play with her toys without her. I do sleep with 2 little stuffed animals who also come w/ me to therapy. It works for us.

I do have to say - I feel sometimes like my little parts get "fed" just through watching my daughter play.
toomanycats is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Elio
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2
Elio
...............
Elio is not home, please leave a message at the beep.... ... ... ...
 
Member Since: Sep 2006
Location: in my head
Posts: 2,906
15 yr Member
8,739 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 05, 2019 at 02:17 PM
  #6
For those interested, I talked to my T about this. I got the feeling that she thought it was a lovely, self compassionate thing to do. We'll see where it goes from here.
Elio is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
amandalouise
 
Thanks for this!
amandalouise, Quietmind 2
Amyjay
Magnate
Amyjay has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2017
Location: Underground
Posts: 2,439
5 yr Member
692 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 05, 2019 at 02:36 PM
  #7
We don't have a playroom but our bedroom is pretty overrun with stuff that belongs to the littles in our system.
Our real life children know that the littles love their toys and sometimes our daughter has even bought some for us for birthdays etc. They are also very accepting of the gifts we put under the Christmas tree for our littles. That's just normal life for our kids! Our kids don't know we have DID but they are very familiar with the littles, they just don't know specifically that they are alters.
but no we don't have a playroom, our littles things are just integrated into our every day life, there for them to use whenever.
Amyjay is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Elio, Quietmind 2
Elio
...............
Elio is not home, please leave a message at the beep.... ... ... ...
 
Member Since: Sep 2006
Location: in my head
Posts: 2,906
15 yr Member
8,739 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 05, 2019 at 03:11 PM
  #8
Last night, when I brought up to my wife that I'd been wanting to create a play space and what not. She was all for it ... setting up a corner in a room. The problem is, is we can't play in front of others and feel comfortable, relaxed, safe. When I did get to being able to say that I'd like a separate space, she was ok with it. It still took a lot for me to speak up. We have to remodel the house to get this space so it's not something coming soon.
Elio is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
amandalouise
 
Thanks for this!
amandalouise, Quietmind 2
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:21 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.