T's gender

Some of us are laughing at this. So feel free! But it's become a serious issue. Been seeing T for years. Very slow to trust enough to start working. Our abusers were male. Slowly younger ones & abused ones came to trust & talk to T. Considered him a person we could tell anything & everything to & do something he asked even if we weren't 100% comfortable. Often when one would generalize that all men are *bad*, he'd say there are good men. His words were dismissed. Recently he followed that with I'm a man. Like a bolt of lightning hit the system. Some became fearful enough that protectors came. Totally rattled. Ask what they thought he was: T, friend, helper on & on but male or man didn't make the list. Others opposite reaction, if you know what I mean. Never thought this needed to be mentioned or discussed. Actually thought it was obvious!!!!! Has gender of your T ever been an issue? Any wise words?

I'd refuse to see a male therapist (same reason as you, abused heavily by males)

I once had a male therapist, but I had to tell him (I think after like 2 or 3 meetings) we can't work together, but I never braught up the gender being an issue

all the others I've seen are female

no my therapists gender does not bother me. when looking for a new therapist I always keep in mind that I (and my system before I was integrated) work better with female. therefore when my insurance goes by their listing, I call my insurance to find out who is on the list that they cover I specifically state I am looking for a female therapist.

When I dont go by insurance listing and call mental health agencies myself I always introduce myself and state...." I am female and am looking for a female therapist who accepts this insurance plan. then the agency tells me whether or not they accept my insurance and whether or not they have female treatment providers. if so we schedule for intake. here in NY treatment providers treat all disorders therefore looking for one that treats any of my problems well the field is wide open. i dont bother with asking do you specialize in such and such because I already know the answer is always yes our agency treatment providers work with those issues.

suggestion ... since it is a big issue for you and your system maybe you can switch to a different treatment provider, or next time when looking for a new treatment provider you can tell the mental health agencies and your insurance that you are a female survivor and work better with female treatment providers. and only select from the female treatment providers on the listing.

I dont see males. I have never liked males because I have always found them cold hearted and arrogant. I dont even know where that came from but I remember being that way all my life. I have seen a couple a long long time ago. One was okay but I didnt stick with them long and refuse to see them now. Unforunately I have no choice about my pdoc who is male a jerk. I see only female therapists though. The only men I have ever gotten close to at all about talking about my feelings is my ex husband and dad and even with my dad it can be complicated at times.

Let me ask a follow up question. As a DID, we have male alters too. How do they feel about female therapists?

Im sorry but that answer is inside your self. we cant tell you what you or your alters think about having a female or male therapist. you will need to ask your alters that.

how do you ask alters that. same way you and they have been communicating all your life time. my suggestion is find a quiet place and ask your alters how they feel about having various gendered alters.

Sorry bad wording. As a DID it is normal to have ones of different sexes. So obviously, whatever sex your T is you have ones of the opposite. How do your opposite sex ones feel about that? We did have a husband & wife team for awhile. That was awesome. Not practical today.

actually here where I am its not the norm for DID systems to have alters of opposite genders, its actually quite rare for this to happen according to my states mental health statistics and demographics. you can find out if its considered normal or rare according to your locations statistics/ demographics by searching through your local libraries Census and mental health statistics and contact your locations county and state health department.

I did not have alters of different genders and neither did any of those I know or knew in my state that had DID.

not saying it doesnt happen, just that in me, my friends and those I know it didnt happen and statistics for my location states its a very extremely rare occurrence.

my point for me it never was an issue of how alters of opposite gendered handle various treatment providers genders.

I did have the chance to interview someone for one of my college papers who said they had an opposite gendered alter. that alter was only own when the person they resided in was dissociating, and the trigger matched the trigger that the alter handled...(skunks, skunk odors) and considering the treatment provider didnt have any skunks in their office which would trigger that alter taking control. so for them it was a non issue.

since DID begins in very early childhood and in ones life time from early childhood to adult a person naturally has various treatment providers medical doctors, dentists, therapists, psychiatrists, school psychologist, school nurses, teachers and so on all the way through your life time of being DID, your system is probably well prepared and ok to handle the fact that different gendered people have been in your life all yours and your alters life.

if this continues to bother you spends some time asking your alters how all these years they have handled having doctors, teachers, friends, classmates and more of different genders.

Interesting to read that it's not the norm to have alters of the opposite gender.I had a few that were male.

I also have alters that are male. Not many though. I wouldn't think it is rare to have opposite gendered alters, in all of the people I know with DID (not many, admittedly!) they all have at least one opposite gendered alter. Most in psychology literature I have read about seem to have as well. I would think it would be rarer not to!

I personally need to see a female T at the moment but I would like to see a male T eventually as I think it will be an important part of my healing.

I prefer to work with male therapists.
I have male alters. Not sure how they feel.

I have not met a competent male or female mental health professional. I know the managers of this board do not like me to post things like this, but that is my opinion. I had a therapist in Orlando who had one of those light things where the red lights move back and fourth across a bar. I believe he wanted to use that on me. Try to put me under hypnosis. Because of my situation we never got around to it. But if he ever brought it up I was going to tell him that I would only allow a mental health professional to try and hypnotize me if I was under someone like Dr. Colin Ross and inpatient in a hospital. When Dr. Ross uses hypnosis to try to help his patients integrate he has another mental health professional in the room and he video or audio tapes the session. The patient gets to know everything that was discussed while under hypnosis. That is the "professional" way to treat a DID patient. I would not trust any individual mental health professional to put me under deep hypnosis in any other setting.

I wonder if what you are referring to is a light bar for EMDR therapy (instead of hypnosis). You don't get hypnotised at any stage in EMDR therapy but are quite conscious. However not any old EMDR therapist should use EMDR therapy with dissociative clients, they have to have special training in the theory of structural dissociation before using it with clients who dissociate. My therapist does EMDR with me using a light bar, but she is very, very careful about using EMDR techniques and we don't do trauma processing yet. But I don't get hypnotised in any part of my therapy, not even when using the light bar for eye movement sets.

Seeing a Male T was very healing for me.It helped me see that not all males are abusive and untrustworthy. And that it was possible to love and be loved without anything sexual being involved.

I would like to eventually see a female T and stick it out though.I still have deep issues being able to trust females.Although most of my abuse was by males not being believed or protected by my mom and being punished for what was happening TO me(even when she saw it with her own 2 eyes) has left more damage than the abuse itself.I would be helped I believe, if I could learn to trust a female T,feel validated and believed.I have never been able to bear therapy with one long enough to have any benefit though.

I have never been hypnotized either and would never go for it anyway.I have read it's too easy to implant false memories.

Do T's even use hypnosis anymore?I assumed that was a thing of the past.That question is fir anyone I guess,not specifically you.

here in NY state Hypnosis is a specialty treatment where a person has to go to a "Hypnotist" and insurance plans do not cover it. its an out of pocket expense here. most people that go to a "Hypnotist" that I know have done so for things like quitting smoking or other bad habits. but they treat many different things, mostly anxiety problems, most good places here in my city require a treatment providers referral (paperwork, prescription the works) that's how I saw one after a work related trauma.

Mental health treatment providers in my city do a variation of it called meditation which anyone can do by their self or with their treatment providers.

the Hypnotist that I saw was male but I requested a female to be there with me. all went as planned and my anxiety over the work related trauma was decreased enough so that my regular therapist and I could work on the trauma issues.

That is what I hope to get out of it (eventually) but for now males trigger too many littles, both fawning and frozen ones, for it to be safe.

I am sorry you have been through those experiences. My own mother was similar. With our female therapist we cope by being very guarded and self-owning I think. We work with our therapist but we do not "attach" with her or feel "safe" with her. But we work with her because we know where we want to get to (healing wise) we know this work has to be done to get there, and she has the tools that will help. BUt she is definitely not trusted with our selves. Other than me very few alters will let her know who they are when they are with her.
I don't know if we will develop more trust with her as time goes on or not!

You may find it helpful to T about this. It will also help them to understand what is going on for you.

Not to get off subject but I get hypnotized every Tuesday. She doesn't regress me or talk about memories in any way. She puts me under by saying you good at going into a trance. When you were little you used little words and then little sentences and then little paragraphs. Just like you were good at that you are good at going into a trance. Try to pretend to open your eyes twice. I can tell you are going into a trance deeper and deeper with each breath because you are still. Your blood pressure and breaths are getting lower. Then she says you are at a beautiful waterfall. You can go to the water and touch it and swim in it. Breath in good breathe out cares. Then some stuff about being the most important person in my world. That I won't let any negativity in. Then she says this is for all D's people and parts to hear. Do not come out unless you have special permission from D to come out ( this is for the unhelpful alters) then she says I won't have some bad thoughts that I have and then says on the count of 5 open your eyes. She won't do repressed memory hypnosis. I would neve r do this with a male T. So far it's been helpful.

that's really great that you have a LCSW (therapist) that is also a CCHT, its very hard to get those credentials since 2013 even those who got their credentials before 2013 had to update their credentials. (I found this out when I was in treatment with a hypnotist. and was thinking about getting certified myself after going through it.) you can now rest easy on whether your treatment providers are doing things right with you. This therapist has no less that 2 different government (state boards) worth of rules they have to follow. Im very happy for you that you have this therapist in your life.

Thanks she is actually a Psychologist and has been one since late 80s. I have to be honest alot of times I dont think she knows what she is doing. One trying to combine all my littles and age progress them knowing very little about me and two that I had to tell her that OSDD existed. She did not know it had changed from DDNOS to OSDD. Also, she decided that I was not OSDD after she had learned about it but DID although I am always co con. People around here swear by her though. She is kwown as a very good person to send people with DID too amongst colleagues. She won top doctor award of the whole state in 2017.